Bad Friends. Claire Seeber

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СКАЧАТЬ year so far. And’, they craned a little further, ‘it’s not far off Christmas – so what does that say?!’

      They whooped with joy. They had no idea she said this every show. And if they did know, if they were old regulars, why would they care? They were Renee’s special audience, today, here and now – and that was all that mattered.

      ‘And we’re back in five, four, three, two –’ Amanda finished her count. The title music blared. Renee composed herself, flung on her tragedian robe so grandly.

      Fernandez and Draper had a row. Charlie looked a little happier. Fay talked about how terrified her parents had been when they turned on the news and saw the accident before they’d heard from her. The plant in the audience tried to stir things up even more by asking me whether I thought trauma was to be expected if we all led such adventurous lives and didn’t just stay at home and mind the kids. I pointed out as coolly as I could that I didn’t have kids and travelling down the motorway to get home in a National Express coach because my car had broken down outside Bristol (they didn’t need to know the truth) hardly constituted adventure.

      Then Renee started on the relationships. I licked my dry lips anxiously, but the wine was going a little way in protecting my poor aching heart. Only a little way, though. Fay, on the other hand, was basking in it all. Warhol’s ‘fifteen-minute fame game’ had truly taken hold; the fluffy rabbit of celebrity was tantalising the quivering greyhound.

      ‘You know,’ she blinked up at Renee, her voice all small and wounded again, ‘I’ve found it very hard with Troy since the accident.’

       Troy!

      ‘Darling.’ Renee crossed the floor in a grand swirling gesture, the batwings flapping. Fay looked tiny beside her. ‘Can you share, babes? Can you tell us why?’

      My good toes curled. Fay breathed deeply. Renee took her hand. ‘Just take a minute, please, Fay. There’s no rush.’

      Charlie’s frantic checking of his watch belied her words. Fay breathed again.

      ‘Okay? Come on, then, tell Auntie Renee.’ Gently, she coaxed it out of her.

      ‘It’s just – well, he’s become incredibly – over-protective. He hardly wants to let me out of his sight, he’s so worried something else might happen.’

      I shifted slightly in my seat. Renee’s radar picked up the minuscule movement. She dashed to the middle of the floor; was on me again before I knew it.

      ‘Maggie, have you got something to say? What about your partner? How has he dealt with your accident?’ Renee looked directly at me. She knew damn well about my partner; she must do. It would have been all around the office immediately. I met her eye.

      ‘I’m single at the moment, Renee.’ I forced a smile. ‘Like you.’

      She smiled right back, her face a mask. Venom seeped out of the tiny lines round her eyes, out of her glossed mouth, down through the hair extensions bought for hundreds from her celebrity stylist, which had been traded for pennies by skinny East Europeans, and originated from starving Asian street-kids. But she kept right on smiling.

      ‘Do you have some advice for Fay, Maggie?’ Renee clamped her hand down on my shoulder.

      ‘Not really,’ I muttered.

      Charlie coughed again, loudly this time. Renee’s acrylic nails indented my flesh. I sighed.

      ‘Right. Well, Fay, how do –’ I swivelled round in my seat to look directly at the girl, who smiled back in encouragement. ‘– how do you feel about Troy’s protectiveness?’

      She considered the question gravely for a moment. ‘I don’t know really, Maggie.’

      This was starting to feel like a bad edition of Oprah. I prayed fervently that no one I knew was watching.

      ‘But we are considering getting some counselling to get us through the bad patch.’

      I was sure Troy would be overjoyed to hear her admitting this on national television.

      ‘I mean, I’ve read some stuff, you know, like from Relate or marriage guidance people, you know, and they say the best thing is not necessarily to stay together. I mean, if you have counselling, they won’t always advise that. If, you know, things aren’t right.’

      ‘No, well, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d say that was pretty obvious. Any counsellor worth their salt would tell you that.’

      She looked at me. ‘Would they?’ There was something incredibly intense about her expression. ‘Do you really think they would?’

      ‘I mean, like I said, I don’t want to offend you. But if you find him – stifling – why would you want to stay?’

      ‘I guess you’re right,’ she said, very slowly. ‘I just hadn’t thought about it like that. I thought he was just being, you know – nice.’

      ‘Well, I’m sure he is nice. But that doesn’t mean he’s doing the right thing, being over-protective. Some men are just like that, aren’t they? They like control.’ For the first time today I felt almost impassioned. Almost. ‘They want to know where their women are at every moment, whether –’

      Renee was bearing down on me. She had absolutely no time for what she’d term ‘feminist claptrap’ on her show: too worthy, not enough blood and guts.

      ‘So, Maggie –’

      I recognised that tone.

      ‘You’ve had to have some help yourself, eh, sweetheart?’

      I couldn’t field it in time. The air crackled around me and my face froze. She knew. I stared at the floor in front of me as she paced before my chair. But what exactly did she know? Her leather boots were very high, as pointed as a cartoon witch’s.

      ‘You shouldn’t be ashamed, babes.’

      Charlie had betrayed me: he must have done.

      ‘Are you all right?’ she asked, so terribly caring, they thought. ‘You look a little tearful.’

      ‘Oh no,’ I blurted. ‘Sorry. It’s just the flowers.’ I waved vaguely behind me. ‘Lilies. I – I don’t like – I get a weird reaction, you know.’ I would never tell the truth here. ‘Hayfever.’

      ‘Share your feelings with us, Maggie. Come on, don’t be shy.’ Her voice dropped to a singsong lilt; its cruelty wrapped up carefully in coruscating kindness. ‘Perhaps we can help you, eh, Maggie?’ She raised her eyes to the audience. Her audience.

      The air felt electric now; it sizzled round my head. Everybody waited. I could sense Charlie on his haunches, as expectant as a gundog waiting to collect its kill. Panic began to build in me.

      Fernandez was sick of being overlooked. He pulled his lip over yellow teeth and unwittingly dispelled the tension.

      ‘So this is exactly what I mean in my latest book, Shadows in a Modern World. Often we ignore situations that we are –’

      Renee held СКАЧАТЬ