The Alcohol Experiment: 30 days to take control, cut down or give up for good. Annie Grace

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СКАЧАТЬ we want to even after we’ve decided to cut back. This is why willpower doesn’t work in the long term. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines willpower as “energetic determination.” That means it takes energy, conscious thought, and effort. This is especially true when you are trying to stop doing something that you believe provides a benefit. We don’t have to exert conscious effort and energy not to drink something we believe is bad for us if we see no benefit in it. For example, there is no effort involved in turning down a glass of motor oil.

      If you believe, even subconsciously, that alcohol provides a benefit, you will be exercising willpower to cut back or avoid drinking. The problem with willpower is that since it is energy, willpower runs out. And if you use your willpower on one thing—like being patient with your kids or paying attention during a boring work event—you will have less willpower to use when you try to turn down that next drink. That is why I say we need to get out of the willpower game altogether. Until we resolve the inner conflict, we cannot hope to succeed.

      Let’s pretend we’re trying to avoid sweets because we’re trying to lose weight. Yet someone at the office brings in a big plate of freshly baked cookies and we mindlessly grab one and eat it. (Okay, who are we kidding . . . we eat like three cookies.) Bam! Dissonance. Your brain doesn’t want to eat cookies, because you’re on a diet. But you did. There’s an internal conflict. Our brains immediately try to restore internal harmony in a few ways:

       1. We can change our behavior. Make a vow not to eat another cookie no matter how good they look.

       2. We can justify our behavior and say, “Oh, it’s okay to cheat every once in a while. We all need a little sugar now and then. I deserve it.”

       3. We can add another behavior to counteract the first one. “Well, I ate the cookies, but that’s okay. I’ll go for a long run after work to burn off the extra calories.”

       4. We can delude ourselves by denying or ignoring the conflicting information. “Those cookies are probably not all that bad for my diet. They seemed pretty small anyway.”

      We delude ourselves all the time when it comes to alcohol or any addictive substance. We ignore the fact that alcohol isn’t doing us any favors and it’s actually harming us. We do it as a defense mechanism because we’re trying to solve this internal disagreement. Conflict hurts. Humans are hardwired to avoid it whenever possible. When you’re divided—when you’re not whole—it’s incredibly painful. And what do we drinkers do to numb pain? We drink! And then we drink more. And sometimes we drink until we black out to avoid something painful, even temporarily.

      The more we drink, the worse we feel (mentally and physically) and the more we don’t want to drink.

      The more we don’t want to drink, the more internal conflict we create.

      The more conflict, the more pain.

      The more pain, the more we drink.

      It’s a cycle that spirals out of control. It’s not intentional. We may not even know we’re doing it until something terrible happens. At some point, we wake up to the reality and try to change. But unless we address the dissonance, change continually eludes us. I tried to drink less, to set limits on my drinking. I could do it for a little while, but eventually my willpower would give out, and I’d be right back to waking up wondering how many glasses I’d had the night before. I felt helpless. I felt weak. And I felt alone. I’m smart and capable. Why did this have such a hold on me? I would intend to drink a single glass of wine, or maybe two, but would wake up the next morning being unable to count how many I’d had. And that would make me want to drink more because then I wouldn’t have to think about the fact that I’d broken a commitment to myself—again. Drinking erased the conflict, even for a little while.

      What I didn’t know was that there was something much bigger at work. The subconscious mind is where our desires originate. So part of me was so much stronger than my conscious desire to get my act together. The deck was stacked against me, and I didn’t even realize it.

      The good news is that I discovered a way to truly resolve my cognitive dissonance around drinking. And it works for anything, by the way. If you’re eating sugar when you don’t want to, or you’re gambling when you don’t want to, or you’re watching too much television—whatever. This method works to resolve the conflict and get your conscious and subconscious minds on the same page. When that happens, you get what you want with no effort. You can go to a party with all your friends and have a great time without even thinking about alcohol. You can ring in the New Year with ginger ale. You can save your relationships. You can change your life.

      Want to know the secret?

      It’s all about awareness. If you’re struggling because you’re unaware of your subconscious beliefs, then the solution is to become aware of them. Shine a light deep into the nooks and crannies of your mind and figure out what beliefs are holding you back. What beliefs are in conflict with your desire to drink less or stop drinking?

      I’ve developed a proven, scientifically based process to do exactly that. The process is based on a technique called Liminal Thinking, created by the bestselling author Dave Gray, and The Work, by author Byron Katie. The liminal space is the area between your conscious and your subconscious, or subliminal, mind. The technique I’ve developed is called ACT: Awareness, Clarity, and Turnaround. You’re going to become aware of your belief by naming and putting language to it. Next, you clarify the belief, where it came from and how it feels inside you. Finally, you will turn around the belief coming up with a few reasons why the opposite of your long-held belief may be truer or as true as the original belief. As with many of the most profound tools for change, it is a simple process of deconstructing your beliefs by asking yourself questions like these:

      What do I believe?

      Is it true?

      How does it make me feel?

      Is it helpful?

      Remember when I said sometimes our beliefs just aren’t true? Well, that’s how you untangle this mess—by discovering the truth. Does alcohol truly relax you? Or do you just think it does? Do you really enjoy sex more when you’re drunk? Or does it become a sloppy, embarrassing mess you can barely remember?

      I’m not going to suggest the answer is one or the other. I can’t make you believe something you don’t want to believe. Your subconscious beliefs remain deeply entrenched until you become aware of them and decide to change them by questioning their validity. Every few days during this 30-day experiment, you’ll see bonus ACT chapters. You can read them as they come up, or you can read them first if you like. These special chapters present you with some facts regarding certain common beliefs about alcohol. All I ask is for you to keep an open mind and carefully consider what you’re reading. It might take a few days or weeks of mulling it over before you decide one way or another. You might need to test out some theories. That’s okay. Take as much time as you need. This is your experiment. Here’s a preview of how the ACT technique works:

      

THE ACT TECHNIQUE

       1. AWARENESS. Name your belief. In the context of alcohol, this is your conscious reason for drinking, simply put it into words:

       Alcohol relaxes me.

       2. CLARITY. Discover why you believe it and where it originated. You do this by asking questions—both of yourself and of the external evidence—and uncovering truths about your belief.

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