First-Time Parent: The honest guide to coping brilliantly and staying sane in your baby’s first year. Lucy Atkins

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СКАЧАТЬ the birth you will usually stay put in your delivery suite for a couple of hours. If you tore or had an episiotomy, the midwife or doctor will stitch you up; she’ll also weigh your baby, and put two identity tags on each of her ankles. You should be offered the chance to pee, have a shower or wash. It’s absolutely fine to have a bath at any point after giving birth, but don’t make it too hot or you might faint–largely through exhaustion. Finally, after a couple of hours, when the midwife has done the paperwork, you have decided to name your baby after her and you are really, completely sure you’ve counted all those fingers and toes, you will be trundled on to the ward, usually in a wheelchair. You may be allowed to carry your baby in your arms as you go, or it may be the hospital’s policy to wheel your baby next to you in a Perspex cot (a see-through plastic box on trolley wheels that looks a bit like a prop in a 1960s B-movie). If the hospital insists on moving your baby in the cot and not in your arms, it is a health and safety thing: some units don’t want to be put in a tricky position by exhausted mummies dropping babies en route to the ward.

      If you had a Caesarean, you will be taken from the operating theatre into a recovery room or observation area. How long you stay in recovery varies from hospital to hospital. In some, you stay there for twelve to twenty-four hours; in others, you’ll only be there for a couple of hours before being taken to the ward. But you’ll be very closely monitored wherever you are for the first twenty-four hours after a surgical birth, and you’ll need regular doses of pain relief.

      Vitamin K

      This makes our blood clot properly. On rare occasions, a newborn doesn’t have enough and may bleed dangerously (known as ‘vitamin K deficiency bleeding’). Most newborns now are given vitamin K by injection when they are first born, but you can give it orally in two doses when she’s a few days old. Some studies in the 1990s raised worries about a link between injected vitamin K and childhood cancer, but the current scientific consensus is that there is no evidence to support these worries and that injected vitamin K is safe. Ideally this is something you should think about before the birth–talk to your midwife.

      ‘Recovery’

      After the midwife or doctor has made sure you and the baby are doing well, they’ll leave you all together for a bit–possibly in a ‘recovery room’–so that you can get to know one another, before moving you to the ward where a Perspex cot will be put next to your bed. It can be unsettling and even strangely lonely to find that you–and you alone–are suddenly in charge of your tiny newborn. Midwives may be too busy to answer questions like ‘Am I holding her right?’.

      Most new mothers, when they talk about the midwives they had for the birth, are overcome with gratitude and admiration. Midwives in general do a superlative job. But they are not superhuman. On the maternity ward the midwives are likely to be extremely over-stretched. ‘There was one midwife for ten women on the ward,’ says Heather. ‘I had had a C-section and couldn’t pick Ellie up to cuddle or feed her. At one point she was crying next to me for 40 minutes and the midwife couldn’t help me pick her up because she was having to deal with other requests. This was awful–I eventually just burst into tears myself.’ You may have to be very assertive to get attention and you will certainly have to wait unless it’s an emergency. It’s a good idea to call the midwife early if you have any inkling that you are going to need something (for instance, if you need help to go to the loo or are going to need painkillers soon).

      If it is night-time, fathers are then sent home–no dads are allowed on the ward at night. This is why you want your partner there as much as possible during the day. ‘I wasn’t prepared for the first hours alone with the baby,’ says Sara, mother of Tom, nine months. ‘He was born in the early hours of the morning, and my partner and mum didn’t pitch up again at hospital until the afternoon, which really upset me. I’d say company and support on day one is of paramount importance.’ You may be discharged as little as six hours after an uncomplicated birth, but most of us leave hospital about twenty-four hours after giving birth vaginally and three to five days after a Caesarean. If there are any complications, you may have to stay longer.

      YOU MIGHT WANT TO:

       Bring earplugs. Wards are noisy, and you can use them when your partner has the baby to get some uninterrupted sleep.

       Ask for what you need, no matter how frantic, brusque or irritated the midwives seem.

       Investigate the possibility of a single room: it costs anything from £30-£500 depending on your hospital, but having one means you get peace and quiet–and your partner can stay too.

       Prepare yourself to be really assertive when you need help from the midwife–at the very least with establishing feeding or if you think something may be wrong.

       Work out in advance who will visit you in hospital. You may not feel like greeting six of your work colleagues after a forty-eight-hour labour when you are attempting your first nappy change.

      Dads, meanwhile, are left in an elated, buzzing state of limbo–and probably exhaustion. The really key thing to do, if you possibly can, is wind down a bit.

      Dads: what else should you be doing?

      When you are sent home, once you have stopped sobbing you could:

       Email family and friends: have a ‘group’ set up, and just fire off the baby-arrival message.

       Sleep–it’s your one chance. There will be little of it when your baby gets home.

       Tidy up, so your partner does not come back to a bomb site.

       Fit the baby seat in the car and understand how to clip it in and out and buckle it up efficiently.

       Go to the shops: get basic supplies for home like bread and milk, and also the biggest bunch of blooms you can get your hands on (take to the hospital!) Hospital food is gruesome so take her some food too–a few treats, healthy snacks and even simple meals (fibre-rich foods like dried or soft fruit is good).

       Zoom back to the hospital–don’t leave her alone with the baby for longer than absolutely necessary.

      ‘And, most importantly, tell her–repeatedly and grovellingly- how proud you are of what she’s just done.’

      Back in the hospital, don’t be afraid to take photos and video footage–these will be precious one day. And, most importantly, tell her–repeatedly and grovellingly–how proud you are of what she’s just done. Whatever happened in that labour room–a planned Caesarean, drugs, tongs, suction devices, ten hours of her yelling abuse and battering you–at this point she needs to know you think she’s amazing and that you love her more than ever before. Make this your fallback position for the coming months.

      Special care

      The best place to get more information and support on SCBU is the charity BLISS–see Contacts for details.

      If your baby needs to go to the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU), perhaps because she is born early, is ill or has some health problem, it can be scary and upsetting to say the least. One in ten babies need special care at birth, and the vast majority are fine (forty per cent of twins and over ninety-seven per cent of triplets spend some time in special care). Many of these babies need to be in an incubator and СКАЧАТЬ