The Last Kids on Earth and the Cosmic Beyond. Max Brallier

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      And that’s the end of that. The Biggun Blast freezes us to the core. We spend the rest of the day in the tree house, huddled up near the video game systems, trying to get warm.

      And the monsters are now extra freaked out. They’ve become afraid of snow in both flake form and ball form.

      When we’ve finally finished thawing out, Dirk makes a suggestion: ice fishing.

      ‘Fish for ice?’ I ask. ‘Why would we fish for ice? Ice is everywhere! The whole world is basically a Super Mario snow level.’

      ‘No, dork,’ Dirk says. ‘You fish for fish through a hole in the ice. It’s my favourite part about winter. C’mon. I know a spot.’

      We convince Skaelka and a few other monsters to join us. They agree – but only after I promise they’ll get to eat GIANT HUNKS OF RAW FISH.

      We’re walking along a wooded trail, freezing our butts off, when I hear movement in the trees.

      ‘Whoa, look!’ Junes says. ‘Two little critters just went tumbling past!’

      Skaelka halts. A strange snarl sound escapes her nostrils and her hands tighten around her axe. She suddenly means business.

      ‘What’s the alone one?’ June asks.

      ‘One not in the community,’ Skaelka says. ‘One that does not matter.’

      And the way Skaelka says it – it’s clear the conversation is over. Skaelka is no big fan of the alone one.

      At the lake, I learn something that’s a bummer: ice fishing is the most boring thing on earth. You drill a hole in the ice and you just sit there! That’s literally it! THE WHOLE THING! You can’t even talk because apparently that ‘scares away the fish.’

      After the fifth hour of cold nothingness, I say, ‘If monsters don’t get me first, I will die of boredom.’

      ‘Hey! No talking!’ Dirk says. ‘Listen to nature. Hear the peace and quiet and –’

       ICE TENTACLE BURST!

      So . . . fishing was a big fat icy fail. The only thing we caught was a cold. And there’s no way Quint with a runny nose is going to get any creature excited about winter.

      I’m sitting in the tree house, bemoaning all this, when Quint says, ‘SNOWMEN!’

      ‘Snow creatures!’ June declares.

      I keep my mouth shut – but I have thoughts on snowmen. One word: OVERRATED. It’s one of those things that sounds awesome but is never as good as you think it’s going to be. I always start off excited about building some massive amazing snowman, but then a few hours later –

      But, we actually do pretty good! Dirk is, like, a master snow craftsman. He even gets out a tool kit and carves a totally beautiful ice sculpture. Dude is full of hidden talents.

      It’s going well – until the monsters get a load of our constructions – and then it goes bad . . .

      "What about ice skating?” June asks. "Ice skating is fun. And before you give me grief – I’m not talking regular ice skating. I’m talking end-of-the-world-ice-skating. Down the old highway that runs to the beach and boardwalk!”

      Dirk’s in, because he’s a hockey master. June’s in, because she’s generally athletic, nimble, and above-average at everything. Quint’s in because he doesn’t like being left out of things.

      It goes awry – of course.

      It goes awry because this massive hibernating horror wakes up and goes nuts . . .

      I’m beat; totally out of ideas for turning our monster friends into winter-lovers. And even worse, we’re no closer to figuring out what the deal is with the Villainess and what she did with my Louisville Slicer! She could be – I dunno – slow dancing with it right now!

      Argh.

      I need a long winter nap. So I head to our hammock, but when I get there, I see that June’s beat me to it. And she looks even more bummed out than I feel.

      Oh, real quick – our hammock is not a regular hammock. It’s a monster winter hammock and it’s kind of the best.

      See, after the temperature dropped we discovered that one monster – Kylnn – constantly radiates heat. His whole body feels like some sort of living fireplace!

      So I, being a napping expert, grabbed a hammock from the local Home Depot and strung it up. I suspended it from Kylnn’s biggest back spikes. I’m pretty sure I have created the СКАЧАТЬ