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      Some o’ you nicely ken the laws,

      To round the period an’ pause,

      An’ wi’ rhetorie clause on clause

      To mak harangues:

      Then echo thro’ Saint Stephen’s wa’s

      Auld Scotland’s wrangs.

      Dempster, a true blue Scot I’se warran’;

      Thee, aith-detesting, chaste Kilkerran;[46]

      An’ that glib-gabbet Highland baron,

      The Laird o’ Graham;[47]

      An’ ane, a chap that’s damn’d auldfarren,

      Dundas his name.

      Erskine, a spunkie Norland billie;

      True Campbells, Frederick an’ Hay;

      An’ Livingstone, the bauld Sir Willie:

      An’ monie ithers,

      Whom auld Demosthenes or Tully

      Might own for brithers.

      Arouse, my boys! exert your mettle,

      To get auld Scotland back her kettle:

      Or faith! I’ll wad my new pleugh-pettle,

      Ye’ll see’t or lang,

      She’ll teach you, wi’ a reekin’ whittle,

      Anither sang.

      This while she’s been in crankous mood,

      Her lost militia fir’d her bluid;

      (Deil na they never mair do guid,

      Play’d her that pliskie!)

      An’ now she’s like to rin red-wud

      About her whiskey.

      An’ L—d, if once they pit her till’t,

      Her tartan petticoat she’ll kilt,

      An’ durk an’ pistol at her belt,

      She’ll tak the streets,

      An’ rin her whittle to the hilt,

      I’ th’ first she meets!

      For God sake, sirs, then speak her fair,

      An’ straik her cannie wi’ the hair,

      An’ to the muckle house repair,

      Wi’ instant speed,

      An’ strive, wi’ a’ your wit and lear,

      To get remead.

      Yon ill-tongu’d tinkler, Charlie Fox,

      May taunt you wi’ his jeers an’ mocks;

      But gie him’t het, my hearty cocks!

      E’en cowe the cadie!

      An’ send him to his dicing box,

      An’ sportin’ lady.

      Tell yon guid bluid o’ auld Boconnock’s

      I’ll be his debt twa mashlum bonnocks,

      An’ drink his health in auld Nanse Tinnock’s[48]

      Nine times a-week,

      If he some scheme, like tea an’ winnocks,

      Wad kindly seek.

      Could he some commutation broach,

      I’ll pledge my aith in guid braid Scotch,

      He need na fear their foul reproach

      Nor erudition,

      Yon mixtie-maxtie queer hotch-potch,

      The Coalition.

      Auld Scotland has a raucle tongue;

      She’s just a devil wi’ a rung;

      An’ if she promise auld or young

      To tak their part,

      Tho’ by the neck she should be strung,

      She’ll no desert.

      An’ now, ye chosen Five-and-Forty,

      May still your mither’s heart support ye,

      Then, though a minister grow dorty,

      An’ kick your place,

      Ye’ll snap your fingers, poor an’ hearty,

      Before his face.

      God bless your honours a’ your days,

      Wi’ sowps o’ kail and brats o’ claise,

      In spite o’ a’ the thievish kaes,

      That haunt St. Jamie’s:

      Your humble Poet signs an’ prays

      While Rab his name is.

      POSTSCRIPT

      Let half-starv’d slaves in warmer skies

      See future wines, rich clust’ring, rise;

      Their lot auld Scotland ne’er envies,

      But blythe and frisky,

      She eyes her freeborn, martial boys,

      Tak aff their whiskey.

      What tho’ their Phœbus kinder warms,

      While fragrance blooms and beauty charms!

      When wretches range, in famish’d swarms,

      The scented groves,

      Or hounded forth, dishonour arms

      In hungry droves.

      Their gun’s a burden on their shouther;

      They downa bide the stink o’ powther;

      Their bauldest thought’s a’ hank’ring swither

      To stan’ or rin,

      Till skelp—a shot—they’re aff, a’ throther

      To save their skin.

      But bring a Scotsman frae his hill,

      Clap in his check a Highland gill,

      Say, such is royal George’s will,

      An’ there’s the foe,

      He has nae thought but how to kill

      Twa at a blow.

      Nae could faint-hearted doubtings tease him;

      Death comes, wi’ fearless eye he sees him;

      Wi’ bluidy han’ a welcome gies him;

      An’ when he fa’s,

      His latest draught o’ breathin’ lea’es him

      In faint huzzas!

      Sages their solemn een may steek,

      An’ raise a philosophic reek,

      An’ physically causes seek,

      In clime an’ season;

      But tell me whiskey’s name in Greek,

      I’ll tell the reason.

      Scotland, my auld, respected mither!

      Tho’ whiles ye moistify your leather,

      Till whare ye sit, on craps o’ heather

      Ye tine your dam;

      Freedom and whiskey gang thegither!—

      Tak aff your dram!

      XXXIX. ADDRESS TO THE UNCO GUID, OR THE RIGIDLY RIGHTEOUS

      “My son, these maxims make a rule,