Landlocked. Doris Lessing

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СКАЧАТЬ morning, as Martha sat at her typewriter, transforming scribbled sheets into piles of ordered black print, there would come a knock on the half-open door. (Why don’t you lock your door then? said Thomas – But it’s so hot!) Into the room would come one or several of these women, each exclaiming that they did not wish to waste Martha’s time, that they had work to do of their own in any case, but they had just dropped in. (Why don’t you tell them to go away, Martha? Just say, you’re sorry, you’re working.)

      And why did Martha not ask them to go away?

      Thomas said: ‘You never go to them, to their houses, do you?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘There you are. It never even occurs to you. It’s not something you do. So they come to you.’

      ‘Well?’

      ‘So you have to become a woman who is not to be disturbed in the daytime, because it’s not something you do.’

      ‘Ah, but it’s not so easy.’

      ‘Perfectly easy, if you decide to do it.’

      To serve tea, to sit talking, being sympathetic, charming (etc., etc., ad nauseam) creating a web of talk which (she knew quite well and so did they) had no relation to the events and people they discussed but which seemed to have a validity of its own – there was the most powerful attraction in it. She could positively see, after the women left, the soft, poisonous, many-coloured web of comment and gossip they had created, hanging there in the smoky air of the little room.

      But of course these were ‘intelligent’ people; some of them even ‘educated’; even – though this was a word they used with an increasingly humorous grimness, ‘progressive’ people. Yet what had changed in the talk, since Martha had chafed at the talk at the women’s tea-parties in the avenues? These women did not complain about their servants; they deplored, instead, that they had servants, wished they could do without them, and often indeed, took decisions to give them up. And they did not complain about their husbands, but about ‘society’, which made marriage unsatisfactory. They did not talk scandal in the sense of have you heard that so and so has left her husband? They discussed people’s characters, with all the dispassionate depth offered them by their familiarity with ‘psychology’. Why anybody ever did anything was immediately obvious to these psychologically educated females, and people’s motives were an open book to them, their own included. Recipes they exchanged – to talk about food was not reactionary, though to discuss clothes for too long was frivolous, if not reactionary. As for politics, there were two kinds of politics, neither needing much comment. Local politics, which meant, here, the situation of the black man – well, one can reach a degree of sophistication which means one has only to glance at a newspaper and exclaim bitterly: Of course, what would one expect! – to have said everything necessary. As for world politics, the manifestations of ‘the cold war’, a recently christened phenomenon, made it impossible for this tiny group of people to communicate easily, since they represented between them every variety of ‘left’ opinion, each grade of it needing the most incredible tact and forbearance with the others.

      And, of course, there was a horrible fascination, the dark attraction of Martha’s secret fears, in the fact that of the younger women there was not one who hadn’t sworn, ten years ago: I will not get like that! I won’t be dragged in. They all felt it, acknowledged it. Perhaps this knowledge, that none of them was strong enough to resist the compulsion to create the many-coloured poisonous web of talk, was why they all felt exhausted after such mornings. Just like the frivolous, non-progressive women of the avenues, they spent their days over cups of tea, and went home in a sort of dragging, rather peevish dissatisfaction, while in their heads still ran on, like a gramophone record that could not be turned off, the currents of their gossip: The trouble with Betty is, she is mother-fixated, her headaches are obviously of psychological origin, and Martha’s trouble is, she is unstable, and Marjorie’s trouble is, she is a masochist, why have another baby when she’ll only complain at the extra work, and Mrs Van – well, she’s marvellous, but she’s awfully conventional really, and Jack Dobie is not doing the progressive cause much good, if he hadn’t framed that Bill in such an aggressive way, he’d have got it through the House, but he has a father-complex, which makes it necessary for him to challenge authority.

      Because she could not work in the mornings, Martha would say to Anton, on the evenings when Thomas was not in town: ‘I’m sorry, but I’ve got to work after supper.’ Most evenings Martha worked, and Anton read or might go out – presumably to see Millicent.

      ‘You don’t feel any guilt about telling your husband you want to work, but you do when the women come around to gossip?’

      ‘He’s not my husband.’

      ‘Of course not. And this work, typing out reports for Jack Dobie about his trade unionists – that’s important?’

      ‘It’s better than talking about the du Preez’s children’s psychological problems and Piet du Preez’s power complex.’

      ‘Is it? Then if you feel it is, it is.’

      Martha said: ‘When I’m here and you say it, of course, it’s ridiculous. But afterwards it’s all very serious.’

      ‘Only because you let it be serious.’

      Martha said: ‘All these things that drive us crazy, when you put them into words, they sound silly. But it is important.’

      ‘All you have to do is to come here every morning when Anton goes to work and work here.’

      They sat on the low bed, side by side. It was in the evening, before he had to go back to his farm. A single, small bulb laid shadow and light about them. They were enclosed in a small, sweet-smelling world of wood and foliage. He was making white marks on her thigh with the pressure of his fingers, lifting them to let the blood flow in, then pressing down again. Both watched, absorbed, this life of the flesh which flourished in its own laws under their eyes.

      ‘You were going to say something about when I go away, Martha. There’s a look on your face which means that.’

      ‘Yes, that’s what I was thinking.’

      ‘I know you were. Well, you’re right. Look, I’m not disputing it, believe me.’

      ‘Disputing what? I haven’t said anything.’

      ‘You get a look on your face. That means I should shut up. You are claiming your right to make safeguards.’

      ‘For when I go away?’

      ‘That’s below the belt, it really is, Martha. You mean, because I don’t marry you, then you have to sit around all morning gossiping and complaining afterwards?’

      ‘Who said anything about marrying?’

      ‘You’re in the right to mention it.’

      ‘I didn’t mention it at all.’

      ‘Ah, my God, you’ll drive me mad. Then we’ll discuss your serious problems. Look then. You say you wouldn’t have left that office job except for me? Look how easy that was. When Mr Robinson got in the way of serious things, like a lover, then you changed your life at once. Now you say the women waste your time in the mornings – then come here, so they don’t know where you are.’

      ‘Ah yes, but it’s СКАЧАТЬ