Fred's Amazing Holiday. Ian Higgins

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СКАЧАТЬ a couple of handkerchiefs and my plastic rain coat Try not to forget the tooth brush and tooth paste after brekkie before I head off. “Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay. Wonderful feeling. Wonderful day” ... All day off from school; free time. Mr Brown sure taught me a lesson this arvo.

      Must put in a new note book to write in, and pencils, and sharpener. Wouldn’t mind some of those dried apricots: could come in handy. Put em in.

      Oops Mum’s coming into the kitchen to boil the water: better do a bunk. Back into the bedroom: look busy. Oops not quick enough.

      “Just what you doing here?”

      “Just getting a drink, Mum.”

      “For Goodness sake. Just get on with your homework!”

      Don’t know who will be getting picked on by Mr Brown, after my little holiday. I’ll try to shut up more. My bright remarks make him agro... Silly old Brownie, dib, dib, dub. Oh I think that’s the Cubs or Boy Scouts. Now I remember, the Brownies, “Here we are in the brownie ring ready for most anything.” And the thing I am almost ready for is my holiday from Mr Brown. For now, I couldn’t care less how long a carpet one yard wide needs to be, to cover the floor of a room 18 feet by 12 feet with none left over.

      Mum yells out, while she waits for the kettle to boil. “Working hard Fred? Not daydreaming? I hope.”

      “Real hard, Mum.” What else could I say? Packing for my holiday? Not likely.

      The grown up’s talk goes on and on. Bet they’d be cross, if I said, “Aren’t you supposed to be reading your books: or why don’t you turn on the wireless and listen to some good music? ... Mocking Bird Hill or Lavender Blue Dilly Dilly, or The Black Hills of Dakota? ... Better get on with the sums. Mensuration. What an awful word, what’s the point?

      Wonder where I will be this time tomorrow night? ... Could catch the express train to Sydney ... Go to the Zoo. See Aunty Elsie. That’ll give Aunty Ruth and Aunty Dot something to think about; once they find out. Aunty Ruth will say, “Always knew he was trouble.” She always says that just cos. I am the oldest around here and so I’m to blame, when the littler kids do something wrong. Lucky, I was not in the old chook house on a perch like everybody else, when Charlie did his famous no-clothes-on-dancing-dick dance. So lucky... ough... Charlie got a belting, when his Dad found out. I know Gran laughed and Mum said that it wasn’t funny and she doesn’t know what children are coming to. Maybe it would have been smart, if Gran left it at that, instead of saying to Mum, “I suppose you never did anything wrong.” That kept the conversation going. Hammer and tongs.

      “Oh! Mum! Didn’t see you ... at the door!”

      “Dare say you didn’t! Not daydreaming, Fred? Once again, are you? I heard from a dicky bird, your latest nickname happens to be Dreamy Daniel. And don’t bother smiling, that inane smile. It is not funny, at all. Just pick up the pencil! Get on with it! Your daydreaming is nearly as irritating as your always answering back. When are you going to learn that adults like to have the last word?”

      “Yes Mum. Sorry Mum.” She does not know my new nickname is Mr IXL. No longer Dreamy Daniel, already out of fashion. Not the time to tell her. Now.

      “Forget the Sorry bit... Just get on with it, for once.” And off Mum goes, balancing two cups and saucers. She could join Wirth’s Circus and make some money...

      Mum’s good with words. Bet she’ll have something smart to say to Old Brownie, when she gives him a piece of her mind... tomorrow... but I’ll be over the hills and far away. Singing: Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-Ay My Oh My What a wonderful day... Plenty of sunshine headin’ my way...

      Better write my letter; wont put in the truth that Mr Brown pisses me off... better not.

      Dear Mum and Dad,

      Do not worry about me,

      I am on a holiday,

      I am off to see the world.

      Got all my money from my money box.

      Tell Gran and Grandpa.

      You can tell Mr Brown, if you like.

      See you soon,

      Fred (Mr IXL to Mr Brown)

      Fold it up nicely. Place it on the desk under the green frog paper-weight.

      Now I can be like Cuthbert the Caterpillar meeting Wilfred the Wasp, when Wilfred tells Cuthbert that he is, “Off to see the world.” And off they go to see the world. As Grandma says, tomorrow is another day, my day off, the day I am off, up, up and away.

      Better put down an answer for that carpet thing in my exercise book. Easy to make up a good answer, 1.750 yards. Ha! Ha! That’ll make him happy, I don’t think... if he ever sees this.

      “Finished! Mum! Off to the dunny, then off to bed. Say good night to Dad, when he gets in from the late shift”

      “Good night Gran, Good night Mum.”

      “Sleep tight.”

      Taking a long time to go to sleep. I must get to sleep: tomorrow’s going to be Big.

      THE BIG DAY DAWNS

      “Don’t gulp your food. I know you want to get off early to school to play marbles with your friends, but just slow down. You are very early today. I don’t know what’s got into you. Beats me.”

      “Here’s your lunch, corn beef sandwiches and an apple.”

      “Thanks Mum.”

      “Just put it all in your bag, straightaway! And don’t forget to brush your teeth!”

      “I’ve remembered my hanky, Mum; and my school bag, and I am not picking my nose and I got my fly all buttoned up.”

      “Don’t you get cheeky with me!”

      “No Mum, Sorry Mum.”

      “Have a good day! Just try to stay on the good side of Mr Brown, for once. Listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t back chat.”

      “Yes Mum, I won’t say a word. Honest truth: cross my heart and hope to die. I am turning over a new leaf. You’ll be surprised... really surprised. ”

      “About time, Fred. Now off you go.”

      Out the door, fast, up the street, fast, nick through the backyard of the Evergreens, (what a name; suppose it’s better than Deciduous): up onto the railway embankment Wow a train coming ... better run ... run faster ... full steam ahead ... might miss it.

      “Hurry up sonny! Grab the door into the last compartment, before I blow me whistle.”

      Made it. Better read my comic. Not that easy to get out... Here the comic comes at last. Better get the toothbrush and paste out of my pocket and into the bag and, as Mum says, settle down. “Bye, Bye, Mr Brown. Now I am off to town, won’t be back for many a day... Dunno what comes next.”

      Sherwood, СКАЧАТЬ