The Future Homemakers of America. Laurie Graham

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       20

      Betty said, ‘Migraine, my eye. That girl’s in the family way. But don’t you worry, I won’t tell a soul. Well, I hope that means the game’s off. I never wanted to play anyhow. Swinging at a silly ball.’

      Lance was our captain. He had to be. He was the tallest and the blondest and he had ‘Leader’ written all over him. He said how about recruiting John, take Lois’s place, but Kath heard that. She said, ‘No. He won’t manage that. He can’t hit a ball. If you’re short, though, I’ll have a go.’

      Ed muttered something to Vern about too many women. Something about why didn’t we just let them run for president and be done with it. But Lance put Kath in to bat 9, and he asked Betty to help her along till she got the hang of the game. Which was like asking Mr Magoo to lead the blind.

      366’s line-up was Ax Bergstrom, captain, and his wife, Ruby; Dorothy and Deek Kurlich; Pat and Yvette Franklin; Ginger Bass and Lorene; and Tom Hannegan. His wife was home to Nebraska, dropping their firstborn any day.

      First inning, Okey homered in to centre field, Lance popped up to third and then Ed put us up 2–0 with a home run to left, Betty squealing, ‘Oh Ed, oh Ed!’ Then Vern popped up to Ruby Bergstrom at short and then I done the very same thing myself.

      Me and Vern Dewey had a long-running disagreement regarding the ability of the female of the species to hurl a ball and, this being the military, the fact that I pitched for Topperwein High, 1939 to 1941, helped them on their way to a team-low ERA of 3.09 in the Guadalupe County Senior Girls’ League, counted for nothing with our captain. I guess he felt he’d done enough for womankind that day. So it was friend husband who stepped up to the mound, pitched so wild he gave away three walks, then Deek Kurlich hit a home run. Nice work, Vern.

      Hannegan fouled out to first base and Ruby B and Dorothy both grounded out.

      Lance walked alongside me as we changed sides. I said, ‘Is that a change of pitcher I hear clanking through the cog-wheels of your mind?’

      ‘I guess,’ he said. ‘I hate to cause strife between husband and wife, though.’

      ‘Woman’s game.’ That was the unkindest cut Vern could come up with when he heard I was taking his place.

      Ax Bergstrom pitched to Gayle and she singled down the left field-line. Audrey walked, Betty struck out, never got the bat off her shoulder and then there stood Kath, with her sleeves rolled up and that polka-dot skirt tucked up in her drawers. Next thing Bergstrom knew, the ball was well on its way to Norwich. Trouble was, Kath didn’t know she was meant to drop the bat and Captain James Maggs, who was umpiring, was the type of unbending bastard does everything by the book. Still, Kath had showed us what she was made of.

      ‘Well, just look at that,’ Okey said. ‘We gone and adopted ourselves a left-handed power-hitter.’ He was so excited he lined out to short.

      Lorene Bass faced my first pitch. I had her and First Lieutenants Franklin and Bass struck out, all three.

      Third inning, Lance and Ed singled, then Vern hit to second and by the time he moved his ass, Deek Kurlich had stepped on to the bag and whipped the ball across to first. I was so mad at him, I lost my head and popped up to third.

      I pitched well after that, kept 366’s finest pretty much pinned down.

      Fourth inning we got there, slow but steady, put us 6–4 up. Then fifth inning if Vern didn’t go and make the same foolish error again. I walked, but then Gayle grounded out to first base.

      I said to Lance, ‘Please tell me you’re not allowing Mr Double-Play Dewey near a bat again.’

      ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘whatever happened to wifely devotion?’

      ‘He gets that in buckets,’ I said. ‘Now, why don’t you use the brain God gave you and let little Deana pinch hit for Vern? She can’t do worse.’

      He said he’d think it over.

      Sixth inning the question didn’t arise, but Kath homered to right field and Lorene Bass never even saw it go.

      I gave up two runs when I should have held them scoreless, but Ruby Bergstrom had a good eye – and Yvette Franklin too, when she put her mind to it. I’d have had the both of them on my team if I’d had to name USAF Drampton’s Best.

      Final inning Lance said to Vern, ‘Why don’t you rest up that shoulder? Young Deana here’s itching to take a swing.’

      ‘All the same to me,’ Vern said. And it was, too. He just wanted to get back to the beer and talk lugworms some more with John Pharaoh.

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