The Future Homemakers of America. Laurie Graham

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СКАЧАТЬ English don’t care for high levels of noise. One of the first things I learned about them was, they never speak out loud and clear, and they don’t like it if others do neither.

      ‘Why don’t you stop your caterwauling and git back where you belong?’ he said.

      ‘Any day now,’ Lois shouted back to him. ‘Soon as our brave boys have blown those Russkies outta your back yard. And I wonder how long it’ll be till you need us the next time?’

      ‘Ruddy Yanks,’ he shouted. He was waving his stick at her. ‘Clear off where you come from!’

      ‘Our pleasure, y’old tight-ass.’ Lois loved a fight. ‘Think we like being in this mouseshit country of yours?’

      Betty was trying to get the kids into the cars, Deana and Sherry playing up because they didn’t want to ride with her, Crystal snivelling because Sandie had gotten taffy on her rabbit mitts.

      Lois had to have the last word, of course. ‘And another thing,’ she shouted. ‘You call that an ocean?’

      I offered to drive in front, knowing what a old lady Betty could be when she got behind a wheel, dithering at every turn she come to, but she insisted she wanted to lead the way. And when I seen her taking that right turn when she should have kept straight ahead, I did my best to stop her. Flashed my beams, got Audrey to lean out and wave her arms around, but she wouldn’t be stopped and, even when she knew she’d gone wrong, she still kept going, thought she could cut across country and make good instead of turning back, till we ended up in a barnyard.

      She blamed me, of course. Said I’d flustered her, signalling an’ all. She also blamed Lois for upsetting everybody with that ugly scene and Audrey for looking smug, like she never took a wrong turn in her life.

      ‘Hey,’ Lois said. ‘How about Gayle? You ain’t blamed her for anything yet. And Kath here. This some kinda discrimination? And you ain’t even mentioned General MacArthur.’

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