Peach Blossom Pavilion. Mingmei Yip

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СКАЧАТЬ this dusty world.’ She paused to put one strand of my hair in place. ‘I did try to go to your place, but the address Aunty Fang gave me was wrong. I’ve been asking around anyone who might know her, but,’ Mother stopped in midsentence to look at me tenderly, ‘anyway, you’re here now.’

      I scribbled my address and gave it to her. ‘Ma, this is the right address, so you can write me after you’ve arrived in Peking.’

      She carefully folded the paper as if it were a hundred silver-dollar bill and put it into her purse.

      My heart slowly shattered inside.

      Autumn was fading into winter. The weather had already turned chilly and most of the leaves on the white parasol trees had fallen, and were strewn along the Huangpu River bank.

      After a rickshaw ride and an interminable walk, my mother and I dragged our numbed bodies toward the North Train Station, dreading the moment of departure. Only one thought occupied our minds: We never knew when we would see each other again.

      Staring at the parasol leaves scattered in intriguing patterns along the asphalt ground, Mother said, her voice smeared with melancholy, ‘Xiang Xiang, we Chinese say “falling leaves returning to their roots.” You understand what this means?’

      I looked up and caught her eyes beaming with tears. ‘Yes, Ma, it means that no matter what happens, we should always find our way home.’

      A wry smile broke out on her bloodless face. ‘Will you remember this?’

      I nodded, too choked with sadness to say anything. Also because I was thinking: But Ma, where’s our home? I don’t think we have one to go back to any more! The turquoise pavilion, although it also had a ‘mama,’ was definitely not my home, nor was the nunnery my mother’s. But I swallowed my words as well as my tears.

      We arrived at the station and stepped inside the crowded lobby. Mother hurried to join the queue to buy tickets. I watched rich tai tai chatting languidly while waiting for their servants to buy them first-class passage.

      After a while, Mother rushed back to me, waving the ticket in her hand. We hurried to the train. In the past, I had always felt excited by trains. I’d liked listening to their ‘Wu! Wu!’ sound and watching the white smoke puffing out from their noses like steamed snow, while imagining the exotic places they would take me to. But now I dreaded this black monster. Soon it would grab my mother and take her away from me to a walled temple filled with bald-headed women reciting unintelligible sutras as if they were talking to ghosts!

      ‘Xiang Xiang,’ Mother said, while tenderly putting a Guan Yin pendant around my neck, ‘now hurry back to Aunty Fang and behave. Always obey her as if she were your real mother and never cause any trouble; you understand?’

      I felt tears stinging my eyes. ‘But Ma, that fat, ugly pig is not my mother!’

      Thwack! Mother slapped my face.

      I started to cry. ‘Ma, why don’t you take me with you?’

      ‘You think I’ve never thought of that?’ She sighed, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe my tears. Her voice came out soft and low. ‘Sorry that I hit you, Xiang Xiang. But do you have any idea what kind of a life it is to be a nun? It’s fine with me since my prime has passed and now I’m but a worthless old woman. But you’re young and beautiful and have a bright future waiting before you, so I won’t let you squander it in a nunnery. Besides,’ she sighed again, ‘one of the novice nuns told me that the Mother Abbess said …’ She stopped in midsentence.

      ‘Said what?’

      ‘That you’re too beautiful to be a nun, and she fears your beauty will bring bad luck to her temple.’

      Usually my heart would leap to heaven when people said that I was pretty, but now it sank to the bottom of the sea. ‘How do they know that I’m pretty?’

      ‘I told them, because I’m so proud of you.’ Mother patted my head. ‘Xiang Xiang, I know a servant girl’s life isn’t easy. But it’s only temporary. We’ll find a way out sooner or later. Now listen to me. After you’ve seen me off, go right back to your master. And don’t forget it’s very important that you obey him and his wives, and try your best to get along with everyone, otherwise you won’t have a roof to live under nor even thin rice gruel to warm your stomach. Remember, not only that you must put up with any hardship, you have to endure it with a smile, so no one will see a trace of bitterness.’ She paused to search my face. ‘Xiang Xiang, instead of complaining, you should thank heaven for all this, you understand?’

      I nodded, licking and tasting the salt of my tears. ‘Ma, when will we see each other again?’

      ‘Not for a while, but we will.’ Mother squeezed out a smile. ‘We can always write to each other. Or maybe I can even try to come back here to see you.’ She paused, ‘There are many temples on the western side of the Taiyi Mountain south-west of Peking. I think I’ll settle there, but I’m still not sure in which one. I’ll write you as soon as I arrive.’

      She sighed, looking at me with her tear-misted eyes. ‘Hai, Xiang Xiang, I know no matter how decently they treat you in your new house, you’re still a maid after all.’ She considered for a moment, then spoke again thoughtfully, ‘Just remember one thing: We can’t beat fate, but we can play along and make the most out of it. Try to be happy.’ Mother went on, ‘Also, be careful what you tell about yourself in the new house. Don’t say anything about how your baba died. Be cautious.’

      I nodded.

      Mother gave me a quick hug. ‘Xiang Xiang, I’m afraid our paths must part now. May Guan Yin be with you till we meet again.’

      With that, she hurried toward the train, tripped, pulled herself up, then, without turning back, mounted the black monster. With her back to me, she frantically waved her one-way ticket until her familiar slender figure vanished among the crowd.

      I stared hard at the tracks that would take her away to the nunnery in Peking but would never bring her back.

       3

       The Dark Room

      With the ‘Wu! Wu!’ sound of the train still ringing in my ears, I hired a rickshaw to go back to Peach Blossom. When I got off the vehicle and started to walk, I felt both the bitter cold wind and my own tears stinging my cheeks.

      To my surprise, as I sneaked up to the main gate, I saw Fang Rong standing there, thrusting forward her fat, wrinkled neck. Once she spotted me, she hollered, ‘Catch this little bitch!’

      Immediately, a huge lump of a man appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me. His hold was so tight that his fingers pinched deeply into my flesh. Before I could scream, I felt blows on my head and slaps on my face.

      Then Fang Rong’s voice screeched next to my ear like an out-of-tune fiddle. ‘I told you that you can’t go out by yourself! Where have you been?!’

      ‘To … see my mother off to Peking.’

      ‘See your mother off? Are you blind? Don’t you see your mama is right here in front of you?’ СКАЧАТЬ