The Cynic's Word Book. Амброз Бирс

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ Is open to all who grope in night,

       Crying for Wisdom's holy light.

       Whether the word is a verb or a noun

       Is knowledge beyond my reach.

       I only know that't is handed down

       From sage to sage,

       From age to age—

       An immortal part of speech!

       Of an ancient man the tale is told

       That he lived to be ten centuries old,

       In a cave on a mountain side.

       (True, he finally died.)

       The fame of his wisdom filled the land,

       For his head was bald and you 'll understand

       His beard was long and white

       And his eyes uncommonly bright.

       Philosophers gathered from far and near

       To sit at his feet and hear and hear,

       Though he never was heard

       To utter a word

       But "Abracadabra, abracadab,

       Abracada, abracad.

       Abraca, abrac, ahra, ab!"

       'T was all he had,

       'T was all they wanted to hear, for each

       Made copious notes of the mystical speech

       Which they published next—

       A trickle of text

       In a meadow of commentary.

       Mighty big books were these,

       In number, as leaves of trees;

       In learning, remarkable—very!

       He 's dead,

       As I said,

       And the books of the sages have perished,

       But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.

       In "Abracadabra" it solemnly rings, Like an ancient bell that forever swings. Oh, I love to hear That word make clear Humanity's General Sense of Things. Jamrach Holobom.

      ABRIDGE, v. t. To shorten.

      "When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."—Oliver Cromwell.

      ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannonshot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption."

      ABSCOND, v. i. To "move" in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

       Spring beckons! All things to the call respond;

       The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

       Phela Orm.

      ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilified; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

       To men a man is but a mind. Who cares

       What face he carries or what form he wears?

       But woman's body is the woman. Oh,

       Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go.

       But heed the warning words the sage hath said:

       A woman absent is a woman dead.

       Jogo Tyree.

      ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.

      ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereigns' power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.

      ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A Total Abstainer is one who abstains from everything, but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

       Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought

       You a total abstainer, my son."

       "So I am, so I am," said the scapegrace caught—

       "But not, sir, a bigoted one."

       G. J.

      ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

      ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

      ACADEMY, n. [from Academe]. A modern school where football is taught.

      ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

      ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.

      ACCORD, n. Harmony.

      ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

      ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

       "My accountability, bear in mind,"

       Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes."

       Said the Shah: "I do—'t is the only kind

       Of ability you possess."

      ACCUSE, v. t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

      ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by the Prince de Joinville.

      ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

      ACKNOWLEDGE, v. t. To confess. To acknowledge one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

      Joram Tate.

      ACQUAINTANCE, СКАЧАТЬ