Just Get Me Through This! - Revised and Updated. Deborah A. Cohen
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Название: Just Get Me Through This! - Revised and Updated
Автор: Deborah A. Cohen
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Здоровье
isbn: 9780758285478
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Activate Your Civil Rights
The decision about how, when, and if to tell your employer about your cancer diagnosis is often shrouded in a dense cloud of emotions, which include fear, anxiety, and relief, as well as some very practical concerns about job security and your right to privacy. Furthermore, whom do you tell? Your boss, the human resources officers, or only a trusted coworker who might help manage some of your workload should you need relief? Relax a bit. If you choose to be candid and straightforward about your diagnosis, you will “activate” an umbrella of civil rights—a group of federal and state laws that offer protection for your position and provide you with “reasonable” accommodations if you are able to perform the essential functions of your position, should you need to adjust your work schedule to get through your cancer experience.
The two most relevant programs include the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). (See Chapter 7, “Balancing Work,” for details on each program.) Just imagine that you have bundles of these rights burning holes in your pockets, screaming to be pulled out and utilized to protect you. The few simple requirements? Your employer must be aware and knowledgeable of your condition, and you must be able to perform the essential functions of your position. Begin an ongoing, nonconfrontational dialogue by officially communicating to your HR department as soon as you realize you might want or need time off from work (basic surgery will require at least some time off). Provide just the basic facts about your situation. Don’t volunteer too much information or detail, as you never know how information can be misconstrued and where it may end up. For example, if you are seeing a social worker or psychiatrist to deal with the emotional impact on you and your family, your employer only needs to know that you may need to miss work for regular medical appointments associated with your cancer. Document any conversations and commitments your employer has made to you—in writing. If you don’t, you may regret it when you need to draw on your rights and you failed to activate them.
Hint: Practice first. Rehearse what you’re going to say with family or friends because you might be nervous. Also, be specific about what you want from your employer. They have rights too, and will need to balance the potential financial burden of your partial or full absence from work, with accommodating you as best they can under the legal framework.
A Final Thought : Making Others Comfortable Is Fine, but Remember to Take Care of Yourself First.
Look back at the past few days or weeks, and give yourself a pat on the back for what you’ve accomplished so far. You’ve exposed yourself to the entire world—or at least you feel that way—and you’ve maintained your composure and strength, while quelling the anxieties of others. Whether you’ve been proactive at work dispelling myths about cancer in the workplace, or comforting friends or family who might fear your mortality or their own, bravo! Now remember that you’re the one with cancer! There’s a fine balance between making others comfortable so they are there to support you, and weeding out those whom you might not want around right now. Your mental and physical energy should be focused on you now, not them.
CHAPTER 2
Swinging into Action
You may not believe me until you’re deep in the thick of it, but getting together a game plan for how you’re going to deal with your cancer experience goes a long way toward regaining a sense of control over your body and your emotions. Once you’ve picked yourself up off the floor after being whacked with that tidal wave of a diagnosis, you realize there is something very empowering and reassuring about taking action to manage your situation. This chapter addresses:
• The process and sources for Gathering Information, whether you become your own chief researcher, or you delegate to a family member, friend, or someone in your inner circle.
• Establishing Support and Coping Mechanisms to help you through your breast cancer experience.
• Recommendations on Building Your Health Care Team, including an overview of all the medical professionals and specialists involved, and how to get them most effectively working for you.
GATHERING INFORMATION: BECOMING AN INSTANT EXPERT
You Can Research Forever, but Faith in Your Doctor Is the End Goal.
Depending upon the specific circumstances around your diagnosis, how it unfolded, and when you received critical pieces of information, you may need to do research at several different times during the progression through your cancer experience. For example, I went through two phases. First, after receiving the results of my biopsy that showed malignant cells, and an initial consultation with my breast surgeon, who recommended a lumpectomy, I sought out a second opinion. I also did my own research on the pros and cons of lumpectomy versus mastectomy to feel comfortable with the lumpectomy recommendation of both doctors I had seen. (See Chapter 3, “Evaluating Your Options” for more on how that decision gets made by the medical community.) Then, once I received the pathology report that detailed the results of my lumpectomy surgery, with its implications for follow-up treatment, I sought out opinions from oncologists as to various chemotherapy options.
Each of you will have a slightly different experience as to when you need to gather information, for example, if you are having a mastectomy and have to consider immediate versus delayed reconstructive surgery. However, for simplicity’s sake, I will discuss the entire research and information-gathering process here in this section. It might turn out to be a few pages that you come back to time and time again.
The critical point to remember is that while you are the ultimate decision maker as to what does or does not happen to your body, in the end, you must have faith in and be comfortable with your doctors. You can do research until the cows come home, but your doctors have dedicated their lives to this topic, so you will never match their expertise, experience, and insight. All you can hope to do is gain a basic understanding to feel comfortable with their recommendations. If you aren’t comfortable, ask for explanations until you are. If you don’t receive satisfactory explanations in jargon-free, nontechnical English, maybe you should consider another doctor, one with whom you can develop a stronger rapport.
Time Doesn’t Stand Still, but It Will Pause for a Few Weeks.
This research phase may seem more ominous than attempting to read an entire semester’s syllabus two days before the final exam. You’re paralyzed as to where to even begin, and you’re sure that the cancer will grow exponentially inside you by the hour unless you have surgery tomorrow. Relax a bit. Most of the medical research suggests no variation in survival rates or treatment efficacy as long as you begin treatment within four to six weeks. So, take a couple of weeks to get all the information you need to feel comfortable with a decision, and then let it settle in for a week or so, as you’ll be living with this decision the rest of your life. By all means, don’t dally, but consider it nature’s reprieve, or time well spent, so you’re intellectually and emotionally ready when treatment begins.
Rationalize the Mortality Statistics : Consider It Healthy Denial.
No matter what stage your diagnosis, Stage I or Stage II, you will become terrified when you start to look at the mortality statistics СКАЧАТЬ