I Was Born for This. Alice Oseman

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СКАЧАТЬ then Juliet says something else.

      ‘So, if we head out again at around six, I think that should give us enough time to get there.’

      I scrape the J2O bottle label with my thumbnail.

      ‘Er – wheeeeere are we going?’

      Juliet freezes, standing over the opposite side of the counter island.

      ‘To pick up – wait … have I not told you about this?’

      I shrug exaggeratedly.

      ‘My friend Mac is coming down as well,’ she says. ‘To stay. To see The Ark.’

      I immediately begin to panic.

      I don’t know who Mac is. I haven’t heard of Mac. I don’t really want to hang out with someone I haven’t met before. I don’t really want to have to make any new friends when this week is supposed to be dedicated to Juliet and The Ark. Making friends is effort, making friends with Mac will be effort, because he doesn’t know me, he isn’t used to me and my incessant talkativeness and my deep passion for a teen boy band, and this week isn’t about Mac. This week is for me and Juliet and our boys – The Ark.

      ‘Did I really not tell you?’ asks Juliet, running a hand over her hair.

      She sounds like she feels pretty bad about it.

      ‘No …’ I say. I sound rude. Okay. Calm down. It’s fine. Mac is fine. ‘But – it’s fine! More pals! I’m good at making new friends!’

      Juliet puts her hands on her face. ‘God, I’m so sorry. I could have sworn I told you. I promise he’s really, really nice. We talk on Tumblr, like, every day.’

      ‘Yeah!’ I say, nodding enthusiastically, but I feel guilty. I want to tell her that I’m not really okay with this, and I hadn’t been expecting this, and to be honest I probably wouldn’t have come if I’d known I’d have to spend the week socialising with some guy I don’t know. But I don’t want to make things awkward when I’ve only been here for ten minutes.

      I’ll just have to lie.

      Just for this week.

      Hopefully God will forgive me. He knows that I need to be here. For The Ark.

      ‘So, we’ll head out at six, back here for pizzas, put a film on, then the awards start at two, yeah?’ I say, words tumbling out of my mouth.

      It’s 5.17 p.m. We’re staying up tonight to watch the West Coast Music Awards, which start at 2 a.m. UK time. Our boys – The Ark, that is – are performing there. The first time they’ve appeared at an American awards show.

      ‘Yes,’ says Juliet, nodding decisively. Nodding is starting to lose its meaning. I turn round and start pacing the kitchen and Juliet takes out her phone.

      ‘Looks like the boys have arrived at their hotel!’ she says, staring at the screen. Probably on @ArkUpdates on Twitter – our usual source for everything Ark-related. It’s incredible I haven’t checked it in the last hour.

      ‘Any pics yet?’

      ‘Just a blurry one of them getting out of their car.’

      I lean over her shoulder and look at the photo. There they are. Our boys. The Ark. Blurry, pixelated smudges, half blocked by huge bodyguards in dark suits. Rowan is leading them, Jimmy in the middle, Lister behind. They seem connected. Like the Beatles on Abbey Road, or a group of toddlers holding hands on a preschool trip to the park.

      

      ‘Wake up, Jimjam.’ Rowan kicks me in the shin. Rowan and Lister and I are all in the same car, which makes a pleasant change. Usually we have to arrive at these award shows separately and I have to endure a car ride with a bodyguard who keeps glancing at me like I’m a rare Pokémon card.

      ‘I’m awake,’ I say.

      ‘No, you’re not,’ he says, and then waggles his fingers above his head. ‘You’re up there.’

      Rowan Omondi is sitting opposite me in the back of our Hummer. He looks hot. Always does. His hair’s been in twists for the last couple of months and his glasses – new – are aviators. His suit is red with white and gold flowers on it – fire against his dark brown skin. His shoes are Christian Louboutin.

      He links his fingers together over one knee. His rings make a jangling sound.

      ‘It’s nothing new. We’ve done this before. What’s whirring?’ He taps his temple and looks at me. What’s whirring. I love Rowan. He says words like he made them up. Probably why he’s our lyricist.

      ‘Anxiety,’ I say. ‘I’m anxious.’

      ‘About what?’

      I laugh and shake my head. ‘Not how it works. We’ve been through this.’

      ‘Yeah, but, like, everything has a cause and effect.’

      ‘Anxiety is the cause and the effect. Double-whammy.’

      ‘Oh.’

      The anxiety thing isn’t new. By this point, it’s pretty much the fourth member of the band. I’ve been trying to get on top of it in therapy, but I haven’t had the time for many sessions this year what with the European tour and the new album, and I still haven’t really warmed up to my new therapist. I haven’t even told her about the massive panic attack I had at Children in Need last year yet. Still sang anyway. It’s on YouTube. If you look closely, you can see the tear tracks on my face.

      We fall into silence. I can hear the screams in the distance. Sounds a bit like a tide. We must be nearly there.

      My weird bad feelings are probably half anxiety and half genuine nerves about tonight, plus all the other things I’m sort of constantly dreading. I tend to constantly dread things, even when the ‘things’ aren’t actually dreadful. Currently up there on Jimmy’s List of Things He’s Dreading the Most are signing our new contract and coming home from tour, along with tonight’s performance at the West Coast Music Awards, aka our first ever live performance in America. It’ll be no different to our normal concert performances except that our audience will be the greatest musicians in the world and people who haven’t really heard of us rather than teenagers who know all our lyrics off by heart.

      Everything’s sort of changing and happening and I feel excited and scared, and my brain doesn’t know how to deal with it all.

      ‘I don’t know how you have room to be anxious when we’re finally performing at the Dolby,’ says Lister, who is literally bouncing up and down in his seat with a wild grin on his face. ‘I mean, I feel like I’m gonna shit myself. I think I might, actually. Stay tuned.’

      Rowan wrinkles his nose. ‘Can we not talk about poo while I’m wearing Burberry, please?’

      ‘If СКАЧАТЬ