Diary of a Pilgrimage. Jerome Klapka Jerome

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СКАЧАТЬ with you and a set of men. You’ll thank me for telling you that!”

      George dropped in during the evening. He said:

      “I’ll tell you one thing you’ll have to take with you, old man, and that’s a box of cigars and some tobacco.”

      He said that the German cigar – the better class of German cigar – was of the brand that is technically known over here as the “Penny Pickwick – Spring Crop;” and he thought that I should not have time, during the short stay I contemplated making in the country, to acquire a taste for its flavour.

      My sister-in-law came in later on in the evening (she is a thoughtful girl), and brought a box with her about the size of a tea-chest. She said:

      “Now, you slip that in your bag; you’ll be glad of that. There’s everything there for making yourself a cup of tea.”

      She said that they did not understand tea in Germany, but that with that I should be independent of them.

      She opened the case, and explained its contents to me. It certainly was a wonderfully complete arrangement. It contained a little caddy full of tea, a little bottle of milk, a box of sugar, a bottle of methylated spirit, a box of butter, and a tin of biscuits: also, a stove, a kettle, a teapot, two cups, two saucers, two plates, two knives, and two spoons. If there had only been a bed in it, one need not have bothered about hotels at all.

      Young Smith, the Secretary of our Photographic Club, called at nine to ask me to take him a negative of the statue of the dying Gladiator in the Munich Sculpture Gallery. I told him that I should be delighted to oblige him, but that I did not intend to take my camera with me.

      “Not take your camera!” he said. “You are going to Germany – to Rhineland! You are going to pass through some of the most picturesque scenery, and stay at some of the most ancient and famous towns of Europe, and are going to leave your photographic apparatus behind you, and you call yourself an artist!”

      He said I should never regret a thing more in my life than going without that camera.

      I think it is always right to take other people’s advice in matters where they know more than you do. It is the experience of those who have gone before that makes the way smooth for those who follow. So, after supper, I got together the things I had been advised to take with me, and arranged them on the bed, adding a few articles I had thought of all by myself.

      I put up plenty of writing paper and a bottle of ink, along with a dictionary and a few other books of reference, in case I should feel inclined to do any work while I was away. I always like to be prepared for work; one never knows when one may feel inclined for it. Sometimes, when I have been away, and have forgotten to bring any paper and pens and ink with me, I have felt so inclined for writing; and it has quite upset me that, in consequence of not having brought any paper and pens and ink with me, I have been unable to sit down and do a lot of work, but have been compelled, instead, to lounge about all day with my hands in my pockets.

      Accordingly, I always take plenty of paper and pens and ink with me now, wherever I go, so that when the desire for work comes to me I need not check it.

      That this craving for work should have troubled me so often, when I had no paper, pens, and ink by me, and that it never, by any chance, visits me now, when I am careful to be in a position to gratify it, is a matter over which I have often puzzled.

      But when it does come I shall be ready for it.

      I also put on the bed a few volumes of Goethe, because I thought it would be so pleasant to read him in his own country. And I decided to take a sponge, together with a small portable bath, because a cold bath is so refreshing the first thing in the morning.

      B. came in just as I had got everything into a pile. He stared at the bed, and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was packing.

      “Great Heavens!” he exclaimed. “I thought you were moving! What do you think we are going to do – camp out?”

      “No!” I replied. “But these are the things I have been advised to take with me. What is the use of people giving you advice if you don’t take it?”

      He said:

      “Oh! take as much advice as you like; that always comes in useful to give away. But, for goodness sake, don’t get carrying all that stuff about with you. People will take us for Gipsies.”

      I said:

      “Now, it’s no use your talking nonsense. Half the things on this bed are life-preserving things. If people go into Germany without these things, they come home and die.”

      And I related to him what the doctor and the vicar and the other people had told me, and explained to him how my life depended upon my taking brandy and blankets and sunshades and plenty of warm clothing with me.

      He is a man utterly indifferent to danger and risk – incurred by other people – is B. He said:

      “Oh, rubbish! You’re not the sort that catches a cold and dies young. You leave that co-operative stores of yours at home, and pack up a tooth-brush, a comb, a pair of socks, and a shirt. That’s all you’ll want.”

* * * * *

      I have packed more than that, but not much. At all events, I have got everything into one small bag. I should like to have taken that tea arrangement – it would have done so nicely to play at shop with in the train! – but B. would not hear of it.

      I hope the weather does not change.

      FRIDAY, 23RD

      Early Rising. – Ballast should be Stowed Away in the Hold before Putting to Sea. – Annoying Interference of Providence in Matters that it Does Not Understand. – A Socialistic Society. – B. Misjudges Me. – An Uninteresting Anecdote. – We Lay in Ballast. – A Moderate Sailor. – A Playful Boat.

      I got up very early this morning. I do not know why I got up early. We do not start till eight o’clock this evening. But I don’t regret it – the getting up early I mean. It is a change. I got everybody else up too, and we all had breakfast at seven.

      I made a very good lunch. One of those seafaring men said to me once:

      “Now, if ever you are going a short passage, and are at all nervous, you lay in a good load. It’s a good load in the hold what steadies the ship. It’s them half-empty cruisers as goes a-rollin’ and a-pitchin’ and a-heavin’ all over the place, with their stern up’ards half the time. You lay in ballast.”

      It seemed very reasonable advice.

      Aunt Emma came in the afternoon. She said she was so glad she had caught me. Something told her to change her mind and come on Friday instead of Saturday. It was Providence, she said.

      I wish Providence would mind its own business, and not interfere in my affairs: it does not understand them.

      She says she shall stop till I come back, as she wants to see me again before she goes. I told her I might not be back for a month. She said it didn’t matter; she had plenty of time, and would wait for me.

      The family entreat me to hurry home.

      I ate a very fair dinner – “laid in a good stock of ballast,” as my seafaring friend would have said; wished “Good-bye!” to everybody, and kissed Aunt Emma; promised to take care of myself – a promise which, please СКАЧАТЬ