High Treason and Low Comedy. Robert T. O’Keeffe

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СКАЧАТЬ woman, I forbid you to get mixed up in my professional affairs.

      HROMADKA: Franzi, your behavior is scandalous!

      FRANZI: Certainly, Herr Colonel, here in this place you have the right to forbid what you want. I shouldn’t get involved in your men’s business, or in your professional affairs. Fine, Herr Colonel. But you shouldn’t be getting my fine young Stefan involved in your dreary little men’s business or your wretched professional affairs. That’s what I’ll forbid to you. Poor Stefan!

      (she addresses Redl) : We’ll see each other again.

      (she exits)

      REDL: Well now, you just got a preview of what kind of wifely lectures await you when you marry. Look how she’s been snooping around after you! And how she’s been collecting information about me. An international spy couldn’t have discovered more! And how critical she is of my profession ...

      HROMADKA: I really must beg your pardon for all this.

      REDL: No, it’s all right. But I do want to save you from the clutches of this woman, she’s a real witch, I’m telling you. Come on, take a trip with me, we’ll make a pleasant tour of the Alps ...

      HROMADKA: I don’t have any military leave time.

      Arranging a trip to the mountains

      REDL: I’ll get your leave for you tomorrow, do you want that?

      HROMADKA (hesitantly): But ...

      REDL: No buts about it! Do you want to? (Hromadka is shaking his head) We’ll travel by car. In a touring car, I’ll buy you a touring car.

      HROMADKA: An Austro-Daimler?*

      REDL: Yes, an Austro-Daimler.

      HROMADKA: When?

      REDL: First thing tomorrow.

      HROMADKA: Your word of honor on that?

      REDL (smiling): My word of honor

      * One of the most expensive cars of the pre-WWI era. Redl owned two and, in Kisch’s 1924 report, he was having one ostentatiously refurbished while in Vienna to deal with Hromakda.

      HROMADKA: You’ve got that kind of money?

      REDL: Yes.

      HROMADKA: Here in Vienna?

      REDL (as he looks at the clock): Yes, but you should go now and pack your bags. And tomorrow morning you’re coming, aren’t you? Word of honor?

      The Colonel rushes off

      HROMADKA: Word of honor! Are you going out too?

      REDL: No, not — that is, well, I do have to go out now.

      HROMADKA: Good, then, we’ll go together.

      REDL: No, that’s not on. I’ve got to change into civvies.

      HROMADKA: Well, I don’t mind waiting for you.

      REDL: No, I have a private matter to attend to.

      HROMADKA (as he drums his fingers playfully): Aha! An affair of the heart, is that what’s up?

      REDL: Not a bit of that! Something very different. Go on, get out of here.

      HROMADKA: All right, all right, don’t throw me out. Should I send for a car for you?

      REDL: Yes, order me a car—No, forget that. I’ll pick up a taxi while I’m on my way.

      HROMADKA: As you wish. Well, with obedient respect, Colonel, Sir. (he exits)

      REDL: Good-bye until tomorrow, my dear Stefan. (he hurriedly puts on an overcoat)

      CURTAIN

      The inebriated Inspector of Troops

      ACT II

      CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION FACILITIES IN THE OFFICE OF THE COUNTER–INTELLIGENCE SERVICE

      (The Chief of the Intelligence Bureau, Colonel Umanitzky; the Inspector General of the Troops, Archduke Viktor Salvator; and the Chief of the General Staff, Field Marshal Conrad von Hötzendorf)

      UMANITZKY (sitting at his desk, on the telephone with the police chief): No, No, Herr Commissioner, release the man from custody at six o’clock this evening. I’ll send someone to keep him under watch on the Elizabeth Street promenade. Something’s bound to play out there.

      (Salvator and Conrad enter)

      UMANITZKY (jumping to his feet): With my obedient respect, your Imperial Highness! With obedient respect, Excellency!

      CONRAD: Good afternoon, Herr Colonel.

      SALVATOR (extending his hand toward Umanitzky): Greetings! So, how’s everything with you? Still chasing the ladies? Yesterday I was over at Tabarin,* there’s a little Hungarian girl there, Ilonka, she’s flawless, her advance guard as well as her rear-guard. (he traces her figure in the air with his hands)

      CONRAD: Herr Colonel, we’ve come to take a look at the facilities of the counter-intelligence service.

      * An exclusive men’s club in Vienna.

      No cognac, No attractive young girls?

      SALVATOR: Do you have any cognac, Umanitzky? Or a whiskey and soda? You know, just the other day I was at Sacher’s* in the

      * A popular hotel, with restaurant and café, home of the famous chocolate-cake confection, “Sacher-Torte”.

      afternoon, and I guzzled down a sherry-cobbler, enough to drown you, the whole thing through a straw ...

      CONRAD: We’re on duty here, Imperial Highness.

      SALVATOR (with mock strictness): By all means, on duty, Colonel, Sir! I order you to show us the facilities of the counterintelligence bureau. I forbid you to speak of any private or personal matters here! (already he lapses from his role-playing) Don’t you really have any cognac? (Conrad directs Umanitzky to get out a bottle of cognac for Salvator. Salvator sits down and takes a drink)

      UMANITZKY (explaining things): Your Excellency, here’s the photographic catalog of everyone suspected of espionage, foreigners and our own citizens, listed in alphabetical order, both male and female agents.

      SALVATOR (jumping up): What the devil! You’ve got women in there too? Any good-looking ones in there, huh? I’ve got to see this for myself!

      CONRAD: We’re on duty here, Imperial Highness.

      SALVATOR: Well, what nonsense! What do you really think about that, Herr Colonel? Over there we’re on duty too, Herr Colonel. Do you think that in the military chancellery we spend all our time on our own pleasures? (here he falls out of his role) Come on, Umanitzky, show me СКАЧАТЬ