Straight to Jesus. Tanya Erzen

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СКАЧАТЬ Exodus ministries used an amalgam of biblical passages and twelve-step rhetoric in their materials and classes, combining what Frank characterized as “the best of the religious and psychological.” Michael Bussee criticized the changes in Exodus models this way: “At first they said prayer would lead you to change, then they changed it and said only a long struggle would lead to change, and then therapy and residential programs became the only way to change.”²⁴ Today, New Hope utilizes a model of residential living and relationships with God and other ex-gay men to promote healing from homosexuality. Other ex-gay ministries base their programs on an AA model and extensive psychological testing and counseling with trained therapists and psychologists.

      NEW HOPE IN MANILA

      Frank continued to oversee Love in Action throughout the 1980s, as he completed and refined the “Steps Out Residential Program” fourpart workbook and his guide for pastors and counselors, “Helping People Step Out of Homosexuality.” Sometime in the late eighties, Frank explained that he sensed a calling from God to begin ex-gay missionary work abroad. At first he ignored these calls, but God's voice was insistent, and he became sure that the place he needed to go was Manila, Philippines. “Sometime around 1984, God gave me the word that Anita and I would be ministering in the Philippines. At the time, it wasn't exactly a welcomed word. I pondered this for about two years, then in talking with Sy Rogers I found that God had told him that he and his family would be going to Singapore, too. It was at this time that I shared this word with Anita.”²⁵ The calling coincided with efforts by Exodus to expand the organization internationally through ministry church plants in countries without an ex-gay presence. “Planting” ex-gay ministries abroad was necessary for the creation of an international network that would counteract the emergence of pro-gay movements in parts of Asia and Europe. Despite some foot-dragging and a lack of initial enthusiasm from Anita, the Worthens moved to the Philippines to initiate an ex-gay ministry called Bagong Pag-Asa that would be the sister ministry to Love in Action. Anita and Frank went to Manila as Exodus North American missionaries, and Exodus gave them an official send-off at the annual conference in San Antonio in 1990. They had made a three-year commitment.

      Manila was disconcertingly unfamiliar and a far cry from the suburban streets of San Rafael. Frank, who was then in his sixties, suffered various illnesses during the first year, including a bout of Bell's palsy, a nerve condition that paralyzes one side of the face. Although their “calling” was ex-gay ministry, Frank and Anita tried to integrate into the local community through service projects, and one of their first was to set up a feeding program for infants. Through a Catholic church in the area that provided space and referrals, and with the help of an interpreter, Frank began a weekly meeting for men dealing with homosexuality. Unlike the LIA men, most Filipino men who came to Bagong Pag-Asa were married but engaging in homosexual behavior. In these sessions, Frank said he became aware that homosexuality was linked to deep cultural feelings of shame. He contended that the issues for men in Manila were similar to the men at LIA, but then conceded, “Certainly there's this different twist. The shame is greater. They don't even have words to talk about homosexuality. They have only dirty words, street words, because they don't talk about this.” The unremitting fear of divine retribution for participating in same-sex behavior rather than any hope for complete heterosexuality brought men to Frank's fledgling ministry. Frank also found that his ideas about the “gay lifestyle” were inapplicable in the context of Manila, where the men he encountered did not identify as gay. For many men who had never called themselves “gay” or attached an identity to their sexual behavior, Bagong Pag-Asa created an identity for them, giving the name “ex-gay” to what had only been a series of sexual practices.

      At the end of the three years, Anita returned to California because her son's partner was dying of AIDS-related illnesses, and she wanted to help care for him. Although she was working to establish an ex-gay ministry abroad, this did not create an obstacle for her in terms of supporting her son, Randy, through the last years of his lover's life. Frank had planned to come home, but Exodus sent one of its board members over to request that he remain in Manila another two years because the board felt Bagong Pag-Asa could not yet stand on its own feet. He reluctantly reached a compromise with them and stayed an additional year. When Frank finally left Manila, the residential part of Bagong Pag-Asa ended due to a lack of funding, but the ministry still exists under the leadership of Rene Gomez, a Filipino man who now attends Exodus's annual conference and events in the United States. In 2001 Frank and Anita returned for a ten-year reunion to see whether the ministry they planted had been able to endure (see below).

      Before leaving for Manila, Frank had officially turned Love in Action over to a former program member and house leader named John Smid.Smid, who bears an uncanny resemblance to the actor Jeff Goldblum, albeit with blond hair, had an air of severity, but LIA continued to thrive under his leadership. Frank had hoped to return to California for a year's sabbatical to rest and recuperate: “At that time I had had twenty-two years of ministry without a break and I was longing for some time off.” Then Frank planned to proceed to Hong Kong, where he had made some initial contacts through occasional visits to the Hong Kong branch of his Manila church. He was contemplating the establishment of another ministry there. His plans were foiled, however, when in mid-1994 an Open Door pastor phoned him with the news that John Smid had decided to relocate LIA to Memphis, Tennessee, where he had received a lucrative offer from a church to house the program. “At first I thought he was joking, so he had Mike Riley phone me to tell me it was really happening. It was quite a jolt.” Even though John Smid had the right to move the ministry because Frank had ceded control to him, Frank asked him to delay for one year so that the transition would be gradual and Frank could enjoy a year of sabbatical, but Smid felt he could not wait that long.

      The LIA residential program operated out of Frank's two apartment complex properties, and Frank lived on that source of revenue. When LIA moved, Frank lost his income from the program, making a sabbatical and work in Hong Kong impossible. Frank recalled, “It was a very traumatic time for me.” He described himself as “depleted, emotionally, physically and especially financially.” Frank returned to California in time to see about thirty people affiliated with LIA and Open Door Church pack up and move to Memphis. He defined this period as one of the lowest points in his life because the ministry was stripped bare of people and resources. Smid had taken everything, including cabinets from the walls. Joined by several carpenters from Church of the Open Door who worked without compensation, Anita and Frank were able to rebuild the properties that had been modified for group living and rent them over a period of several months. Frank said that because he had always been very responsible financially, it pained him to run up his credit cards and his equity loan. Hank arrived at New Hope during this transition period and quickly became Frank and Anita's right-hand man. Some of the people who had followed Smid to Memphis returned, and Frank officially renamed the ministry New Hope on January 1, 1995. After several false starts, Frank and Smid achieved a rapprochement, and Frank participated in the twenty-fifth anniversary of LIA in Memphis in 1998, even though most of the twenty-five years occurred under Frank's leadership in California. However, their relationship appeared strained, judging from my encounters with both of them. At the annual Exodus conference in 2000, LIA and New Hope held separate information sessions for men and women interested in a residential program. At the LIA session, Smid was defensive when someone asked how his ministry differed from New Hope. “We're a professional therapeutic program with staff and clients,” he replied. The only time I ever saw Frank evince stress and frustration in the entire time I knew him was when he mentioned this period of LIA/New Hope's history. Still, Frank invited John to fly out and join New Hope in their thirty years of ministry celebration in May 2003.

      Despite LIA's awkward move to Memphis, Open Door and New Hope have maintained a symbiotic relationship since the early 1970s due to Frank's long history with Pastor Mike. New Hope meant a steady stream of new congregants at Open Door, and the church provided spiritual support and refuge for the ex-gay men and women in the program. Beyond Open Door, New Hope's relationship with other churches has been tentative, and a central preoccupation of Frank's has always been the relationship of the ex-gay movement to conservative churches in general. After LIA moved to Memphis, Frank wanted to find another church to sponsor and build up the СКАЧАТЬ