Living Upside Down. John Hickman

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СКАЧАТЬ pound to a penny if we’d had so much as a tinge of anything other than pure unadulterated snow in us, that would have been the end of it. Not even allowed to step over the threshold here. I wonder who would have greeted us instead of Fretsaw?”

      “The Ku Klux Klan, perhaps,” Sue opines.

      “Have they said, yes?”

      “I don’t know, have they?”

      Roger asks Fretsaw another question. “Where’s your boss?”

      He casually scans the area. “No-one ever knows the answer to that question,” he smiles.

      “Maybe we should get going, Sue?”

      “But we’ve only just arrived.”

      Fretsaw thinks of something. His voice, barely above a whisper, is irrepressibly cheerful, “If you’re accepted under the migration scheme your journey will be seamless. Remember to take nothing and carry as little as possible on your flight, as BOAC supplies everything. That includes baby food and nappies on the plane.”

      Sue gives Fretsaw her generous smile. “That’s wonderful. I was worried. It’s such a long way and how much to carry?” her voice tails off.

      Fretsaw beams. “Absolutely. Once assigned everything will be taken care of including accommodation. Guaranteed.”

      “Anything else?” Roger prompts eagerly.

      “According to our government rules everything has to be sold and finalised before you leave. You can understand the merit of that. No unfinished business to be left behind. You’d be surprised how many people flee Down Under to avoid commitments here.”

      “Absolutely,” Roger enthuses, “no loose ends.” Roger’s insides are a little less confident than he is showing.

      “Yes and if you have any specialised kitchen equipment, like say a technologically advanced kitchen cooker. Please ship it out. That sort of paraphernalia is in short supply Down Under.”

      Conversations continue but have long, pregnant pauses that make Roger and Sue feel uncomfortable.

      With their visit completed, their new friends at Australia House appear content in the knowledge that they are not black fellas in disguise.

      Fretsaw has one final piece of paperwork to be signed and witnessed.

      “Both of you press hard, please,” he instructs, “as the bottom copy’s yours.”

      Sue manages to sign her name without falling over in a dead faint.

      Roger mumbles to Sue as they head out. “Maybe his eyes are brown because he’s so full of bull shit? Getting worthwhile information here is like trying to get Cork out of Ireland.”

      “That man can say absolutely nothing and make it sound as strong and noble as the Ten Commandments.

      Did you pick up his comment about people migrating Down Under to run away from their commitments?” Sue asks, her conspiratorial tone sounds concerned.

      “Yes, but it hardly applies to us, as father’s bankers have never contacted me.”

      Sue mouths the words to Roger, “Good, then let’s leave quickly before they do.”

      Outside another downpour is well into its stride. Rain pelts down in heavy sheets. For a while, it bounces off the pavement like one long drum roll.

      “I wonder if it rains much in Australia.” Sue yells above the din. Roger merely shrugs.

      “For tail end of summer the wind is bitterly cold.”

      Roger cannot see the children thanks to their bundles of clothes. They resemble Michelin Men as they hurry to their car to make their way home.

      After their visit to Australia House, they receive a registered letter.

      “Might it be a change of heart about Fred?” Sue opines.

      Roger frowns. “Not likely, let’s open it and see.”

      He scans the letter, with Sue leaning heavily across his arm.

      “What’s it say?” Sue asks anxiously.

      “It states they don’t like our preferred destination of Perth.”

      Their disappointment is palpable.

      Sue’s face is as if she has secured a ticket to a Rolling Stones concert only to be told at the last minute that it has been cancelled.

      Her face drains of colour. “So, what’s our next move?”

      Trying to appear cool, calm, and composed when he feels none of those things Roger ponders their tabletop at length.

      “Why that damned harpoon to my brain and on a day when it’s already suffering impaired activity.” He whines on. “Why us?”

      Sue grabs his wrist with surprising strength; her voice is phlegmy, “All is not lost.”

      “Maybe Fretsaw and the way he avoided questions about Perth was a clue?” Roger ponders.

      “Or, if he saw the content of this letter, after all it is from another department, might he be as surprised as we are?”

      “Don’t call him to try and find out,” Sue cautions.

      Roger nods in agreement. “If there’s one thing Dad instilled in me, it was trust no-one.”

      “I’m guessing that made for some interesting Sunday lunches?”

      The letter expressed in polite terms how someone with Roger’s qualifications, or lack of them, would be better placed in one of their Eastern States. They gave the following choices:

      1. Sydney 2. Adelaide 3. Melbourne

      “Now what do we do?” Sue asks.

      Out comes their only map, again.

      “Its use is proving as reliable as my bowels,” Roger jokes.

      In a state of shock and disappointment, they stare stonily at the dot on the extreme left that represents Perth. They then traverse the latitude from Perth in the West across towards the Eastern States. They double-check their letter.

      “Seeking is the goal and searching will be the answer,” Roger sounds totally without conviction.

      “Yes,” Sue confirms, “it’s written — Eastern States.”

      After attempting to drown their sorrows about Perth being a no go, Roger has a shot at drawing a straight horizontal line across the map from Perth in the west.

      “Look,” Sue is cheering up a little, “the line you’ve drawn sits just below a place in the east called B-R-I-S-B-A-N-E that’s Brisbane, capital city of Queensland.”

      Looking СКАЧАТЬ