Barry Loser Hates Half Term. Jim Smith

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СКАЧАТЬ I whined.

      ‘You’re a big brother now, Barry,’ said

      my dad. ‘You can’t go screaming round

      the house acting like a kiddywinkle any

      more . . .’

      ‘I am NOT a KIDDYWINKLE!’ I shouted,

      stomping my feet on the car’s carpet

      and crossing my arms.

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      ‘Yes, well, until you can prove you’ve

      grown up a bit, I’m afraid you’ll need

      to stay on Mogden Island with all the

      other little babies,’ said my dad.

      ‘I bet MUM wouldn’t send me to

      Pirate Camp!’ I shouted.

      ‘As a matter of fact, I spoke to your

      mum on the phone this morning and

      she thinks it’s a great idea,’ said my

      dad. ‘Who knows - maybe you’ll

      surprise yourself and enjoy it!’

      36

      ‘Maybe you’ll surprise YOURself!’ I

       shouted, which didn’t really make

       sense, but I wasn’t in the mood to

       care. ‘Thanks for ruining my half

       term!’ I grumbled, and I stared out

       of the window at the ginormous

       billboard we were driving past.

      37

      ‘ANOTHER FANTASTIC DONALD COX

       DEVELOPMENT!’ boomed the words on

      the billboard, next to a mahoosive

       photo of a man in a suit with

       sunglasses on. That makes it sound like

       the suit was wearing sunglasses - it

       wasn’t, the man was.

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      The man with the sunglasses on was

      Donald Cox, who’s been building buildings

      all over Mogden recently. In the photo

      he was standing in front of some

      skyscrapers, with his hands spread

      out like he was the king of Mogden.

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      Behind the billboard, half a real-life

       skyscraper was sticking out of the

       ground. Men in yellow plastic hats were

       dotted around all over it, hammering

       planks and eating sandwiches.

      ‘Blooming Donald Cox,’ grumbled my

       dad, pressing the back-massage button

       on the side of his seat, and the whole

       thing started to vibrate.

      40

      ‘You can’t go five metres without

      seeing his face these days,’ he said,

      and he turned left down Bunky’s road,

      which everyone knows is the shortest

      short cut to Mogden Pier.

      I pressed my nose up against the car

      window and spotted Bunky standing

      outside his house talking to Nancy and

      her dad, Mr Verkenwerken. Which

      didn’t surprise me, seeing as they’re

      next-door neighbours.

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      ‘DONALD COX!’ I boomed, waving at

      Bunky. I’ve started calling Bunky

      ‘Donald Cox’ sometimes, by the way,

      because it makes him wee his pants

      with laughter.

      Bunky carried on standing there, chatting

      to Nancy and Mr Verkenwerken

      and not weeing his pants at all, and

      I realised I hadn’t wound my window

      down.

      42

      I wound my window down and took a deep breath. ‘DONALD COX!’ I boomed again, and Bunky and Nancy jumped.

      ‘DONALD COX!’ boomed Bunky back, because he’s started calling me ‘Donald Cox’ too.

      ‘Help me, Donald - my dad’s kidnapped

      me!’ I shouted, imagining I was Future Ratboy, and I’d been captured by his

      number one enemy, Mr X, and locked up in the back of Mr X’s giant metal scorpion.

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      ‘He’s sending me to Pirate Camp,

       Donald!’ I screamed, pounding my fists

       against the air, miming like I hadn’t

       wound the window down at all. ‘Meet

       me at Mogden Pier!’ I wailed, and I

       wound the window up again and went

       back to comperleeterly unenjoying my

       half term.

      44

      ‘Ferry leaves in four minutes,’ said

       my dad, screeching to a halt next to

       Mogden Pier, and I sat in my seat

       wondering why my dad always says

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