Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

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       fly buzzed loudly. It tapped a grimy window that looked out on to a dead tree. The bartender came out from behind the bar and the two men got off their stools.

      “Scapegrace,” said the bartender, chewing the name as he said it. “You’ve got some nerve showing your ugly face in my pub.”

      “Your pub?” Scapegrace said with a scornful laugh. “You won this place off me in a poker game and you cheated.”

      “So did you,” the bartender said. “I just cheated better. Why’re you back?”

      “Couldn’t stay away, could I? This town holds so many fond memories for me. Actually Hieronymus, I was hoping your sister might be around – is she here?”

      Hieronymus Deadfall looked like he might explode. “Don’t even mention her, you hear me?”

      Scapegrace shrugged. “What you gonna do about it?”

      “I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” Skulduggery tried, but he was ignored.

      Deadfall stepped forward, fists bunched at his sides. “How about I finish what we started twenty years ago, how about that?”

      Scapegrace scoffed. “You want to kill me, is that it?”

      “Oh, it’s not just me, pally. Anyone else in here want to kill this piece of scum, step forward.”

      Everyone took one step forward. “So that’s how it is, is it?” Scapegrace said, acting upset. “After all that talk of friendship, after all those years, all that we’ve been through … you all want to kill me?”

      “Kill you,” said one of the pool players, “horribly.”

      “I’d love to help you out, fellas,” Scapegrace said, holding up his hands and showing them his shackles, “but as you can see, I’m a little tied up at the moment. Still, I suppose if you manage to kill these two fine people who walked in with me, you might get your wish.”

      Deadfall narrowed his eyes. “Kill a little girl? Yeah, I think we could just about manage that momentous task. And what about you, skinny man? Who the hell are you?”

      “We’re really not looking for trouble,” Skulduggery said.

      “Then it’ll come as a nice surprise,” said the man to Deadfall’s left. Electricity crackled in his open hand. Lightning Dave no doubt.

      “We’re here on Sanctuary business,” Skulduggery tried.

      The man on Deadfall’s right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. “Hear that, Pete? They’re with the Sanctuary.”

      Hokum Pete snarled. “I hate the Sanctuary.”

      “Oh,” Skulduggery said.

      “We all hate the Sanctuary.”

      “Ah. Then we’re not here on Sanctuary business. I was just joking.”

      “Then you’re going to die laughing,” Deadfall sneered, “unless you tell us who you are right this second.”

      Skulduggery observed him for a moment then removed his disguise and laid it on the pool table. Eyes widened. Mouths opened. Backward steps were taken.

      “The Skeleton Detective,” said one of the pool players.

      “I’m not going up against the skeleton,” said his friend. “No way.”

      “What’s wrong with you?” Deadfall barked. “This is my pub, you understand me? This is my turf. I’m the only one you should be worrying about in here. It’s a dead man – what’s the big deal? We can take him. There’s six of us, there’s one of him. Oh, and a little girl. That too much for you, tough guys?” The pool players glanced at each other nervously, then shook their heads.

      “Well, there you go,” Deadfall said. “We’re agreed. We kill these two then we kill our dear old friend Scapegrace.”

      “This is gonna be fun,” Scapegrace said, shuffling over to a booth and sitting down. “So how are you going to do it?”

      “It’s been a while since Brobding got himself some exercise,” Deadfall said and the giant stepped forward.

      Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery. “You can have that one,” she whispered.

      “I’m gonna kill you,” Brobding the giant said in a rumbling bass line of a voice. “Want you to know, it’s nothing personal.”

      “That’s good to hear,” Skulduggery told him. “In which case, I’m going to knock you down and hit you with the pool table, and I want you to know, it’s nothing personal either.” Brobding laughed. They all laughed.

      Skulduggery stepped forward and splayed both his hands, and Brobding the giant hurtled off his feet and slammed into the far wall. Valkyrie snatched a pool cue off the table and broke it off the first pool player’s face. He went tumbling into the corner and the second player ran at her.

      Hokum Pete ran forward and threw a punch that Skulduggery didn’t even bother to block. He moved in past it and shoved, and Hokum collided with Deadfall.

      Lightning Dave’s whole body crackled with electricity, standing his hair on end and filling the room with the smell of ozone. He charged and Skulduggery kicked a bar stool. It hit Lightning Dave’s legs and he cursed and fell.

      The second pool player was trying to get his hands around Valkyrie’s throat. She kicked his shin and poked his eye, and he cried out. He swung wildly and her block couldn’t stop it, and his fist hit the side of her head. Skulduggery kicked Lightning Dave while he was trying to get up, and then Deadfall was on him. Skulduggery grabbed him and twisted, and Deadfall shrieked in a surprisingly high voice as he was hip-thrown to the dirty, sticky floor.

      The pool player picked Valkyrie up and slammed her on to the table. The breath rushed out of her. He raised her up again and once more slammed her down. She grabbed the 8-ball, and when he raised her up a third time she smacked the ball against his ear. He bellowed in pain and dropped.

      Skulduggery slammed his fists into Hokum Pete, then twisted his arm and sent him facefirst into the wall. Hokum Pete slumped to the ground. Deadfall roared as Skulduggery turned to him. The bar owner strained, the muscles in his neck knotting. His face turned red, his fists grew and distorted and turned into sledgehammers. Spittle flew as he laughed in triumph.

      Across the room, Valkyrie faced off against the pool player. He was rubbing his ear and he moved with a СКАЧАТЬ