The New Father. Armin A. Brott

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      • Hold the baby facing you, upright, her body against your chest, head above your shoulder. Pat or rub her back gently.

      • Lay the baby face down across your knees, head carefully supported. Pat or rub her back gently.

      • Hold the baby on your knee in a sitting position, leaning forward slightly. Pat or rub her back gently.

      Whichever option(s) you choose, remember this: keep the baby’s head higher than her butt, always support the head, and gentle patting or rubbing is just as effective as—and less dangerous than—thumping hard (it’s also just as likely to produce one of those loud, satisfying belches). Since burps sometimes bring some liquid with them, be sure to protect yourself and your clothing before you start.

      Finally, keep in mind that there’s a difference between spitting up and vomiting. Spitting up is essentially a wet burp that dribbles out of the baby’s mouth. Vomiting involves a lot more fluid. Spitting up is nothing to worry about, but if your baby vomits or there’s blood in the spit-up, call your pediatrician.

      For Boys Only

      I’m assuming that by now, you and your partner have already made your decision about whether or not to circumcise your son. Whatever your choice—and whether the procedure is done in the hospital or is part of a religious ritual—your son’s penis requires some special care.

      THE CIRCUMCISED PENIS

      The penis will be red and sore for a few days after the circumcision. Until it’s fully healed, you’ll need to protect the newly exposed tip and keep it from sticking to the inside of his diaper (a few tiny spots of blood on his diapers for a few days, however, is perfectly normal). Ordinarily, you’ll need to keep the penis dry and the tip lubricated with petroleum jelly or antibiotic ointment. Some pediatricians recommend keeping the penis wrapped in gauze until it’s healed to protect it from urine, which is very irritating. Others say not to bother with the gauze. The exception to this is if your baby received a plastibell (a plastic ring that goes between the foreskin and the head of the penis). In this case you’ll want to stay away from any kind of ointment or dressings until the plastibell drops off (usually 5–10 days after it was put on). If you have any questions or worries, the person who performed the circumcision or the hospital nursing staff should be able to give you more specific and detailed care instructions.

      THE UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS

      Even if you elect not to circumcise your son, you’ll still have to spend some time taking care of his penis. The standard way to clean an uncircumcised penis is to retract the foreskin and gently wash the head of the penis with mild soap and water. However, 85 percent of boys under six months have a foreskin that doesn’t retract, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. If this is the case with your son, don’t force it. Check with your pediatrician immediately and follow his or her hygiene instructions carefully. Fortunately, as boys get older, their foreskins retract on their own; by age one, 50 percent retract, and by age three, 80–90 percent.

      Parents, In-Laws, Siblings, and Other “Helpers”

      One of the most common questions you’ll hear from people is whether they can help out in any way. Some people are serious, others are just being polite. You can tell one group from the other by keeping a list of chores that need to be done and asking them to take their pick.

      Be particularly careful about accepting offers of help from people—especially parents (yours or hers)—who arrive on your doorstep with suitcases and open-ended travel arrangements. New grandparents may have more traditional attitudes toward parenting and may not be supportive of your involvement with your child. They may also have very different ideas about how babies should be fed, dressed, carried, played with, and so on. It’s important, then, to be very clear that although you appreciate the help and advice, you and your partner are the baby’s parents, and what the two of you say ultimately goes.

      Much the same applies to just about anyone else who offers to move in with you for a few days, weeks, or months to “help out,” especially people who have their own kids. With all your other responsibilities, the last thing you want to do is play host to a bunch of relatives. If someone does stay with you to help out after the birth, great—my sister-in-law spent a week with us after the birth of my youngest and ended up filling our freezer with months’ worth of incredible food. But it’s important that everyone understands that you and your partner are going to spend most of your free time sleeping, not socializing.

      Knowing When to Get Help

      If you have older kids, you already know that most of the stuff first-time parents panic about turns out to be perfectly normal. But if you’re a first-time parent, you’re going to worry about everything, no matter what anyone tells you. Your pediatrician will probably give you a list of what’s normal and what’s not for the first few weeks of life. But here are some things that warrant a call:

      • If your baby seems unusually floppy and/or nonresponsive.

      • If your baby cries for a very long time or sounds strange—whooping, gasping, high-pitched crying—or is completely inconsolable.

      • Infection at the circumcision or umbilical cord site. Swelling, red streaks on the penis or near the cord, continued bleeding, or pus-like discharge could indicate a problem.

      • Excessive sleep. It can be a little hard to determine this in the early days, but generally speaking, your baby should wake up every 2–3 hours and be ravenous.

      • Yellow skin. This could be jaundice, which is very common but requires medical attention to keep it from becoming dangerous.

      • Not enough pee and poop. If, after the third or fourth day of life, your baby isn’t producing two to three poopy diapers and five wet ones every 24 hours, she could be dehydrated. Other signs include dark-colored or strong-smelling urine, a sunken soft spot on the baby’s head, dry mouth and tongue, sunken eyes, and listlessness.

      Getting to Know You

      WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE BABY

      Physically

      • Most of your baby’s physical movements are still reflexive, but the leg and arm thrashing should be fairly symmetrical. Sometime this month, while flailing his arms around, your baby will accidentally stick his hand into his mouth. After getting over the initial shock, he’ll realize that sucking—even when there’s no milk involved—is downright fun. By the end of the month, he’ll probably be able to get his hand in his mouth—on purpose—fairly regularly, and if he had any hair to start with, he’ll have worn away a nice bald spot on the back of his head.

      • Lying on his tummy, he’s now able to lift his head just enough to turn it so his nose won’t be smashed into the mattress. Lying on his back, he should be able to lift his head up 45 degrees and hold it there for a few seconds.

      • If you put him in a sitting position, he’ll try to keep his head in line with his back, but he won’t be able to hold it steady for more than a second or two without support.

      • He wants to eat every 2–4 hours, but waste production is way down: 2–4 bowel movements and 6–8 wet diapers per day.

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