Real and Phantom Pains: An Anthology of New Russian Drama. John Freedman

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      BLIZZARD and VOLODYA riding in a police car. They look at each other.)

      BLIZZARD: What’s your name?

      VOLODYA: Volodya

      BLIZZARD: How old are you?

      VOLODYA: Twenty-five

      BLIZZARD: Say, Volodya, why did you single me out?

      VOLODYA: Your eyes

      (They look each other in the eyes.)

      BLIZZARD: I’ve seen you somewhere, but I don’t remember where

      VOLODYA: Your face is familiar, too, for some reason

      BLIZZARD: Maybe on TV?

      VOLODYA: I don’t watch TV

      BLIZZARD: Why not?

      VOLODYA: Why should I?

      (The street. ORANGINA and SNOWSTORM get out of a taxi, go up the stairs, get into the elevator. Their bodies frequently touch – knees, hands – but it’s always by accident. This continues to embarrass ORANGINA as they approach her apartment. ORANGINA is in the full bloom of a crush. She blushes constantly. SNOWSTORM is sweeping her, sweeping her, sweeping her off her feet.)

      SNOWSTORM: I once rented an apartment next to St. Isaac’s Cathedral. We dropped a couple of tabs. Basically, popped one or two tabs too many. I headed into the shower but it turned out to be a window. I wasn’t used to the place, you know. Fortunately it was on the first floor. I busted out the window and I’m walking around naked, dripping blood. I went out on the square and struck up a conversation with God. We had a long talk there that day.

      ORANGINA: And then what?

      SNOWSTORM: What else? They locked me up.

      ORANGINA: So what did God have to say?

      SNOWSTORM: You ought to knock that shit off, Snowstorm.

      (They’re silent. ORANGINA continues to blush from embarrassment.)

      You know what was drawn on those tabs?

      ORANGINA: What?

      SNOWSTORM: Milli Vanilli

      ORANGINA: Oh get off it!

      SNOWSTORM: It’s true. There was this one time they came up to me after a concert and they said, “Listen, Snowstorm, explain psychedelic trances to us and how to become psychedelic trance stars. We want to know.”

      ORANGINA: And what did you say?

      SNOWSTORM: Listen up, dudes. The job’s already taken.

      ORANGINA: By you?

      SNOWSTORM: You’ll see that soon enough.

      (ORANGINA stands in front of apt. No. 835. SNOWSTORM pulls out his keys and opens apt. No. 834. Puts down his yellow suitcase. ORANGINA is nervous, she fumbles with her keys. SNOWSTORM helps her open the door. ORANGINA is embarrassed, she doesn’t know whether to invite SNOWSTORM in with her or not. They aren’t finding it easy to part, even though she doesn’t know what to say.)

      Remember that guy we were drinking with yesterday?

      ORANGINA: Which one was that?

      SNOWSTORM: The one with AIDS.

      ORANGINA: No, I don’t.

      SNOWSTORM: I drank vodka out of his beer mug. I only realized later I shouldn’t have done that.

      ORANGINA: It could have been a lot worse

      SNOWSTORM: This is no laughing matter

      ORANGINA: God forbid

      SNOWSTORM: I probably ought to have a blood test

      ORANGINA: It’s too early for that

      SNOWSTORM: Maybe I can still be cured?

      ORANGINA: Your sample will blow people away

      SNOWSTORM: They’ll turn it over to the cops. The chemical makeup of my blood is irreversibly altered

      ORANGINA: And your brain

      SNOWSTORM: Yeah. I’ve got to clean up. Start working out

      ORANGINA: Take vitamins

      SNOWSTORM: What if they have additives or something?

      ORANGINA: Hallucinogenics

      SNOWSTORM: Exactly

      ORANGINA: Suffering fortifies the soul

      SNOWSTORM: I’m a sinner. I don’t like suffering

      (BUSHY-TAIL’s apartment. BUSHY-TAIL walks about her apartment in a long night-shirt reminiscing about the evening spent with her new friends.)

      BUSHY-TAIL: It’s like I was thrust into a new country where nothing has names yet. Or somebody invited me into a fairy-tale, a real magic kingdom

      (VOLODYA and BLIZZARD stand before the door of Apt. 834.)

      VOLODYA: This yours?

      BLIZZARD: Yes.

      (VOLODYA approaches Apt. 835. Music is heard coming from there. VOLODYA rings the doorbell. ORANGINA opens the door. BLIZZARD is rather surprised to see SNOWSTORM.)

      VOLODYA (Showing his badge): Police. I need two witnesses

      ORANGINA: Where?

      VOLODYA: Here

      ORANGINA: What happened?

      VOLODYA: I have to conduct a search

      (ORANGINA, SNOWSTORM, BLIZZARD and VOLODYA enter Apt. 834.

      VOLODYA walks about the apartment.)

      Let’s get to it

      (MANIAC’S apartment. MANIAC and SNOWFLAKE are still lying on the bed with their eyes open.)

      MANIAC: You sleeping?

      SNOWFLAKE: You can sleep in this state?

      (They are silent.)

      MANIAC: Somebody told me you went to confession

      SNOWFLAKE: Yeah

      MANIAC: What did you confess?

      SNOWFLAKE: My passionate desire to be liked and to entice and embarrass others. My penchant for listening to narcotic music, for wild dancing, СКАЧАТЬ