The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

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СКАЧАТЬ GILDING (heard off). Ah! But we must see the Doctor.

      (Enter LADY GILDING.)

      COSENS. Lady Gilding.

      LADY GILDING. Doctor Cosens. (Shakes hands.) I didn’t know it was you who was attending the Professor. We only heard of his illness last night.

      COSENS. He is not precisely an invalid. He is able to be out.

      LADY GILDING. But not to work, I understand. Poor man!

      (Calling) George!

      (Enter SIR GEORGE GILDING and the DOWAGER LADY GILDING, who looks about twenty.)

      George, the Professor is suffering from — what did you say it was, Doctor Cosens?

      COSENS. Heamtontitus.

      DOWAGER. Fancy!

      SIR GEORGE. Ah — ah — a troublesome thing, I believe.

      LADY GILDING. You don’t know my husband, Doctor Cosens? George, Dr. Cosens; Mamma, Dr. Cosens; Dr. Cosens, Mamma.

      (They bow.)

      COSENS. Mamma! Wonderful!

      DOWAGER. You are surprised?

      COSENS. I assure you, ladies, that nothing has surprised me so much in the whole course of my professional experience.

      SIR GEORGE. It is not so surprising as it seems, Doctor — ah — Cosens — This lady is my father’s widow. He married a second time, late in life, and —

      DOWAGER (humorously). And they call me mamma to annoy me!

      (She sits, COSENS and SIR GEORGE go up stage talking.

      LADY GILDING sits on the sofa by DOWAGER.)

      LADY GILDING. Mamma!

      DOWAGER. Mildred, how hateful of you to call me by that hideous name.

      LADY GILDING. My dear, of what should a woman be prouder than to be called by the sacred name of mother?

      SIR GEORGE. Mildred, Miss Goodwillie is not in London.

      DOWAGER. Miss Goodwillie away!

      COSENS. Yes, she has been in Scotland for a month.

      LADY GILDING. Is she at Tullochmains?

      COSENS. Yes, yes. You know it?

      SIR GEORGE. My dear sir, I may say Tullochmains belongs to me. I am member for it.

      LADY GILDING. We are the Professor’s dearest friends.

      DOWAGER. We so admire him — and we flatter ourselves that he likes us a tiny bit also.

      SIR GEORGE. He will be extremely vexed if he misses us.

      (The professor is entering, when he sees them and retires hurriedly, effie appears also.)

      DOWAGER. Ah, Effie, we shall remain a little on the chance of the Professor’s returning soon.

      (EFFIE looks despairingly towards the PROFESSOR, who is evidently making signs to her to get rid of the visitors.)

      EFFIE. Then, my lady, will you please come to the drawingroom i COSENS. Is it worth while, Effie?

      (effie signs to him, pointing.)

      Yes, let us go to the drawingroom.

      (dowager sitting on sofa apparently crying.)

      LADY GILDING. We’ll follow you, George.

      (Exeunt cosens, sir george, and effie.)

      Why are you looking such a picture of woe?

      DOWAGER. Miss Goodwillie has been away a month.

      LADY GILDING. Nothing to cry about in that.

      DOWAGER. But the Professor has been alone. To think what I might have done with that man in a month.

      LADY GILDING. Not much.

      DOWAGER. I am not sure that he is not already rather fond of me.

      LADY GILDING. He runs away from you.

      DOWAGER. Perhaps that is his shy way of showing it.

      LADY GILDING. Do you really think that the man cares twopence about you?

      DOWAGER (who has a strong comic sense). Well, twopence is rather a large sum — still, don’t dash my hopes, Mildred. He has admitted to me that he feels more at ease with me than with other women. It’s a beginning. And my extraordinary charm ought to do the rest.

      LADY GILDING. Well, heaven knows George and I would be glad enough to see you comfortably settled again.

      DOWAGER. And well I know why.

      LADY GILDING. It’s because your frivolity is painful to us. We want you to have a sphere of usefulness. Every woman should have a sphere.

      DOWAGER. Fiddlesticks! It is because George’s father left it in his will that if I married again, my paltry five hundred a year was to go to George.

      LADY GILDING. No, mamma, as if such a worldly thought had ever entered our heads!

      DOWAGER. Mildred, a little less of the ‘mamma,’ if you please. Let us rejoin darling George.

      (Exeunt DOWAGER and LADY GILDING. The PROFESSOR enters cautiously.)

      PROFESSOR. Are they gone, Effie? The side door?

      EFFIE. They did not take the hint to go, so you’ll need to speak to them in the drawingroom.

      PROFESSOR. I won’t.

      EFFIE. You must.

      PROFESSOR. I will not. The side door, Effie!

      EFFIE (takes off his hat). Oh, you promised to get your hair cut.

      PROFESSOR. So I have, Effie, so I have. (Feeling.) Bless my soul, I thought I had. (Removes pen from ear suddenly.) The man must have forgotten. Careless, careless!

      EFFIE. Did you remember to take your pill?

      (Takes up pill-hox — counts pills, is horrified, and exits with pill-box. The PROFESSOR left alone sets to work, rises, sees dressing-gown, puts it on instead of coat, sits.

      DOWAGER peeps in.)

      DOWAGER. Professor!

      PROFESSOR (without looking up). Have you got rid of them, Effie?

      DOWAGER (giggles, retires, and returns noisily). Ah, Professor!

      PROFESSOR. СКАЧАТЬ