The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

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      Act II.

       Table of Contents

      SCENE. — Golf green near the school. River at back. BAB, a prisoner, is walking up and down in CADDIE’s charge.

      SONG. — CADDIE.

       A pageboy am I

       That young ladies decry,

       Yes, yes, dears, you do, for I hear yer;

       But it’s little you know

       The volcanoes that glow

       Inside of this little exterior.

       Oh, you wouldn’t deride,

       Could you step inside

       Of this here pocket edition,

       And, striking a light,

       Perceive that this mite

       Is on fire with a grand ambition.

      BAB. But at present the buttons he’s wearing,

       And he’s taking me out for an airing.

       (Walks up and down.)

      CADDIE. My wife I shall choose

       From the class called the Blues,

       Whose theory is that they hates men,

       Of birthplaces galore

       I mean to have more

       Than him wot’s the eminent statesman.

       A peerage I’ll take

       For my progeny’s sake,

       To refuse it I think would be shabby,

       And I ask poor and rich

       To my funeral, which

       Will be held in Westminster Abbey.

       Oh, you wouldn’t deride, etc. Cries of “Fore! Fore!”

      BAB. The girls are playing golf. (She holds up flag.)

      CADDIE. Girls! Poor summer flies!

      BAB. Do let me play, Caddie.

      CADDIE. It’s agin the Missus’ orders. I’m your jailer, I am, and Miss Sims’s words were: “Give the wench a little exercise, but never leave her for a moment, or she will be eloping again; and if she does,” said she, “you just pull the big fire bell.”

      BAB. But why not let me elope, Caddie? See, I go on my knees to you. (Kneels.)

      CADDIE. Get up! Get up!

      BAB (rising). Cold, relentless! You have never loved!

      CADDIE. Have I not? By gum!

      BAB. You in love. With whom?

      CADDIE (sadly). It’s all over for ever, no more.

      BAB. She jilted you?

      CADDIE. Well, it came to the same thing, I jilted her.

      BAB. Why?

      CADDIE. I wanted a bigger one.

      BAB. And have you got a bigger one?

      CADDIE. I have.

      BAB. Whom?

      CADDIE (pointing off stage). You see that agreeable circumference coming this way?

      BAB. Yes.

      CADDIE. Well, that’s my new one.

      BAB. Jane Annie!

      BAB goes sadly up stage. A golf ball lands on green, CADDIE pockets it. Enter JANE ANNIE with golf club. She looks for her ball. CADDIE looks longingly at her and sighs aloud.

      CADDIE. My charmer!

      JANE A. Caddie, did you see my ball?

      CADDIE. No, Miss, no balls have come this way.

      JANE A. It is a strange thing that when you are acting as caddie nearly all our balls get lost.

      CADDIE. Yes, Miss.