Emotional Competence. Dagmar Rudel-Steinbauer

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      Likewise, I had the impression that conflicts took place because of the lack of ability for maintaining social interaction, as well as not knowing one´s breaking point and the inability to regulate and motivate oneself.

      These four areas are what emotional competence is all about:

       To have vigilance for myself and my emotions

       To have vigilance towards others

       To have vigilance for relationships and common interaction

       Ability to regulate one´s own emotions and motivation to act accordingly

      The ability to recognize emotions and to deal with them accordingly is not to be underestimated. In this way, emotional competence plays a very important role, if not the most important role – as expressed by Saint Exupéry in the introduction.

      There are many very good books about emotional competence. But I found that they lacked ideas how to increase one´s own emotional competence. In this book, I also want to give guidelines and suggestions that can support the promotion of emotional competences. I developed these guidelines from my personal experiences in coaching, training and adult education courses. Clearly, they can only be suggestions. How intensively you will follow them is your own decision. Furthermore, the application is dependent on your own experience and what focus you want to place on developing your own fountain of success.

      I would be happy to hear from you if you have questions, suggestions or thoughts which you want to share with me:

      E-mail address: [email protected]

       3 The Cooperation of Emotion, Mind and Body

      “Emotion is the living mother of the entire spirit.”

      Friedrich Theodor von Vischer, German philosopher (1807–1887)

      To understand emotional competence and thus to understand how emotions affects our lives, we need to think about how we function as human beings. Actually, it is quite simple:

      We think, feel and act automatically, without having to think too much about how the process takes place. We have control of a wonderful network of emotions, understanding and body in which thoughts are linked with emotions, emotions link themselves to behavior and our behavior links itself to bodily activity or functions.

      The human emotional center is not in the stomach, as many had believed, but in the brain, exactly in the emotional center of the brain, called the gyrus cinguli, amygdala and insula¹. This emotional center is directly connected to the pre-frontal brain (center of intelligence/rational thinking).

      Brain research has already given us the insight that our emotional center is activated when we make an analytical- rational or cognitive decision.

      The emotional center and the cerebral cortex memorize occurrences independently but also function in parallel.

      This can be seen in a simple example: should the eye register information e.g. sees a snake, this information will be processed first of all by the eye and then will be forwarded in a switching reaction through the thalamus to the emotional center as well as to the visual cortex. Both will compare this information with an earlier experience and then cause a reaction. These reactions are different from person to person. Therefore, these reactions could be one of the following:

      Rational reaction: “run away”.

      Emotional reaction: the feeling of “fear” arises.

      As we see in this simple example, the interaction of the rational and emotional can actually be used in every different situation. Thus, human activity cannot be reduced to simple logic-analytical competences. In fact, the emotions react faster than the logic, more precisely: emotional processes operate faster, thinking processes operate more accurately.

      A typical example: how often do we overreact emotionally e.g in anger or hurt, and say hurtful things to the person that we feel has spoken out of turn. Later on, as soon as our logic has been activated, we regret what we have said.

      Our emotional System

      “People are not disturbed by things but by the view they have of them.”

      Epiktet, Greek philosopher (about 50–125 A.D.)

      We have an emotional system, a very distinctive network, which acts as a connection between emotions and understanding. In the course of a life, each human being builds up their own special network, which functions as a circle; thoughts are linked with emotions, emotions are linked with thoughts. Emotions color or influence our impressions and our impressions are colored by our emotions.²

      The view or meaning we give to different occurrences, combined with our feelings are very individual for each one of us. Each person has his or her own system of evaluation³ that develops and manifests itself through conscious or unconscious perceptions and opinions. When something has been evaluated, this evaluation is stored in our mind.

      Thus it can happen and will happen that in situations that we have cognitively experienced previously, we automatically connect them and recall feelings from a former situation.

      This can be disastrous, as an emotional bias can occur and new feelings cannot develop. Even when the overall conditions are different as, for example, when dealing with another person.

      A simple example: assuming you have had a bad experience with a police officer who did not treat you right during a traffic control. What will be your reaction when you see a person in a police officer´s uniform or have a traffic check weeks, months or even years later? Your whole individual ratio-feeling network will be activated and the feelings that you experienced the last time will be recalled, possibly with the necessity of resistance and defense, until the current officer, being nice and polite, tells you that your right headlight is not working.

      In many daily situations, our emotional network can be inhibiting. Unintentionally, we fall back on old familiar patterns and thus build up our own, not only rational but also emotional reality. Thereby, we are our own worst enemy because we do not let ourselves feel anew and evaluate situations for themselves.

      Let us look at this in a sport´s setting: as a golf player, you may have one hole on the whole course where you happen to have difficulties. Alone the thought that you cannot manage this hole, cannot get over the pond or are always out of bounds cause anxious feelings every time you are in an aiming position. This anxiety cramps you, which affects your muscles and the whole energy flow of the body. This results in a bad shot. Again one has had difficulties at this hole, you were again proven right, namely that you have problems with this hole. We fall back on old patterns, although a new pattern of thinking, new feelings could make us successful.

      Through evolution, we know that body, emotion and mind can be seen as one unity.⁴

      This system can be equally observed with humans as well as with animals. It is a sort of alarm system, which signals change (internal or external) and causes an appropriate reaction. This is what happens with the feeling of hunger (emotion): most of the time our stomach growls (body), our mind tells us that we need nourishment and so the unity body, mind and emotion has been established.

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