Prince of Hazel and Oak. John Lenahan

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      I listened for the sound of smashing furniture as I approached Brendan’s room. Frick (or was it Frack) said that he had been eerily silent. I stuck my head around the door and found Brendan in bed staring at the ceiling.

      ‘Are you OK?’

      ‘I’m still here, aren’t I?’

      ‘As far as I can tell, yes.’

      ‘Then I’m not all right.’

      ‘So you’re just going to sulk?’

      ‘What else is there to do?’ he said. ‘I’m stuck here for at least a year. God knows what my life, my career and my little girl will be like in a year’s time. I’m under house arrest, followed around by two dolts who keep staring at me like they expect horns to grow out of my head. And I can’t even read a book ’cause everything is written in some ancient language that, although I can magically speak it and understand it, I can’t read it. And before you offer – there is no way I’m going to let that aunt of yours do that molten gold thing to my eyes.’

      ‘I’m sorry, Brendan, but this isn’t my fault and there is nothing I can do.’

      ‘Yeah, I know. I’ve been lying here thinking about it all morning – it’s my fault.’

      ‘Well, I wouldn’t say that. How about we say it’s nobody’s fault?’

      ‘No,’ Brendan sighed. ‘It’s my fault. It started when I arrested an innocent man. Don’t get me wrong, I had pretty good reason but, in the end, I arrested a man for a crime that not only had he not committed – it was a crime that never even happened. No good can ever come from something that starts like that. So as much as I would like to blame you – this is mostly my fault.’

      ‘Well, if you insist,’ I said, ‘but don’t beat yourself up too much – it could have happened to anyone.’

      ‘Thanks,’ he said, finally looking at me. ‘So this is really … real then?’

      ‘I’m afraid so.’

      ‘And I have been acting like a serious jerk?’

      ‘That too, I’m afraid, is true.’

      Brendan placed his hand over his face in embarrassment. ‘Oh my God, I rapped on your father’s forehead like it was a door. Oh, I am so sorry, Conor.’

      ‘Yeah, that was pretty bad.’

      ‘Oh and the furniture and the … I really am sorry, Conor,’ he said, sitting up. ‘But in my defence, I did think I was going to wake up at any moment.’

      ‘Fair enough, apology accepted.’ I held out my hand. ‘Shall we start over?’

      ‘I’d like that,’ he said, shaking it.

      I had come in to tell him that I was leaving for a few days but instead I said, ‘How about a road trip?’

      That piqued his interest. ‘To where?’

      ‘The Hazellands.’

      ‘Isn’t that where the Leprechaun army is stationed?’

      ‘Oh my gods, you were listening to me.’

      ‘I’m a man of my word, Conor. I didn’t believe or care about your story the first time you babbled it but the second time I promised I would listen and I did. Since Fand convinced me I wasn’t dreaming, I’ve been going over your adventure in my head. Did all of that stuff really happen?’

      ‘Yes,’ I said, chuckling. ‘Don’t feel bad about not believing me. I sometimes have trouble believing it myself. But to answer your question, no, the Leprechaun army was disbanded and I don’t know what’s there now.’

      ‘Who else is coming?’ Brendan said, hopping up and dressing. ‘Is that what’s-her-name that trashed my police station and burned my ear coming?’

      ‘You mean Aunt Nieve? I don’t know.’

      ‘How about the woman who throws me across the room with regularity?’

      ‘Yes, I’m sure Mom is coming.’

      ‘Who else?’

      ‘Araf probably.’

      ‘Who’s he?’

      ‘He’s the guy who threw me the stick when I hit you on the head.’

      ‘The first time you hit me or the second time?’

      ‘The second time – gosh, you have been having a rough time lately, but The Land’s like that in the beginning. It’ll get better. Can I buy you some lunch?’

      ‘You’re getting to know me, Conor. My wife used to do the same thing. Whenever she saw me getting down she would only have to feed me and I was happy again.’

      ‘Well then, let’s get the chef to whip up something special. And if you like I’ll teach you how to read Gaelic – since you can speak it, it shouldn’t be too hard.’