Josephine Cox Sunday Times Bestsellers Collection. Josephine Cox

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СКАЧАТЬ against the barn door, his sorry gaze following Ronnie as he disappeared out of sight.

      He was torn two ways. He knew how hard his younger brother had tried to stay out of trouble, and for a time he had managed it. He stayed home and worked the land with Thomas. He slotted back into the family fold and was even forging a friendship with Leonard. But like always, this period of peace was short-lived. Somehow he always drifted back to the bad ways, hanging out with ruffians on the wrong side of town, getting drunk in bars and causing mayhem wherever he went.

      Seeing his brother so damaged, was deeply troubling to Thomas. There seemed no peace for him, no salvation. Inevitably his thoughts returned to the day they sailed out of Liverpool, when he had seen young Ronnie hiding behind a column on deck, looking back, tears in his eyes as he searched for the figure of his father; there was no sign of Barney, only the Mersey docks, getting smaller and smaller, until they disappeared altogether.

      Time and again over the years he had tried to reach out to Ronnie, but when he was in one of his black moods, there was no reasoning with him.

      The boy had gone, the man had emerged, but the heart was still raw with loss. And because Barney was not here to ease his pain, he blamed everyone else – his brother, his mother, and most of all, Leonard.

      Susie was the only one he would talk to, because she knew how he felt. She, too, had gone through all the emotions, the bitterness and hatred, the longing and regrets. But over the years she had poured all her energy into work, and somehow had managed to come to terms with the upheaval that had turned all their lives upside down.

      On seeing his mother return with Leonard, Thomas quickly went into the barn and resumed work on the tractor.

      When he heard a noise at the barn door, he looked up to see his mother standing there. ‘Is everything all right?’ she asked worriedly. ‘Was that Ronnie I saw running across the fields?’

      Thomas told her that Ronnie had been helping him service the machines. ‘He had to go,’ he explained. ‘Things to do, or so he said.’

      Vicky came closer. ‘Don’t fob me off, young fella,’ she said. ‘Ronnie was running like the devil was on his heels. Something’s wrong, I know it.’ She saw the pain in her elder son’s eyes and her heart sank. ‘What’s wrong this time? Where was he headed? Please, lad, tell me the truth.’

      Thomas straightened his shoulders. ‘He’s gone,’ he said simply.

      ‘Gone where?’

      ‘God knows.’

      ‘Why did he go? WHY?’

      ‘Who can tell?’ Anger and frustration rippled through him. ‘One minute he was working under the tractor, then we were talking and now he’s gone, like you say … running as though the devil was on his heels.’

      Vicky didn’t need to ask but she did anyway. ‘What exactly were you talking about?’

      ‘Nothing in particular,’ he said cautiously. ‘This and that.’

      ‘It was Barney, wasn’t it?’ Where Ronnie was concerned, her instincts were always right. ‘You were talking about your father, and he got himself all aerated?’

      Thomas was stuck for an answer. So many times he’d been caught in the middle, not wanting to hurt Ronnie, not wanting to hurt his mother. ‘All right, yes, we were talking about Dad, or at least Ronnie was,’ he said finally.

      She nodded an acknowledgement. ‘And he was blaming everyone. You, for not persuading me to go back and try to reunite the family, and Leonard for marrying me?’

      ‘Look, Mom, Ronnie’s got it all wrong. He took it bad when the family broke up.’

      Vicky put up her hand to stop him. ‘We all took it bad!’ she reminded him. ‘You, Susie, and me. We’ve all had to deal with it. Did you tell him that it was twenty years ago, and that he must learn to come to terms with it? Otherwise it will ruin him, and if it ruins him, it will ruin us too.’ A thought crossed her mind. ‘What else did he say?’

      Thomas knew his mother would not let it go until she had the whole story. ‘He said you should never have married Leonard,’ he muttered, hating to say the words.

      ‘I see.’ She bowed her head. ‘He still dislikes him, doesn’t he?’

      ‘No, I don’t think he dislikes him. It’s just that he sees him as having taken Dad’s place.’

      Vicky’s quiet voice reflected her thoughts. ‘He doesn’t know how wrong he is. No one could ever take the place of Barney.’

      Her sorry eyes belied the bright smile on her face. ‘Ronnie will be back,’ she assured him. ‘He needs us, just like we need him, so let’s not worry too much, eh?’

      As she walked away, the tears burned brightly in her sad eyes. In the curve of the lane she paused to look up at the skies; just then the clouds shifted and from somewhere deep in the Heavens, the sky was lit with a warm glow. ‘Help him, Barney,’ she pleaded. ‘He’s so bitter and unhappy, and he won’t let any of us near. He’s your son, my darling, and he’s in turmoil. Help him, please.’

      After a while she blinked back the tears and walked on.

      She knew how Ronnie felt and she could not blame him. There were times when she, too, felt the pain and loneliness of not having Barney in their lives. Yes, she had made a new life with Leonard, and yes, she had her family around her. But every day, every minute something was missing. That something was Barney.

      In the beginning she had often been tempted to go back, to make contact with him and talk it through, until she reminded herself that it was Barney himself who had made the choice; it was Barney who had broken all their hearts and sent them away; and it was Barney who had cruelly rejected her, time and again. For whatever reason, their happy life together had been poisoned for all time.

      That was when the pain turned to anger, and she hardened herself to move on, away from the past and into the future.

      For all their sakes, it had seemed the only way.

       Chapter 11

      SUNDAY-EVENING DINNER with the family had become a regular event. This Sunday was no different, except by the time Vicky had set the table ready for serving, Ronnie had still not shown up. ‘He’s deliberately staying away again, isn’t he?’ She was at her wits’ end. ‘He can’t even bring himself to sit at the table once a week with his own family!’

      Leonard had seen it all before and try as he might, he could not get through to Ronnie. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you know what he’s like. He’ll either turn up or he won’t. Either way there is little we can do. We can’t frog-march him here.’

      Vicky still blamed herself. ‘If only he would talk to you, it might help.’

      ‘No, it wouldn’t.’ Leonard shook his head. ‘I’ve tried to be a father figure, but he’s not having it. I can’t force myself on him, sweetheart. It’s got to come from him.’

      Leonard had kept his promise СКАЧАТЬ