When Food Is Comfort. Julie M. Simon

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       Yes, but I Had Great Parents

      To some degree everyone is a prisoner of the past.

      — Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery

      One thing most emotional eaters have in common is that their childhoods didn’t feel particularly nurturing. Even if their parents or caregivers were loving, supportive, and kind, often there just wasn’t enough quality attention, listening, good attunement, understanding, empathy, soothing, comfort, and consistent nurturance for optimal development of the brain’s self-regulation circuitry.

      You may be thinking, “Hold on, this doesn’t fit my situation — my parents were very loving and caring, and I didn’t experience any traumatic events in my childhood. My problem is that I just love food and eating.” I understand. And I believe you. I also believe that if you’re having trouble managing your eating habits and maintaining your weight in an optimum range, there’s a good chance that your brain’s self-regulation circuits could use some strengthening, and your self-soothing and self-comforting skills could use some sharpening. There’s some reason you’re having difficulty consistently regulating your behaviors and meeting your needs without turning to your favorite foods.

      Even well-meaning caregivers can unintentionally neglect their children’s emotional needs at critical points in terms of brain development. Sometimes caregivers are unskilled at handling their children’s routine emotional challenges, including disappointments and losses, and they offer food as a source of comfort. Perhaps your parents baked cookies for you or took you out for ice cream when you were upset. “I’m sorry those kids were so mean. Come on, let’s go get a chocolate shake.” Maybe they unintentionally dismissed or denied your feelings in an attempt to calm you: “The shot at the doctor’s office will only hurt for a second. Then we’ll have pizza for lunch.” Or “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll do fine on the spelling bee; you always do. When you get home, I’ll bake your favorite cupcakes.”

      Perhaps they were skilled enough to inquire how you were feeling, but once you shared your feelings, they quickly attempted to distract you or to solve the problem. “I know you’re sad today about saying goodbye to Fluffy. Let’s go to the movies and take your mind off of it.” Or “I can understand your being upset that you weren’t picked for the team. Maybe there’s another sport you could try.” No doubt they loved and cared about you, but you were left with uncomfortable and confusing emotions, and without the skills for exploring and processing your inner world of feelings and worrisome thoughts, calming yourself down, and learning from these experiences.

      If your caregivers missed out on the right kind of emotional nurturance in their own infancy and childhood, they may have failed to learn critical self-and-other care skills somewhere along the way. Or challenging situations may have taxed their coping abilities: even the most loving caregivers can be overwhelmed by a death in the family, a needy or difficult relative coming to stay, caring for a family member suffering from a mental or physical illness, or a devastating relationship breakup.

      Emotional challenges and skill deficits resulting from unmet developmental needs often become more apparent after we address any physical imbalances that may contribute to overeating. Most overeaters have some body and brain imbalances, such as hormonal irregularities, food allergies, and brain-chemical deficiencies, that contribute to cravings and overeating. These imbalances may be caused by both genetic and lifestyle factors. The easy availability of nutrient-deficient, addictive processed foods, foods of animal origin, and caffeinated and alcoholic beverages also plays a role, for sure, in wayward cravings and imbalanced eating. Most of us are stressed out, sitting for too many hours and sleeping for too few. And our increased exposure to endocrine disruptors, including the toxic chemicals in plastics, perfumes, and pesticides that are ubiquitous in our environment, is wreaking havoc on our bodies and brains.

      Teasing Out the Pieces of the Overeating Puzzle

      Lenny, a thirty-four-year-old art director for a large advertising firm, approached me at the end of a seminar I was giving on emotional eating. Looking tense and exasperated, he said:

      I sure hope you can help me. I’m really frustrated. I’ve been bingeing ever since the holidays, and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m stuck in a pattern of avoiding the things I need to get done and doing everything other than what I need to do. I’m depressed, sleeping long hours, and most mornings I don’t want to get out of bed. I have a ton of clutter at home and at work, and I cannot get myself to start back exercising. I’m sure I eat emotionally, especially when I’m lonely. I’m single, I work long hours, and I don’t have much of a social life. Or much of a sex drive, for that matter. Truthfully, I’m disgusted with myself and my life, and I’m embarrassed sharing this. I just don’t know what to do. I can never stick to any eating plan, so I don’t want to go on another diet.

      When I suggested to Lenny that, in addition to emotional eating, he might be struggling with body and brain imbalances that were contributing to his overeating, he felt relieved.

       LENNY: So maybe it’s not all emotional? That’s a relief. You know, I love to eat, and I have little willpower to resist my favorite foods. And I’m kind of lazy and don’t like exercising that much. But it’s never been this bad before. I’m СКАЧАТЬ