Fanny and the Servant Problem. Jerome Klapka Jerome

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СКАЧАТЬ BENNET. It is Bennet, Miss Edith. We thought it might be helpful: a few texts, hung where they would always catch her ladyship’s eye. [She notices the look of doubt.] Nothing offensive. Mere general exhortations such as could be read by any lady. [The Misses Wetherell look at one another, but do not speak.] I take it, dinner will be at half past seven, as usual?

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Yes, Mrs. Bennet, thank you. They will not be here till about nine. They will probably prefer a little supper to themselves.

      Mrs. Bennet goes out – on her way to the kitchen. The Misses Wetherell look at one another again. The hammering recommences.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [she hesitates a moment, then goes to the open door and calls]. Bennet – Bennet! [She returns and waits. Bennet comes in.] Oh, Bennet, your wife tells us you are putting up a few texts in her ladyship’s bedroom.

      BENNET. It seemed to me that a silent voice, speaking to her, as it were, from the wall —

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It is so good of you – only, you – you will be careful there is nothing she could regard as a personal allusion.

      BENNET. Many of the most popular I was compelled to reject, purely for that reason.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We felt sure we could trust to your discretion.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. You see, coming, as she does, from a good family —

      BENNET. It is that – I speak merely for myself – that gives me hope of reclaiming her.

      A silence. The two ladies, feeling a little helpless, again look at one another.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We must be very sympathetic.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. And patient, Bennet.

      BENNET. It is what I am preparing myself to be. Of course, if you think them inadvisable, I can take them down again.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. No, Bennet, oh no! I should leave them up. Very thoughtful of you, indeed.

      BENNET. It seemed to me one ought to leave no stone unturned. [He returns to his labours in the bedroom.]

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [after a pause]. I do hope she’ll like the Bennets.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. I think she will – after a time, when she is used to them.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I am so anxious it should turn out well.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. I feel sure she’s a good woman. Vernon would never have fallen in love with her if she hadn’t been good. [They take each other’s hand, and sit side by side, as before, upon the settee. The twilight has faded: only the faint firelight remains, surrounded by shadows.] Do you remember, when he was a little mite, how he loved to play with your hair? [The younger Miss Wetherell laughs.] I always envied you your hair.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. He was so fond of us both. Do you remember when he was recovering from the measles, his crying for us to bath him instead of Mrs. Bennet? I have always reproached myself that we refused.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. He was such a big boy for his age.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I think we might have stretched a point in a case of illness.

      The room has grown very dark. The door has been softly opened; Vernon and Fanny have entered noiselessly. Fanny remains near the door hidden by a screen, Vernon has crept forward. At this point the two ladies become aware that somebody is in the room. They are alarmed.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Who’s there?

      VERNON. It’s all right, aunt. It’s only I.

      The two ladies have risen. They run forward, both take him in their arms.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Vernon!

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. My dear boy!

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But we didn’t expect you —

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. And your wife, dear?

      VERNON. She’s here!

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Here?

      Fanny, from behind the screen, laughs.

      VERNON. We’ll have some light. [He whispers to them.] Not a word – haven’t told her yet. [Feeling his way to the wall, he turns on the electric light.]

      Fanny is revealed, having slipped out from behind the screen. There is a pause. Vernon, standing near the fire, watches admiringly.

      FANNY. Hope you are going to like me.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. My dear, I am sure we shall.

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It is so easy to love the young and pretty. [They have drawn close to her. They seem to hesitate.]

      FANNY [laughs]. It doesn’t come off, does it, Vernon, dear? [Vernon laughs. The two ladies, laughing, kiss her.] I’m so glad you think I’m pretty. As a matter of fact, I’m not. There’s a certain charm about me, I admit. It deceives people.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We were afraid – you know, dear, boys – [she looks at Vernon and smiles] sometimes fall in love with women much older than themselves – especially women – [She grows confused. She takes the girl’s hand.] We are so relieved that you – that you are yourself, dear,

      FANNY. You were quite right, dear. They are sweet. Which is which?

      VERNON [laughs]. Upon my word, I never can tell.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Vernon! And you know I was always your favourite!

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Dear!

      VERNON. Then this is Aunt Alice.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. No dear, Edith.

      [Vernon throws up his hands in despair. They all laugh.]

      FANNY. I think I shall dress you differently; put you in blue and you in pink. [She laughs.] Is this the drawing-room?

      VERNON. Your room, dear.

      FANNY. I like a room where one can stretch one’s legs. [She walks across it.] A little too much desk [referring to a massive brass-bound desk, facing the three windows].

      THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It belonged to the elder Pitt.

      FANNY. Um! Suppose we must find a corner for it somewhere. That’s a good picture.

      THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It is by Hoppner.

      FANNY. One of your artist friends?

      VERNON. Well – you see, dear, that’s СКАЧАТЬ