Emotional Competence. Dagmar Rudel-Steinbauer

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ how this unity works, imagine the reaction plans in the brain or in the amygdala.⁵ In these plans, the different groups of commands are issued to the body; e.g. with anger and rage, the muscles are tense and blood pressure rises, blood circulation increases which results in a red face or skin and produces more sweat.

      That these emotions and emotional stress can have a permanent harmful effect on the body is evident in the list of psychosomatic diseases. Many medical studies demonstrate the longstanding damage on the heart and circulatory system resulting in years of unresolved feelings such as anger. According to this study, even 5 minutes of anger can negatively influence the circulatory system.⁶

      Many popular expressions demonstrate this cooperation of body and emotions: to “break one´s heart”, to “make one´s blood boil”, it “sits heavily on somebody’s stomach”.

      We feel something, our body recognizes this and our language expresses it. The amazing thing is that many people (I think too many people) do not understand the language of their own body or ignore their bodies´ signals. It may be that they do not feel these signals, are imperceptible to these signs, have forgotten how to be aware of these or no longer know how to feel.

      What are Feelings and Emotions?

      “One can unconsciously have much knowledge, when one feels but does not know it.”

      Fjodor Michailowitsch Dostojewski, Russian writer (1821-1881)

      Feelings and emotions are often colloquially given the same definition or are confused. In this book, I also do not want to make a big difference between these two words. In my opinion, the two words “feeling” and “emotion” are as similar or as related as vacation/holiday or noodles/pasta.

      Scientifically, the difference between feelings and emotions can be explained in the following way:

      Emotion is a very complex process, which affects different mental but also psychological levels and represents something primary and permanent. Emotion (Lat. ex: out and motion: movement) is thus a process which is triggered through a conscious or unconscious perception.

      Feelings are rather a subjective experience of the emotion; in a manner of speaking: the side effect of an emotion. Feelings can be identified as the complex affective component of human experience. It can be manifested through different forms such as pleasure-displeasure, love-dislike etc. Müller-Commichau⁷ describe feelings as following:” Generally feelings are the part of the “I” that has different senses that are called feelings- as can be evaluated by others, when one is a part of something, may it be only for a fraction of a second.”

      Try to think of honey or of rock climbing in climbing. Depending on if you like honey or have no fear of heights, you may like it or maybe even take much pleasure in it. A person that does not like honey or has had a bad experience with heights will experience negative feelings.

      Therefore, even though we connect them with rational thinking, feelings are actually subjective and are a result of personal experience and views.

      We give a personal value to each of the impressions we collect in the course of our lives. In this way, we determined how this experience will influence our further actions and feelings.

      Thus, it can be that the word “work” is seen as something pleasant or even fulfilling, as very positive; maybe this person has finally found work after having been unemployed for a long time, after a long sick leave or this person has found their dream job. For other people, the same word can be connected to a burdensome feeling resulting from a bad work atmosphere, an underpaid or demanding job. The same word is assessed differently because of the different feelings brought on through this word. An emotional marker is developed through the rational part of a message, a word or situation influenced and manifested through a feeling.

      Emotional Markers

      “Our life is what our thoughts make of it.”

      Marcus Aurelius, Roman king and philosopher (121-180 A.D.)

      Our emotional markers develop individually during the course of our life according to our personal perceptions, experience and individual feelings. These emotional markers stay with us our whole life and give us orientation daily. Thus, we do not need to examine every situation anew since we have already had this experience and have memorized the related feelings.

      It is important to accept that this is our personal and thus subjective assessment, which is also very individual. It may be that a friend feels the same as we do in some situations. However, just as often, we will find that other people feel quite differently. To accept and to allow this is an important part to promote one’s own emotional competence.

      On the contrary, the different feelings of our counterpart should give us reason to examine our emotions and see if we are reacting in a suitable way to the things, situations or words involved.

      In the same manner, we should always examine our cognitive knowledge to complete it or to exchange it for new knowledge. A good example for this is an example from our technical daily life: you probably are no longer working on one of the first computers. You probably have a laptop with the newest programs, maybe even an iPad, an iPhone you write e-mail instead of letters and google information instead of ordering a pamphlet with new information. You did not hesitate to throw out old technology to replace it with the new.

      When was the last time that you thought about your memories and renewed your emotional capacity?

      In a normal lifestyle, examining our feelings happens more often without even thinking about it. (Women will maybe understand this example more than men will. I just ask of the men to think about this example).

      Women friends (maybe even men friends) often tell each other their emotional worries or what has made us angry and in this way, we are asking their opinion about the situation. When this is a good friend, this person will understand your feelings, maybe they will even agree with you. It may even be possible, that this person will tell you that you are right and will support you and reinforce your emotion.

      When this is an even better friend, this person will also tell you if they think that you are wrong in your assessment of the situation. She referrers to her personal emotional marker, which helps you, examine your own. As the same is true for our emotional being as for our rational being. We need to examine our emotions as accepted or not acceptable, as appropriate or inappropriate. Just as false information can lead us to bad decisions, false emotions can also lead us astray.

      Unfortunately, this process is often underestimated even though it could take place daily in an autodidact learning process. On the contrary, some friendships end because our counterpart does not feel or think the same way and conflicts start because we do not feel accepted.

      Food for Thought and Exercise

       How do we react when someone doesn´t think or feel the same as we do?

       Which emotions occur in this situation?

       Which emotional marker have you registered? (Which situation do you connect with this emotion?)

       Do you recognize when your emotions are not appropriate? Can you correct them?

      Competence

      “Humanity and social competence cannot be studied.

      Justus Vogt (*1958), thinking living and living thinker

      The СКАЧАТЬ