Bonds of Love. Sarah K

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ control, of being able to take my time and set the agenda, of having someone surrender totally to me. Anyway, despite it figuring in a lot of my fantasies, I also came to the conclusion that I probably shouldn’t mention it to anyone in case I got arrested.’

      I couldn’t help but laugh. Alex was right; suggest this and most women would run a mile, but I’m not most women, nor am I alone in what I feel or how I enjoy my sexual encounters. I genuinely love and enjoy what Alex was describing as long as what is done is consensual and shared with someone I like and respect and above all feel safe with and trust. Alex, meanwhile, was still speaking.

      ‘Four years ago I split up with Lucy and I met a woman on a vanilla dating site who was into bondage. I didn’t know that when we first met. In fact, I’m not even sure now how we got onto the subject – I think maybe we’d both had a glass or two of wine and both of us had been itching to try it and to find someone who wasn’t shocked. Anyway, we did talk about it and after that we played a little bit. She liked me to tie her to the bed, and that was about all, to be honest, but from the very first moment I realised just how much it excited me. It felt so right. We talked a lot and went looking at all sorts of websites together. The biggest relief and realisation was that I wasn’t alone in liking that kind of thing and that there were women out there, like her and you, who wanted to play too. It was something I knew I wanted to explore further.’

      ‘So what happened?’

      ‘I hadn’t long split up with my wife and at that point neither of us were looking for anything serious. We saw each other for a few months but gradually drifted apart. And then I dated on and off, went on some vanilla sites and very gently broached it with other women. Some were keen, some weren’t – and I slowly realised that actually it was something I wanted to be able to share and talk openly about with my partner, not pussyfoot around, worried that they’d call the police or run a mile.’

      ‘Which is why we’re here,’ I said.

      He nodded.

      ‘So you were on the site for quite a while?’

      ‘Yes, although you were the first person I ever rang on the BDSM website. I emailed a couple of others and, as you were taken,’ he said with a grin, ‘I met a few of them, but they weren’t right and frankly I’d rather be on my own than in the wrong relationship.’

      ‘Me too. So have you been on your own since we last spoke?’

      ‘On and off. I’ve had a few dates, but nothing that was going anywhere.’

      ‘And is that what you’re looking for? Something that is going somewhere?’

      Alex nodded. ‘In an ideal world, but I’m in no hurry, so –’ he smiled, ‘no pressure.’

      Being with someone new and possibly even greener than me wasn’t something I had factored into my search for a Dom. I’d liked Max initially because it felt like he knew what he was doing. As if reading my mind, Alex said: ‘I’ve just never been with someone who I’ve known is submissive right from the start.’

      I raised my eyebrows. ‘You do understand that being a submissive doesn’t mean that I’m either stupid or a doormat, don’t you?’

      ‘I never assumed that for a moment,’ he said, holding his hands – and ice cream – up.

      ‘Good,’ I said. ‘Most of the subs I’ve met are really strong women. They’re just looking for a stronger man, someone who can understand them. Someone who can handle them.’

      ‘In both senses of the word?’

      ‘In an ideal world,’ I said, echoing his comment of a few moments earlier.

      It was tricky talking hard-core sex with a man who had a sprinkle of hundreds and thousands on his nose. I reached out to wipe them off and he smiled as I touched him.

      ‘I’m really glad you decided to come today,’ he said. ‘I was disappointed when I rang before and you said you’d met someone. I felt like I’d been cheated out of something special.’

      It was an odd thing to say; not creepy or stalker-like, just unsettling. And there was a moment then when we were so close that I thought Alex might kiss me – which was also odd because in BDSM, despite the intimate relationship between a Dom and their sub, often they don’t kiss. Max had told me that kissing was for lovers, not Masters and their sex slaves. But I realised as Alex and I moved apart and the moment passed that I had wanted him to kiss me.

      ‘It’s a real shame we don’t know each other better,’ Alex said, taking my arm as he helped me down over the harbour wall. ‘I’m going to a wedding in Whitby at the end of next week. Old family friends. I was going to make it a three-day trip. You could have come with me. I’ve booked into a really nice hotel.’

      I looked at him and laughed. Outrageous! ‘You think I’m going to be swayed by the promise of a couple of nights in a half-decent hotel?’

      ‘You never know your luck,’ Alex said with a shrug.

      ‘You’re really not backwards in coming forwards, are you?’

      Alex smiled, eyes bright with mischief. ‘It’s not something I’ve ever been accused of, no. How about you? How forward are you?’ he teased.

      ‘I’m not,’ I said primly, realising that I sounded more like a schoolmistress than a submissive.

      ‘Okay, not a problem,’ he said. ‘Maybe next time. The friend whose daughter is getting married has got six kids. I’m sure this won’t be the last time I get an invite to see one of them get married. And it’s a lovely part of the world. Have you ever been?’

      I shook my head.

      ‘Amazing countryside, and Whitby is a real little gem.’

      By now we had wandered way down past the boats and onto the beach where only the hardiest were walking in the cutting wind. I glanced across at Alex, wrapped up in a Barbour jacket, scarf tucked in, his head down, and smiled. He was lovely and, mad as this may sound, that set every alarm bell in my head ringing. What exactly was I thinking? Lovely? Hadn’t I said I’d take my time, not get involved, treat this as a trial run? Lovely? It was total madness.

      What were the chances of walking out of one relationship straight into another one that was right? Next to zero, I’d have said. If I had drawn up a wish list of what I wanted in a man I suspect Alex would have ticked practically every box, and that was my dilemma. I didn’t believe what I was feeling and I didn’t trust myself or my instincts. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been out with anyone for so long.

      The problem I was having was that the chemistry thing, which is usually so elusive and so very hard to find with someone, was there, so tangible that you’d have to have been dead not to feel it. I fancied Alex, and I knew damn well that he fancied me, and the fact was it terrified me.

      What if this was a rebound thing or just lust? Was it that Max had created a need in me – like a drug habit – that longed to be fed? There was a good chance that this man could fulfil that need; was that what made me think I fancied him? I didn’t trust my instincts. Alex was lovely and there was a part of me – the mad, reckless part – that thought actually a few days in Whitby with him sounded like huge fun. But that wasn’t what I said. Instead I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jacket and tucked my head down to avoid СКАЧАТЬ