The Sandman Slim Series Books 1-4. Richard Kadrey

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СКАЧАТЬ who hasn’t managed to kill anything. And it must be clear to everyone paying attention that I’m not Sam Spade. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m running on instinct and hunches.

      Killing is a funny thing. Even if it’s killing a Hellion general, one so psychotic that even other Hellions want him dead, the first time you commit murder, you’re going to get sicker than you’ve ever been in your life and it’s going to last for days. The second time you commit murder, you’re going to get just as sick, but you’re going to be over it the next day. The third time you commit murder, you change into that extra shirt you brought along, the one that’s not covered in blood, and you go out for a drink. After that, killing doesn’t feel like much of anything at all. Of course, I haven’t killed a human yet. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about it when the time comes.

      Maybe it’s not such a bad thing that Alice isn’t here to see what I’ve become.

      I sit down on the edge of the bed and pick up the magic box, roll it around in my hands, then set it back on the table. On the TV, some poor Indian has just died hauling Fitzcarraldo’s boat over the mountain. The Indian’s friends are gathered around his body, but Fitz is screaming for them to keep pulling his boat. He’s the hero of the story and he’s completely nuts. This isn’t going to have a happy ending.

      I lie down for a while, trying to get the kinks out of my back, but I’m too restless, so I walk over to the Bamboo House of Dolls. Carlos says hi, but I just sort of grunt at him. Being a good bartender, Carlos sees all and knows all. He brings me a double of Jack, along with some rice and beans with warm tortillas. Then he leaves me alone. The music isn’t Martin Denny tonight. It’s someone named Esquivel. It sounds like what James Bond’s dentist must play in his waiting room. I try to relax, enjoy the food, and let the ludicrous sound wash around me. After two or three more drinks, Esquivel is really starting to grow on me.

      When Carlos comes over to take away the empties, I ask, “What about me on a yacht in a white tux? Could I be James Bond’s stunt double?”

      Carlos takes the glasses away before he says, “Only if Bond fell into a wood chipper first.”

      He asks if I want another drink. I tell him I need a cigarette more and go outside and light up. It’s around eight. Maybe nine. Ten’s a possibility. Anyway, it’s dark out. Time to get back to Vidocq’s. I head for an alley across the street where I can slip unseen into a shadow. Halfway there, I spot a Ducati parked down the street. The twentysomething hipster TV producers love these sleek Euroracers, but like the Melrose Harley boys, it’s mostly for show. The Ducati’s tires are clean enough to eat off of. Doesn’t anyone in this town actually ride their bike?

      It’ll be nice to feel some wind on my face. I take out the knife, jam it in the ignition, and I’m gone.

      RULE ONE WHEN you get back from Hell and haven’t ridden a high-performance in eleven years is not to get on the bike after three or five Jack Daniel’s. Rule two is not to try a stoppie—grabbing just the front brake so that your rear end pops up. When you’re drunker than you think you are, which is pretty much always, you’re going to lean too far forward and pull the rear end of the bike up and over onto your dumb ass. Lucky for me, even six or seven sheets to the wind, I still have impressively inhuman reflexes, which means I can jump off the bike before it comes over and snaps my neck. The downside to jackrabbit reflexes is that while they get you out of the way of obvious and imminent danger, when you’re going forty miles an hour on your front wheel, those reflexes will simply launch you into the air like a squirrel on a land mine.

      Off to my left, the bike is pinwheeling down the empty street, kicking up, sparking, and shedding its plastic and chrome skin as it flies apart. It’s kind of beautiful, turning from a machine into an ever-expanding shrapnel flower.

      Then I hit the street and start tumbling. Then sliding. Then tumbling again. I vaguely remember that there’s a proper way to come down after laying down a bike, but my head is bouncing off asphalt and manhole covers and I’m way beyond technique at this point. I just roll up into a ball and hope that I don’t break anything important.

      And I don’t. I just come away with some road rash on my hands and legs. Chalk one up to Kevlar scar tissue. My leather jacket is nicely scarred, which is fine by me. There’s nothing more embarrassing than new bike leather. However, my jeans look like they were attacked by a pack of wolverines. The bike is a total loss. I drag what’s left of it and leave it between a couple of stripped cop cars. I’m only a couple of blocks from Vidocq’s, so I walk the rest of the way.

      AT THE DOOR Vidocq hits me with the resigned look of a father who knows that no matter how much he tries, this son probably isn’t going to make it to thirty. He shows me mercy by letting me in without saying a word. Allegra is grinning at me like the little sister who’s thinking the same thing as the father, but finds it funny and not pathetic.

      “Are there any of my old clothes around?”

      “I think there might be some in one of the cabinets. Wait here and try not to bleed on anything.”

      “I showed Eugène that fire magic you taught me,” Allegra says.

      “That was barely magic at all. More of a trick. And I didn’t teach you anything. I charmed your hand and gave you about one molecule of what I can do. That’s not the same as learning magic. You need to remember that or you’ll get hurt.”

      Vidocq comes out of the bedroom with a familiar looking pair of beaten-up jeans.

      “Thanks,” I tell him. I take off my shredded pants, toss them in a corner and put on the clean jeans, then remember that while modesty isn’t in high demand in Hell, you’re not necessarily supposed to do that kind of thing up here. But they’re both still looking at me like I stepped off the short bus, which is pretty much what I just did.

      Vidocq leads us into the hall, stops, and looks at me.

      “Allegra is with us now,” he says. “She needs to see and understand the things we do. You’re too drunk to safely steal another car tonight, though I know that’s exactly what you’d like to do. Instead, you need to show this girl your true gift and prove to her that you do things besides hurting yourself and other people.”

      “Where are we going?”

      “Third Street and Broadway. The Bradbury Building.”

      I hold out my hand to Allegra. “You ready to do the next thing?”

      “What is it?”

      “This isn’t an asking situation. This is a doing situation. Either you’re ready or you’re not.”

      A moment of hesitation, then she takes my hand. “Show me.”

      Vidocq takes her other hand, and I pull them both into a shadow and into the room.

      “What is this place?”

      “The center of the universe.”

      “What does that mean?”

      “You can go anywhere you want. Any street. Any room. Anywhere. Across town, the moon or Elvis’s romper room.”

      “If you can go anywhere you want anytime you want, why are you always stealing cars?”

      “Because ghosts walk through walls. People drive cars.”

      “Mr. СКАЧАТЬ