Sex & Intimacy 101. K. A. Bareki

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СКАЧАТЬ man and engaging him sexually. His wife on the contrary just lies there like the log of a dead oak tree. You just try admiring your guy for giving it to you the way he should and he will love you for that. Men generally view respect and praise as love. And I think Paul must be appreciated for noting that ‘‘ husbands ought to love their own wives ...’’,(Ephesians 5:28). I have sat with many couples who were going through emotional unrest and the problem was in most cases that the man no longer showed love to his lady. Women a great deal of the time demand to be loved and men demand to be revered and respected. Paul suggested, ‘‘So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself ’’,(Ephesians 5:28). To cheat your wife is to her a lack of love for her. But men say that a woman who cheats on them not only lacks love but lacks respect. A woman will get hurt by a man who criticizes the way she looks, but a man gets hurt when you tell him that his penis is smaller hence not pleasant enough or that he drives worse than his son drives his toys. That just wrecks a man’s life if not his entire self-esteem, which seems to be rooted in his penis. Men fantasize about sex more than the average woman thinks. It is almost obvious that this book will end in the hands of more men than women. Why?:—Because men love sex and sexing, and not even Christianity is going to alter that. Women no doubt want love from men but men want respect or submission and most of all sex. Paul says ‘‘ the wife see that she respects her husband’’,(Ephesians 5:33). But this respect lesson for women is not as new as Paul the apostle. It is as old as Sarah because she often called her husband Abraham my ‘‘lord’’ (1 Peter 3:6).Why aren’t women of today wise enough to ‘‘fool’’ their men by lavishing them with respect and sex?

      Now, women heal their hurts by talking (so-called venting out), by crying and doing all sorts of emotional things. While writing this book, I was called by a couple in conflict. They wanted advice on what to do about their unending brawls. The woman felt that the man’s love for her fell short and she cried:—How typical of women... The man sat there, looking distant, unfazed and wore the serious look of a bulldog while he expressed how this woman would not respect him and sometimes returned to her ex-lover despite their relationship’s existence. The woman cried, the man was just angry ( Perhaps too angry to cry). Men become angry and know very little about grieving, shedding tears and being sad the feminine way. That’s why men easily commit suicide compared to women. There is that aggression in men which if not guided is catastrophic. It has nothing to do with abuse but with nature. Concerning health issues, a doctor was addressing a certain men’s sector meeting in which I was present and did enquire as to why men do not seem to take medical issues seriously to the point of neglecting health checks. He pointed out how shocking it is to consider that women can hardly see their private parts well since the vagina is exactly down there (underneath, so to speak). But compared to men, women take care of their private parts well. Men on the other hand are fortunate to have private organs that protrude and can be well seen and inspected, yet men easily die of prostate cancer when they can so easily inspect their sexual organs and report to the hospital in due season. Instead of going to the clinic for medical attention, a typical man would rather ask his friend at the bar what to do with his itchy penis. To which his drunken friend might prescribe an ointment. But how do you get prescription from a drunk man?

      When a man goes to clinic to see a doctor, he has probably received prescriptions from the bar, football pitch,golf course and all kinds of male hangouts. The fact that he is in a queue at the hospital probably means that if his penis was itchy, this time it is ‘‘rotten ’’, extremely painful or so loose that its about to fall off. When a man gets to clinic, he refuses to say the problem to a male doctor who by the way should be well able to understand him. If you are doctor, you probably can relate to this. A guy walks into to the consultancy room. He claims he doesn’t know the problem but claims there is a problem. You start doing vital signs and expect to find the problem yourself coz he won’t open up to a man like him. To your shock, his ass is wounded. He has probably had gay sex, is bleeding and torn. You ask him how his ass ended up like that and he says he doesn’t know and just ‘‘found’’ it like that. Probably there is never a time you feel annoyed about a patient’s denial like this moment. Men are not just shy about such matters but even being sick of anything ranging from such innocent issues as flu to issues as bad as defaulting on STI treatment. A woman when she is afraid can dare walk in to a pharmacy crying and says ‘‘yesterday I had unprotected sex with a stranger, do you guys have any pills to help me block the virus, I am scared’’. That ability to open up has saved a lot of women.

      So this doctor friend I mentioned earlier on was wondering why men would rather die than act promptly about sickness. Why won’t they be open to someone with a penis like them? I must admit that as he asked, I felt that men were just being silly; to me there was simply no excuse for such risky behavior. But an old man seated unnoticeably at the back of the crowd which the doctor was facilitating lifted his hand, was allowed to speak and said, ‘‘we were taught not to be afraid and that real man don’t cry or fall sick. I remember as a little boy, I hurt myself and had a painful wound. Grandma told me not to cry or go to clinic. She told me to rub cattle dung on it, walk tall and that a man must never show signs of weakness. ’’

      True, part of us was taught to not show ‘‘weakness’’ by society and today men die more than women because they visit the clinic less and live on that take-it-easy mode. The other part is ego and the nature of man. ‘‘Men don’t usually talk about private matters (especially when the matter pertains to anything hanging between their legs), but feeling a twinge of pain from time to time in the scrotum is quite common’’ observes Ruth K. Westheimer author of Sex For Dummies .So when your man refuses to go the clinic remember his upbringing and encourage him gently. A part of how we react emotionally was inculcated into us by society. Now, I am a man who cries and asks for help. Chances that I could commit suicide remain less because I confide in friends, family and God. I still cave in when I have problems just like any other man, but when I feel I won’t get an answer from lengthy introspection and thought, I consult other people. This is my strength. Emotionally women are considered weak. They burst out crying and all. The bible even calls them the ‘‘weaker sex’’ But that weakness is great strength in disguise. ‘‘For when I am weak, then I am strong’’, (2 Corinthians 12:10). Men are strong but they are also weak. Women look weak but they are strong. Women don’t kill themselves over betrayals like men do. Women can forgive a cheating spouse but for a man to forgive seems hard especially when the betrayal involves sex.

      Women shouldn’t think that makes them extremely superior to men, because women worry a lot about petty issues, a thing which might be mentally unhealthy. No wonder Adrianna Mendrek, a researcher at the Institut Universitaire En Santé Mentale de Montréal, in a recent press release observes that “Greater emotional reactivity in women may explain many things, such as their being twice as likely to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders to men.” According to Stéphane Potvin, associate professor at the University of Montreal’s Department of Psychiatry. “It is possible that women tend to focus more on the feelings generated by these stimuli, when men remain somewhat ‘passive’ toward negative emotions, trying to analyze the stimuli and their impact.”

      Analytic? That sounds intelligent on the side of men, right? I am not against analyzing or intelligence. My advice to men is that ‘‘I know you like analyzing, being logical and stuff. But if you feel a penis ache, sore arms or head ache, avoid trying to analyze, just call the doctor, and you will live long.’’ Today we have a lot of widows because men die early. How many widowers do we have? How many of our men can live as long as President Robert Mugabe. Well, think about it. Many may not like the President of Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe for his tough stance on many views, but I believe he is a happy man who takes health precautions and Jokes or laughs a lot. Recently word has been doing rounds that Mr Mogabe once said, ‘‘If you are ugly, you’re ugly, stop talking about inner beauty СКАЧАТЬ