Roots of Empathy. Mary Gordon

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СКАЧАТЬ bully a lesson” by doing to the bully whatever he had done to the victim, another student immediately said, “But then wouldn’t you become the bully?” Other voices joined in, strategies were discussed, and the student consensus was: “Bullying is never justified. Believe in yourself. Trust your friends. Ask an adult for help.” The children’s solution illuminates their understanding that everyone is involved in putting a stop to bullying.

      With a little support from us, children reveal depths of understanding and social genius that will astound us.

       Empathy Is Caught Not Taught

      Our program seeks to build a classroom environment where strength arises out of connection and respectful relationships, a classroom environment where, as children build those relationships, they learn how they are alike. Out of this arise skills in consensus-building, negotiating, empathy and self-awareness. Through the Roots of Empathy baby’s first year of life, children are inhaling the social environment of relationship-building, not through dependence on instruction, but through the intrinsic learning experiences of a continuing connection. Values are communicated, and attitudes are internalized. The subtlest learning lies in what children catch from what they see and hear and from people’s responses to them cumulatively, over time. We can only expect children to be empathic if they’ve had real and repeated experiences of empathy in their daily lives. Roots of Empathy opens a door to this world. For some children, who have ingested empathy with their breast milk, it is a familiar world; for other children, whose early circumstances have been less fortunate, it is a world they can feel welcome in and begin to own.

      In our classrooms, each individual’s emotions, preferences and opinions are important. No individual is more important than the other, and the goal is to find a way that everyone can feel validated—not the instructor at the expense of the child, or one child at the expense of another child, but everyone, each in a way that accords respect to that person.

      One classroom teacher describes her Roots of Empathy children this way: “After a year of exposure to the program, I am amazed at their collective abilities to engage in critical thinking tasks. They are keen problem solvers, in small and large group settings. Individually, they are able to make independent decisions, no small achievement for six-year-olds! I have absolutely no bullying in my classroom, a feat I attribute solely to the program. In fact, my students have become self-appointed “peacemakers” on the playground, often bringing students from other grades and classes to our classroom to “solve the problem by talking it over.”

      When children are given the opportunity to take charge of their own problem solving, they develop inner motivation and begin to find their way to becoming confident, contributing adults. They acquire a sense of pride that has nothing to do with vanity and everything to do with conviction. They don’t do things so someone will like them or because they hope to get some recognition or another reward. They become true givers, because they have something extra to give. I believe that we will never get to altruism without empathy.

       Empathy and the 3 R’s

      Debates on what constitutes a “good” education often pit the proponents of the “three R’s” against those who place an emphasis on the need for schools to inculcate values. What is heartening to me is the growing body of thought that not only links these two positions but places empathy at the foundation of what is essential to academic success.

      An empathic person has not only learned to understand the feelings, behaviour and intentions of others but also cares. Being able to communicate that understanding requires emotional literacy. The cognitive scientist B.F. Jones writes, “Successful students often recognize that much of their success involves their ability to communicate with others . . . they are also able to view themselves and the world through the eyes of others. This means . . . examining beliefs and circumstances of others, keeping in mind the goal of enhanced understanding and appreciation. . . . Successful students value sharing experiences with persons of different backgrounds as enriching their lives.”⁸

      A program that focuses on the development of empathy opens the doors of social and emotional learning for children, giving them skills of emotional perception that strengthen their sense of self and their ability to connect to and collaborate effectively with others throughout childhood and adolescence. This learning comes from emotion shared with classmates, attunement with the baby and communication with adults who are on the same emotional wavelength.

      A school vice-principal who is also a Roots of Empathy instructor once shared just such a moment with me:

      By the time of Jenna’s second visit to the classroom, she was almost four months old and trying very hard to roll over. When we spoke about this in the post-family-visit class, the children found it awesome that a baby so small could be so determined, could put so mu ch energy and concentration into this single accomplishment. They were particularly intrigued with what a little gymnast Jenna was as she grasped her feet and pulled them up. “She really, really wants to roll over—you can see it in her face and in her whole body!”

      What was even more perceptive in this group of six- and seven-year-olds was the profound understanding of the concept of frustration. “It is so hard to want to do something really badly and just not be able to do it.” There was general agreement on that. Then Daniel, with one of those insights that young children frequently show but which never fail to amaze the adults in their lives, said, “It must be so scary to not be able to control your own body.” What an intuitive sense Daniel gave us of the complexity of emotions we experience when we are confronted with something new—the eagerness to make it happen, the thrill of discovery, and yet, the fear of not being in control.

      The children were full of anticipation, awaiting Jenna’s third visit. We had discussed their predictions about what she would be able to do by now and “rolling over” was a hot favourite. On the family-visit day, Jenna’s mother placed her on her back on the green blanket. Almost immediately, she started twisting her body, stretching her arms, and swinging her feet off the floor and over to the side. Within seconds, she had flipped over onto her tummy and the class went wild. Every child was clapping and cheering. There was a community of delight that Jenna had reached a new milestone.

      Daniel turned to Shakeel and said, “See, Shakeel, just like you. She can do it now.” In the general excitement, no one asked Daniel what he meant. Later that morning, the children were drawing. Shakeel drew a picture of himself learning to ride his bike. “Just like Jenna,” he said. Shakeel explained how difficult it was to learn to ride a two-wheeler. He had experienced lots of frustration. He was so glad that Daniel had been helping him after school and stuck with him till he was able to do it. Daniel had told him he deserved to succeed because he had worked so hard for so long to get it right.

      It all clicked into place. Jenna’s milestone, Shakeel’s milestone. The children had transferred their insights in the classroom to their world outside the classroom. The vehicle was empathy.

      This was a rich experience for everyone involved. Together, around their eagerness for the baby’s achievement, they shared an emotion, established a strong sense of wishing others well and formed the kind of connection that binds people together and builds civil societies.

      The immediate gains for children in the Roots of Empathy class are skills that enable them to be understood and to understand, and the critical blending of emotion, cognition and memory that will make them successful learners. And as future parents, they gain living experience of a model of competent parenting that they can bring to raising, caring for and teaching their own children. And, perhaps, most importantly of all, each of these advantages builds on the other to enrich our everyday interactions and creates the base for a society that values collaboration, interdependence and respects the voice of every member.

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