Break-Up Club: A smart, funny novel about love and friendship. Lorelei Mathias

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СКАЧАТЬ the first song we ever kissed to!’

      ‘Weird. What was it?’ Holly asked.

      ‘Oh God. This really old track from the eighties, by Simple Minds, called “Don’t you forget about me”.’

      ‘Oh I love that track!’ Bella said, bursting into song, prompting stares from people nearby.

      ‘But it’s such an old track! That’s why it weirded me out so much that some random lorry driver was singing it, at that exact moment.’

      ‘Do you think it’s a sign’ Bella said, ‘that you shouldn’t forget him just yet?’

      ‘Is it fuck,’ Olivia said, taking a sip of her drink.

      Bella laughed. ‘I so know what you mean with the reminders though, Liv. Every other day, there’s something else to remind me of an in-joke with Sam.’

      ‘But you know, it’s easy to go too far with that stuff. You know, drag it out beyond the point of silly,’ Holly said. ‘For instance, do you remember Lucy, our flatmate from uni, when she broke up with Rob?’ she broke off as Olivia nodded in recognition. ‘He dumped her on graduation day, the poor lamb. While the rest of us posed for photos in our gowns, Lucy was hiding in a ditch behind the university library, weeping into her mortar board, slowly dismantling the visions in her head that she’d had of them going travelling, of moving to London, living out their careers together. From her ditch, she had sat and watched as her dreams scattered into the air with all the mortar-boards. Well, that’s how she put it to us after three gins later that day, anyway.’

      Bella’s eyes began to well with empathy for this poor girl she’d never met. ‘Wow that’s a ceremonious stinker of a dumping!’

      ‘Exactly,’ Olivia said, ‘see, at least Sam didn’t do that to you!’

      Holly nodded. ‘But yeah – my point is, it was so terrible a dumping that even for weeks after it happened, we’d be like, “Do you want a cup of tea Lucy?” and she’d be all, “Oh, Rob used to make me cups of tea…” and start bawling again.’

      They all laughed.

      ‘Poor Lucy, she really did milk it, no pun intended.’

      ‘So yeah, to some extent you have to be a bit disciplined about this stuff,’ Olivia said. ‘You almost need a rule. Something like a “no mentioning their name more than five times a day… or, “no listening to songs that remind you of your ex” rule. Just til a certain time has passed.’

      ‘Sounds a bit regimented, surely?’ Bella said.

      ‘Ha! Liv invented regimented. She’s the most disciplined person I know!’ Holly chuckled.

      Olivia grinned with pride. ‘Everything in life is easier to deal with if it’s compartmentalised and under control!’

      ‘But – but – we can’t be that hard on ourselves straight away,’ Bella said. ‘Surely we’re allowed some wallowing time? For instance, I know I’ll probably fall apart when I see the first dandelion clock of the season.’

      ‘Why?’ Holly said.

      ‘Oh, there’s just this funny thing Sam used to do with them.’ Her eyes began to water.

      ‘What, tell the time?’ Holly said.

      ‘Well. Yes.’

      ‘Everyone does that, B. That’s not so special,’ Olivia said.

      Bella looked as though Olivia had just trampled all over her palatial sandcastle. ‘No they don’t. Not the way he did it. He used to pretend to be the speaking clock voice, and do the whole “time sponsored by Accurist” bit, like it used to say in the nineties. You had to be there.’

      ‘Evidently,’ Olivia said.

      ‘OK, Bella darling,’ Holly began. ‘I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it in case it will help. Your Sam was a complete ARSE! I mean, he used to call you MISS PIGGY behind your back.’

      Bella snorted.

      ‘He didn’t!’ Olivia said. ‘So that’s where your Miss Piggy Complex comes from?’

      Holly stared at Bella and thought that, in spite of her dark brown hair, her round, symmetrical face bore an ever-so-small resemblance to Jim Henson’s most famous creation. And yet still there were some things you must absolutely never say to a person, and ‘you look a little bit like a brunette Miss Piggy’ was chief among them.

      ‘You absolute Muppet!’ Olivia punned, unwittingly. ‘Why would you put up with that?’

      ‘Blimey,’ Bella said. ‘Listen to us, whining on about our break-ups like a couple of miserable reprobates. We’re like some lonely hearts club, only without the band.’

      ‘Sad Bastards Anonymous, more like,’ Olivia suggested, smoothing out her hair, which had become crumpled from all the recent hugging. She began foraging for her handbag under the coat pile.

      ‘No…’ Holly said, ‘you guys are like some kind of bizarre break-up cult!’

      Bella’s eyes dilated with excitement. ‘Break-up Club, surely? That’s got a better ring to it? Yes! That’s what we are!’ Bella lurched forward, while Holly and Olivia exchanged looks of concern. ‘HAHAHAHaaaa!’ She clamped a hand over her mouth. ‘Um, has anyone got a tissue? I think I’ve just been a bit sick in my mouth,’ she mumbled through her fingers.

      ‘No,’ Olivia said, clearly disgusted, while Holly dug around in her bag for a tissue and handed it to Bella.

      ‘Ha! And that can be our strapline!’ Bella said through giggles, having wiped her mouth of anything offensive. She pulled out a moleskin notebook and began to jot things down in it. ‘The Break-up club..’

      ‘You cannot be serious,’ Holly said.

      ‘LOL. LOL,’ Olivia said.

      Everyone slowly turned to face her.

      ‘Liv. Did you just say “laugh out loud” – like, as an acronym?’ Holly asked,

      Olivia nodded. ‘I’m afraid the answer is yes. Yes I did.’

      Bella groaned. ‘Liv, you div. You can just laugh, you know. You don’t need to, like, declare the laugh.’

      ‘I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s Ross. He barely said whole words in all the time we were together. He spent so much time in those chat rooms! You’ll need to bear with me while his geek vernacular wears off.’

      ‘Anyway, we can always think up another strapline for the club,’ Bella said, deadpan.

      ‘You nut-nut; there isn’t really a club. We were just twatting about,’ Olivia said, looking at Holly. ‘Seriously, we’re not that unhinged.’

      ‘Yes, seriously, hon, we’ll be fine,’ Bella said, her eyes bloodshot, mascara all over her face, and snot congregating around her nostrils.

      ‘I СКАЧАТЬ