Three Letters. Josephine Cox

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ followed another small silence, before Casey confided his secret. ‘They wanted me to do it, but I never did.’

      ‘Well, thank God for that!’ Tom shivered inwardly at the way these children regularly risked life and limb, running along a six-inch-wide wall some twenty feet above the water. ‘So, who was it that wanted you to do it?’

      ‘School pals.’

      ‘Who were they?’

      ‘There were two Brindle brothers, and another boy who lives on King Street.’

      ‘Oh, the Brindles … big family. Yes, I know them.’

      ‘Well, the Brindle brothers had a race in bare feet. One of them ran on the far wall, and the other ran along the opposite wall. I had to count from one to ten, and see who got to the other side first.’

      ‘So, who won?’

      ‘Nobody. They got to the other side at the same time. On a count of eight.’

      ‘A draw, eh? Well, I think that was OK, don’t you? At least it stopped them from arguing.’

      ‘No, because they still argued. They said I must have counted wrong, but they were so fast, it was frightening. They ran like the wind … slipping and sliding all over the place, they were. I thought they might fall into the water, but it didn’t even bother ’em! They kept their balance, and made it to the other side.’ When he looked up at Tom, the light from the lamp caught the excitement in his eyes. ‘You should have seen them go, Dad!’

      ‘I can imagine.’ The Brindle family was boisterous, with the boys, in particular, always up to something.

      ‘They made it look so exciting, I really wanted to try.’

      ‘You never did, though, did you?’

      Casey gave a huge sigh. ‘No, but sometimes I wish I had.’

      ‘So, what stopped you?’

      ‘I tried once, but my foot slipped and I could hardly keep my balance, so I chickened out.’

      ‘That was very brave.’

      The boy gasped. ‘How could it be brave, when I chickened out?’

      ‘Because sometimes it’s better to admit that it’s too dangerous and stop, instead of going on when your instincts warn you not to.’

      ‘Honestly?’

      ‘Yes, really. It takes a wise man to admit when he’s made a wrong decision.’

      When Casey suddenly leaned his head on his father’s broad shoulder, it was a tender, deeply bonding moment in which each relived the awful situation that had brought him here.

      Eventually the child asked hesitantly, ‘She hates me, doesn’t she?’

      ‘Are we talking about your mam?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘I see.’ Tom carefully considered his next words, because whatever he said, he could not deny that Ruth had caused a great deal of pain and confusion especially with her cruel revelation to himself.

      Casey’s next words only proved the damage Ruth had done. ‘I don’t want to stay with her. I want to be with you and Granddad.’

      ‘That’s fine, then, because that’s where we’re going.’

      Another awkward moment of silence before Casey needed to know, ‘Are you my daddy? Are you really my daddy?’

      Choking back the rush of emotion, Tom turned the boy round to face him. ‘I want you to listen to me, son. I want you to hear my every word and never forget it. Can you do that for me?’

      When Casey nodded, Tom held him tight before telling him softly, ‘In every way that matters, I truly am your daddy. Your name is Casey Denton, and you are the son of Thomas Denton … that’s me. I was there when you were born, and I was the first one to hold you, after the nurse. Then I placed you tenderly into your mammy’s arms, and the two of us loved you so much, we never wanted to let you go. So, you see, it’s always been the three of us.’

      ‘So, when I was born she held me. That means she must love me, eh?’

      Tom assured him that it was so.

      Casey was unsettled, however, his mind questioning everything that Tom said. ‘But if she loved me when I was born, why doesn’t she love me now?’

      It was a difficult question for Tom. On the day when Casey was born, Ruth had held him for less than a minute, her manner cold and hard as she returned the baby to him. ‘I don’t want it! Take it back.’ The vehemence in her voice had shaken him to the core.

      Unconcerned, the nurse had taken the baby from him and placed him tenderly into the prepared cot.

      Afterwards, when he was leaving, the nurse had urged Tom not to be upset by his wife’s words. ‘I promise you, your wife is not the first to reject her newborn. She’s had a very long, painful labour and an extremely difficult birth. Rejecting the baby in the first flush is not an unusual reaction. She’ll come round. They always do.’

      After a while, Ruth appeared to have accepted the boy, and no more was said.

      Through Casey’s formative years, however, there were occasions when Ruth had shown hostility towards her son. Tom had chosen to dismiss it, but tonight, when she claimed to hate the boy, the awful truth was driven home to him. Ruth really did harbour a sense of hatred towards her son.

      ‘I don’t think she loves me at all.’ Casey’s voice startled Tom out of his thoughts. ‘Why doesn’t she love me?’

      Taking that small face between the palms of his hands, Tom gently wiped away the tears. ‘In all honesty, I don’t know what to tell you, Casey, except that I’m sure she does have feelings for you. The thing is, do any of us know what love really means? Y’see, son, it can mean different things to different people.’ He felt totally out of his depth; wanting to comfort the boy, yet not wanting to lie to him. ‘As for myself, I believe that when you love someone, you have a deep urge to protect them. You want them always to be happy, and never to get hurt, and you’ll do anything to make them safe. That’s what I personally believe love means.’

      He paused to gather his thoughts, before going on. ‘But y’see, Casey, not everyone thinks of it in the same way. Someone else might think that love means moulding a person so that he or she can learn to protect themselves and be safe from harm. They want their loved ones to be strong enough to reach their potential in life. They believe that being hard and demanding to their loved ones is the right way to be, even though it could make them appear cruel.’

      ‘But she is cruel. She never cuddles me. She likes to hurt me, and make me cry.’

      Tom was deeply saddened by the child’s words. ‘The thing is, Casey, people like your mother don’t know any other way. They think that cuddling and being soft is wrong, and that their way is best.’

      For what seemed an age, Casey remained silent. Then, looking Tom in the eye, he told СКАЧАТЬ