The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ Puts pen behind ear, takes pill, takes up inky water, is surprised, sees another goblet, fills it with water, goes on writing without drinking. Leaves off. Rings bell. Takes up fresh pen. EFFIE enters.)

      PROFESSOR. Well, well, what is it? What do you want?

      EFFIE. You rang, sir?

      PROFESSOR (absently). Did I? What for? (Pause.) Perhaps I rang for my boots, Effie?

      EFFIE. You have them on.

      PROFESSOR. Have I? (Lifting up left foot.) Bless me, so I have.

      EFFIE. Was it for Miss White?

      PROFESSOR (always unconsciously happy at mention of her name). Ah, that’s it. Surely she is very late this morning.

      EFFIE. She has been here, but she went to the telegraph office.

      PROFESSOR (gloomily). Oh!

      (Pause.)

      EFFIE. Is there anything else you want, sir?

      PROFESSOR. HOW can I get on with my work, Effie, if you will stand there chattering all day? Go away — go away!

      (EFFIE goes quickly. The PROFESSOR writes. Clock on mantelpiece begins to strike ten, and the PROFESSOR, writing with his right hand, waves it to be silent with his left.)

      Hush! Silence! Quiet there! (Listens to last stroke.)

      Come in, come in! (Calling) Effie!

      (EFFIE enters.)

      EFFIE. What is it now?

      PROFESSOR. I think I heard Miss White knocking.

      EFFIE. No, sir. (Seeing clock.) It was just your clock striking. Miss White’s at the telegraph office.

      PROFESSOR. Still at the telegraph office.

      (EFFIE goes. He goes on writing. Short knock. He starts to his feet and shakes his fist at the clock, calling:) Effie!

      (EFFIE enters.)

      Stop that clock!

      EFFIE. Eh! It was a knock this time.

      (Knock.)

      PROFESSOR. Ah! But that’s not Miss White’s knock.

      EFFIE (aside). I canna remember your ever knowing anybody’s knock before. (Goes to window.) I can just see a gentleman’s back. It looks to me like the back of one of those folks you call literary aspirants. What come wi’ an introduction and read their manuscripts to you.

      PROFESSOR (excitedly). Don’t let him in.

      (Knock.)

      EFFIE. He seems determined to get in.

      PROFESSOR. Keep the door on the chain. Say I’m out.

      EFFIE. Tell a lie, na, I couldna. But I’ll do that if you’ll go out at the side door and stand on the steps.

      PROFESSOR. Very well.

      (She goes to get his hat, cane and coat and returns immediately with them.)

      PROFESSOR. It would look rather undignified, but I know what I’ll do. I’ll go out and do what my sister told me to do, in her last letter. (Rises and unfastens dressing-gown.)

      EFFIE. What was that? (Having put coat and stick on sofa.)

      PROFESSOR. Well, now, what was it? (Taking hat which EFFIE is holding towards him.) It was either to complain about the butcher’s bill or to order a new suit of clothes. (Puts on hat and is going.)

      EFFIE (bringing him back). You’ve got your gown on.

      PROFESSOR (smiling). Oh yes, very wrong, very wrong. Take it off.

      (She puts it on sofa and is getting him into coat, etc.)

      Ah, that’s better, that’s better! (Patting her on the shoulder.)

      Good girl, good girl, how thoughtful of you.

      (Puts on coat, is going towards his armchair. He is going to write, EFFIE stops him and points to his hat.)

      Oh yes, of course, going out, going out.

      EFFIE. Well, what was it your sister told you to do?

      PROFESSOR. Eh? Oh, where’s her letter? (Searches pockets, hat, etc., to find his watch in trousers’ pocket.) So there you are! I have been looking for you. (Finds letter in pocket.)

      Ah, here it is, now we shall see. ‘Always change your flannels on Wednesdays and Sundays.’ Yes, I’ve done that. ‘Never carry cheques or bank-notes loose in your trousers’ pocket.’ (The PROFESSOR looks at EFFIE, puts his right hand into pocket, draws out bank-note, shakes his head at EFFIE, muttering.)

      Very wrong, I mustn’t do that, I mustn’t do that.

      (Changes bank-note from right to left hand, goes on reading letter, absent-mindedly putting note into left trousers’ pocket. A knock is heard.)

      Ah, here it is, here it is: ‘Get your hair cut at once, for if it is not cut by the time I next see you, I’ll put a bowl on your head and cut it myself.’ Effie, I think I’d better slip out by the side door and get my hair cut.

      (He leaves on tiptoe, EFFIE puts gown on chair, COSENS enters.)

      COSENS. I thought they were never going to let me in.

      EFFIE. I didna know it was you, Doctor, and the Professor’s gone out.

      COSENS. It is Miss White I want to see. (Gives EFFIE his umbrella.)

      EFFIE. She’s at the telegraph office. (Taking umbrella to hatrack in hallway.)

      COSENS. No, I looked in there for her. I shall wait —

      EFFIE (from hatrack in hall). Is it raining, sir?

      COSENS. A little.

      EFFIE. Then the Professor will get wet. (Goes to window.) I see him. Of all the absent-minded men, if he isn’t holding up his stick and thinking it is an umbrella! Well, I never, he’s gone past the hairdresser’s. Oh!

      COSENS. What?

      EFFIE. He’s gone into the telegraph office.

      (Light knock.)

      COSENS. If that is Miss White, send her here.

      EFFIE. It’s no Miss White, but it sounds like a lady’s knock, and it’s no safe to let ladies into this house. (Going to door.)

      COSENS. Why?

      EFFIE. The Professor is so absent-minded.

      (EFFIE goes, COSENS, left alone, puzzles, looks at wastepaper СКАЧАТЬ