Collected Works. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

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СКАЧАТЬ is incorruptible when his officer is looking. I must carry your word to Caesar.

      CLEOPATRA (who has been meditating among the carpets). Are these carpets very heavy?

      APOLLODORUS. It matters not how heavy. There are plenty of porters.

      CLEOPATRA. How do they put the carpets into boats? Do they throw them down?

      APOLLODORUS. Not into small boats, majesty. It would sink them.

      CLEOPATRA. Not into that man’s boat, for instance? (Pointing to the boatman.)

      APOLLODORUS. No. Too small.

      CLEOPATRA. But you can take a carpet to Caesar in it if I send one?

      APOLLODORUS. Assuredly.

      CLEOPATRA. And you will have it carried gently down the steps and take great care of it?

      APOLLODORUS. Depend on me.

      CLEOPATRA. Great, great care?

      APOLLODORUS. More than of my own body.

      CLEOPATRA. You will promise me not to let the porters drop it or throw it about?

      APOLLODORUS. Place the most delicate glass goblet in the palace in the heart of the roll, Queen; and if it be broken, my head shall pay for it.

      CLEOPATRA. Good. Come, Ftatateeta. (Ftatateeta comes to her. Apollodorus offers to squire them into the palace.) No, Apollodorus, you must not come. I will choose a carpet for myself. You must wait here. (She runs into the palace.)

      APOLLODORUS (to the porters). Follow this lady (indicating Ftatateeta); and obey her.

      The porters rise and take up their bales.

      FTATATEETA (addressing the porters as if they were vermin). This way. And take your shoes off before you put your feet on those stairs.

      She goes in, followed by the porters with the carpets. Meanwhile Apollodorus goes to the edge of the quay and looks out over the harbor. The sentinels keep their eyes on him malignantly.

      APOLLODORUS (addressing the sentinel). My friend——

      SENTINEL (rudely). Silence there.

      FIRST AUXILIARY. Shut your muzzle, you.

      SECOND AUXILIARY (in a half whisper, glancing apprehensively towards the north end of the quay). Can’t you wait a bit?

      APOLLODORUS. Patience, worthy three-headed donkey. (They mutter ferociously; but he is not at all intimidated.) Listen: were you set here to watch me, or to watch the Egyptians?

      SENTINEL. We know our duty.

      APOLLODORUS. Then why don’t you do it? There’s something going on over there. (Pointing southwestward to the mole.)

      SENTINEL (sulkily). I do not need to be told what to do by the like of you.

      APOLLODORUS. Blockhead. (He begins shouting) Ho there, Centurion. Hoiho!

      SENTINEL. Curse your meddling. (Shouting) Hoiho! Alarm! Alarm!

      FIRST AND SECOND AUXILIARIES. Alarm! alarm! Hoiho!

      The Centurion comes running in with his guard.

      CENTURION. What now? Has the old woman attacked you again? (Seeing Apollodorus) Are you here still?

      APOLLODORUS (pointing as before). See there. The Egyptians are moving. They are going to recapture the Pharos. They will attack by sea and land: by land along the great mole; by sea from the west harbor. Stir yourselves, my military friends: the hunt is up. (A clangor of trumpets from several points along the quay.) Aha! I told you so.

      CENTURION (quickly). The two extra men pass the alarm to the south posts. One man keep guard here. The rest with me—quick.

      The two auxiliary sentinels run off to the south. The Centurion and his guard run off northward; and immediately afterwards the bucina sounds. The four porters come from the palace carrying a carpet, followed by Ftatateeta.

      SENTINEL (handling his pilum apprehensively). You again! (The porters stop.)

      FTATATEETA. Peace, Roman fellow: you are now single-handed. Apollodorus: this carpet is Cleopatra’s present to Caesar. It has rolled up in it ten precious goblets of the thinnest Iberian crystal, and a hundred eggs of the sacred blue pigeon. On your honor, let not one of them be broken.

      APOLLODORUS. On my head be it. (To the porters) Into the boat with them carefully.

      The porters carry the carpet to the steps.

      FIRST PORTER (looking down at the boat). Beware what you do, sir. Those eggs of which the lady speaks must weigh more than a pound apiece. This boat is too small for such a load.

      BOATMAN (excitedly rushing up the steps). Oh thou injurious porter! Oh thou unnatural son of a she-camel! (To Apollodorus) My boat, sir, hath often carried five men. Shall it not carry your lordship and a bale of pigeons’ eggs? (To the porter) Thou mangey dromedary, the gods shall punish thee for this envious wickedness.

      FIRST PORTER (stolidly). I cannot quit this bale now to beat thee; but another day I will lie in wait for thee.

      APPOLODORUS (going between them). Peace there. If the boat were but a single plank, I would get to Caesar on it.

      FTATATEETA (anxiously). In the name of the gods, Apollodorus, run no risks with that bale.

      APOLLODORUS. Fear not, thou venerable grotesque: I guess its great worth. (To the porters) Down with it, I say; and gently; or ye shall eat nothing but stick for ten days.

      The boatman goes down the steps, followed by the porters with the bale: Ftatateeta and Apollodorus watching from the edge.

      APOLLODORUS. Gently, my sons, my children—(with sudden alarm) gently, ye dogs. Lay it level in the stern—so—’tis well.

      FTATATEETA (screaming down at one of the porters). Do not step on it, do not step on it. Oh thou brute beast!

      FIRST PORTER (ascending). Be not excited, mistress: all is well.

      FTATATEETA (panting). All well! Oh, thou hast given my heart a turn! (She clutches her side, gasping.)

      The four porters have now come up and are waiting at the stairhead to be paid.

      APOLLODORUS. Here, ye hungry ones. (He gives money to the first porter, who holds it in his hand to shew to the others. They crowd greedily to see how much it is, quite prepared, after the Eastern fashion, to protest to heaven against their patron’s stinginess. But his liberality overpowers them.)

      FIRST PORTER. O bounteous prince!

      SECOND PORTER. O lord of the bazaar!

      THIRD СКАЧАТЬ