No One Wants to Be Miss Havisham. Brigid Coady

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СКАЧАТЬ and a home then. It had all gone wrong; everything did, but her mother had known it however briefly. What did Edie have?

      A job, a voice in her head said. It sounded like Ms Satis. Edie had a life where she didn’t have to answer to anyone but herself. And that was just fine, wasn’t it?

      “Oh this is where my Aunt Philly comes out!” Edie remembered. “She looked like a queen. I wanted to be just like her. We had so much fun planning the flowers and putting together the orders of service. Did you know that flowers have a language? That if you use different blooms they mean something?” Edie was smiling; tension that had been in her jaw for years was easing.

      And then from out of the house came a glowing young woman, the dated gown doing nothing to dispel her beauty. Little Edie and her mother instantly surrounded her. When was the last time Edie had been with just her mother and aunt? Last Christmas? The Christmas before?

      Oh no, not then. That was the year she had gone away on her own because she was too stressed from work to be able to deal with her mother and the empty space which they all tried to ignore. And well, who had time at weekends to visit? At least she would see her at Mel’s wedding. Edie’s mood dipped.

      “I wish,” she whispered, blotting her leaking eyes with the back of her hand, “but it’s too late.”

      “What is it?” asked the Spirit staring up at her seriously.

      “No, it’s just that my mother phoned me the other night and because I was too busy and tired and didn’t want the stress I didn’t answer and never called her back. I wish I had. She’s all I have left.”

      And then from behind her aunt came a man. Her father. She looked at his face, her memory of it had been blurred by so many years without seeing him. That was what he looked like.

      He was young and handsome.

      She had his eyes.

      He wrapped an arm round her mother’s shoulders. She leaned into him and they shared a look. Edie’s tears flowed again.

      “Is that your father?” the Ghost asked but Edie knew it was rhetorical. She nodded as she drank him in. She watched as her younger self skipped round the couple, laughing while her aunt looked on. She'd been totally secure in that world, a world she believed centred round her. How wrong she’d been.

      The older Edie ached. When was the last time she'd seen her dad? It had been a long time ago. Not too many years after this wedding.

      The Ghost smiled thoughtfully, and waved its basket saying, “Let’s see another wedding!”

      The foliage grew and retreated, blossoms came and went, and little Edie went from six to thirteen in the matter of a minute. Her dress was now peach silk, and her body hovered on the threshold of adulthood. She was at that stage where she was neither fish nor fowl.

      She picked at flaking paint of the gate, her face set in a sullen scowl.

      “Hey Edie!” A bundle of blonde energy also in peach came running down the lane.

      Teenage Edie’s scowl lightened and she smiled.

      “Mel! Can you believe it, my mother won’t let me wear any make-up!” she grumped to her best friend. "She and Dad had the most massive row about it. God, sometimes I hate her. She never wants me to have any fun."

      The older Edie felt the tears gathering. That had been the last big row she remembered them having, and then he'd left. Although she hadn't known that then.

      And they’d rowed because of her.

      “It’s alright,” the petite elfin face of Mel looked down, frowning as she rummaged through the funny bag that she clutched to her chest. It was a facsimile of a reticule and was done in the same shiny peach fabric.

      “Here!”

      Triumphantly she waved a set of cosmetics at teen Edie.

      “Oh, I remember,” said the older Edie, her face alight with memories.

      She watched her younger self inexpertly apply lipstick and mascara while her best friend held the small compact mirror in front of her.

      “There! Tom will have to notice you now,” said Mel.

      Little Edie’s face flushed hotly and clashed violently with the peach dress.

      The watching Edie’s heart skipped a beat as she heard the name. The same way she knew her heart had skipped a beat all those years ago.

      “Ah, so you remember Tom then?” the Spirit quizzed.

      “How could I forget Tom,” Edie said. But she had. She’d buried all those memories deep, locked them away. Even when Mel had told her that he was the best man at the wedding she'd ignored it. Nodded and then carried on as if she didn't care.

      Edie and the Ghost moved to follow the teenagers as they piled, giggling, into the flower decked horse and carriage that had pulled up in front of the gate.

      “Do you know where they’re going now?” asked the flower girl Spirit.

      “To the church,” she replied. “It was our teacher, Miss Stray, getting married. She was marrying Mel’s cousin, Charlie. Tom was, well, is his brother.

      “He was fifteen that summer. And Charlie's best man and all I wanted was for him to notice me.”

      The scene dissolved into soft focus and refocused with them back outside the church. Edie jumped.

      “Saves time,” the Ghost apologised.

      From the inside the church came the sound of the wedding march.

      “Ready?” asked the Spirit.

      Was she? Fizzing deep inside her was the teenager who wanted to see Tom again. She wanted to feel all the innocent pleasure of being in love for the first time all over again. That wrenching panic that they might never see you, might not love you back. But no matter what happened, you couldn’t stop the hope and yearning from filling you all the way to your fingertips.

      “Yes,” she breathed.

      Was this the last time her life had been uncomplicated? Mum and Dad had still been together and her world had been whole.

      They walked up the path and went into the church; they went from the bright June sunlight to the cool darkness of the Norman church. They passed the font and began to follow the bridal party down the aisle.

      “There’s Joanne Kitchner!” Edie squeaked. “My goodness last time I saw her she was screaming at her kids in the supermarket. Wow, she looks so young.

      "Jessica!" she called as she passed a teenage girl. The young Jessica wore the same superior look as the ghost from the night before. The only difference was age and spots. "I'd forgotten she was at this wedding."

      Edie tried to grab her attention by shouting.

      "She can't hear you; this is just a reflection of your past. She isn't here," the Ghost said.

      Edie sighed. It СКАЧАТЬ