Fern Britton Short Story Collection: The Stolen Weekend, A Cornish Carol, The Beach Cabin. Fern Britton

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СКАЧАТЬ at the blue fascia of her iPhone 5 as it flashed insistently at her in the darkness of the bedroom. The usually jaunty, old-fashioned ringtone was the last thing she wanted to hear at six in the morning. This morning in particular. Who the hell was ringing her at this ungodly hour?

      Penny sat bolt upright in bed as she saw the caller’s name appear.

      ‘Audrey bloody Tipton!!’ Penny angrily pressed the silent button and shoved the vibrating phone back under her pillow.

      ‘What is that woman pestering me for now?’ Penny turned over in the bed, directing the question to where her husband Simon ought to be, but was surprised to see that his side of the bed was empty. The Right Reverend Simon Canter, vicar of Pendruggan, was normally an early riser, as members of the clergy tended to be, but she hadn’t anticipated that he would have got up at this unearthly hour. After all, it was a Tuesday, no early services today, and last night they’d both got to bed late. Penny was the sole owner of Penny Leighton Productions, a successful TV production company that had a string of prime-time successes under its belt. Her latest hit was a TV show called Mr Tibbs, based on the mystery stories of Mavis Carew. The series was filmed in and around Pendruggan, a small, unspoilt Cornish village that Penny had discovered when her best friend Helen Merrifield decided to make a fresh start there after divorcing her philandering husband. Penny had come for a visit and ended up finding not only the perfect location for Mr Tibbs but the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Though she would never have imagined herself as a vicar’s wife, she’d never been happier. Her loving and gentle husband with his chocolate-brown eyes and soft-spoken voice had brought out the best in Penny and she had no regrets about upping sticks to move to Cornwall. Or at least, not until this morning.

      Knowing that Simon was up and about, Penny found it impossible to settle back to sleep. She swung her legs out of the bed and reached for her satin dressing gown, which was hanging on a peg nearby. Then she went to the window and pulled open the heavy curtains, which kept out even the most persistent sunshine.

      It was April and the sky was still tinged with the night, but the purple and pink fingertips of dawn were already starting to snake their way across the horizon.

      ‘Mmm. Red sky in the morning,’ Penny observed. ‘Looks like bad weather. Again.’

      She trudged down the stairs to find that the house was in total darkness, except for Simon’s study, where a gentle light emanated from under the doorway.

      Penny knocked softly and popped her head around the door.

      ‘Morning, Vicar.’

      Simon’s head was head was buried in what appeared to be the parish appointments diary. Penny could tell from the way his fingertips were pressed against his furrowed brow that he was feeling harassed.

      ‘Oh, good morning, darling.’ He looked up from his desk, blinking at her through his glasses. ‘Sorry, did I wake you?’

      ‘I’m not sure it is quite morning yet,’ Penny replied. ‘And no, it wasn’t you who woke me, it was a phone call from that busybody, Audrey Tipton.’

      ‘Really, what did she want?’

      ‘Dunno – I cut her off.’ Penny looked down at her iPhone. ‘But it looks as though she left me a message.’

      ‘You should be having a lie-in. You look done in.’

      ‘I feel done in. The last few weeks have been really gruelling. I’m so exhausted, I couldn’t even enjoy the wrap party.’

      ‘I’m sorry you had to go alone, darling, but there was so much to do here,’ he sighed guiltily.

      Penny walked over to her husband and gave his balding head a kiss. ‘Oh, stuff that. You didn’t miss anything: it was only the usual shenanigans. The lead actors all lording it over each other and getting pissed while the runners and researchers snogged one another.’ She peered at the papers spread over his desk. ‘What’s the problem? Is there anything I can do to help?’

      Simon put down his pen, took off his glasses and ran a hand anxiously over his shining scalp. ‘It’s this whole business with the new vicar at St Peter’s.’

      The church of St Peter’s was in Trevay, the nearest town and a thriving seaside resort. It had been without its own vicar for months and Simon had been asked by the bishop to help out with services until a suitable candidate was found to fill the post. As if it wasn’t enough having two congregations to minister to, Simon was also expected to supervise the builders carrying out restorations to St Peter’s bell tower. As a result, the last few weeks had been as gruelling for him as they had for Penny. They’d barely had a moment to themselves and were both exhausted.

      ‘The verger at St Peter’s Church has been taken ill,’ Simon told her. ‘He’s been a godsend, helping me out with the services and keeping things ticking over. Without him, I just don’t know how I’m going to cope. We’ve got two funerals scheduled tomorrow morning – one here and one in Trevay – at the same time, so I’m going to have to phone around and find someone to officiate.’ He looked up at her despairingly. ‘And it doesn’t end there. Until the verger recovers, I’ll have to cut evensong down here so that I can dash over to Trevay to take the six p.m. service, and then there’s—’

      Penny laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. ‘Have you told the bishop? Surely he can sort something out?’

      ‘I called the diocese secretary yesterday, but the bishop is on a retreat until next week. I probably won’t see him until he shows up to bless the new bell tower. There’s so much to organise, but I already feel as if I’ve been pulled in half – there’s only so much of me to go round.’ Simon’s pinched face was etched with worry. Penny’s heart went out to her beleaguered husband.

      ‘Oh, Simon. Poor you. Have you even had a cup of tea yet?’

      He shook his head.

      ‘Well,’ said Penny, giving Simon an encouraging smile, ‘ecclesiastical matters may not be my forte, but I do know how to boil a kettle.’

      Later that morning, at a more civilised hour, Penny knelt on the sofa in the cosy sitting room at the vicarage. From this vantage point, she was able to see the last of the trucks loading up the dismantled sets of the Mr Tibbs shoot. The set was a painstaking reconstruction of Fifties village life, strategically placed in front of a terrace of Sixties council houses whose occupants were well compensated for the inconvenience. All in all, everyone was happy: the TV crew did their utmost to keep disruption to a minimum; the actors mingled cordially with the residents; locals and visitors alike came to watch the location shoots and the popularity of the series had given tourism in the area a much-needed boost. There was little conflict, but the occasional voice of dissent could sometimes be heard.

      It was usually the same voice.

      Penny held the phone away from her ear as Audrey gave vent to her feelings.

      ‘The success of your programme owes everything to the co-operation of we, the villagers! Without us, Mr Tibbs would be a complete failure, Mrs Canter!’

      Penny took a deep breath. She’d already been listening to Audrey for ten minutes. Apparently, the woman’s neurotic, smelly and aged cocker spaniels had been disturbed by the crew dismantling the set early this morning, hence the dawn phone call.

      ‘Yes, Audrey, we do everything we can to avoid disturbing anyone, СКАЧАТЬ