The Greatest Works of D. H. Lawrence. D. H. Lawrence

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ other's face clouded again.

      “I'm goin' in no convalescent home,” he said.

      “My father's been in the one at Seathorpe, an' he liked it. Dr. Ansell would get you a recommend.”

      Dawes lay thinking. It was evident he dared not face the world again.

      “The seaside would be all right just now,” Morel said. “Sun on those sandhills, and the waves not far out.”

      The other did not answer.

      “By Gad!” Paul concluded, too miserable to bother much; “it's all right when you know you're going to walk again, and swim!”

      Dawes glanced at him quickly. The man's dark eyes were afraid to meet any other eyes in the world. But the real misery and helplessness in Paul's tone gave him a feeling of relief.

      “Is she far gone?” he asked.

      “She's going like wax,” Paul answered; “but cheerful—lively!”

      He bit his lip. After a minute he rose.

      “Well, I'll be going,” he said. “I'll leave you this half-crown.”

      “I don't want it,” Dawes muttered.

      Morel did not answer, but left the coin on the table.

      “Well,” he said, “I'll try and run in when I'm back in Sheffield. Happen you might like to see my brother-in-law? He works in Pyecrofts.”

      “I don't know him,” said Dawes.

      “He's all right. Should I tell him to come? He might bring you some papers to look at.”

      The other man did not answer. Paul went. The strong emotion that Dawes aroused in him, repressed, made him shiver.

      He did not tell his mother, but next day he spoke to Clara about this interview. It was in the dinner-hour. The two did not often go out together now, but this day he asked her to go with him to the Castle grounds. There they sat while the scarlet geraniums and the yellow calceolarias blazed in the sunlight. She was now always rather protective, and rather resentful towards him.

      “Did you know Baxter was in Sheffield Hospital with typhoid?” he asked.

      She looked at him with startled grey eyes, and her face went pale.

      “No,” she said, frightened.

      “He's getting better. I went to see him yesterday—the doctor told me.”

      Clara seemed stricken by the news.

      “Is he very bad?” she asked guiltily.

      “He has been. He's mending now.”

      “What did he say to you?”

      “Oh, nothing! He seems to be sulking.”

      There was a distance between the two of them. He gave her more information.

      She went about shut up and silent. The next time they took a walk together, she disengaged herself from his arm, and walked at a distance from him. He was wanting her comfort badly.

      “Won't you be nice with me?” he asked.

      She did not answer.

      “What's the matter?” he said, putting his arm across her shoulder.

      “Don't!” she said, disengaging herself.

      He left her alone, and returned to his own brooding.

      “Is it Baxter that upsets you?” he asked at length.

      “I HAVE been VILE to him!” she said.

      “I've said many a time you haven't treated him well,” he replied.

      And there was a hostility between them. Each pursued his own train of thought.

      “I've treated him—no, I've treated him badly,” she said. “And now you treat ME badly. It serves me right.”

      “How do I treat you badly?” he said.

      “It serves me right,” she repeated. “I never considered him worth having, and now you don't consider ME. But it serves me right. He loved me a thousand times better than you ever did.”

      “He didn't!” protested Paul.

      “He did! At any rate, he did respect me, and that's what you don't do.”

      “It looked as if he respected you!” he said.

      “He did! And I MADE him horrid—I know I did! You've taught me that. And he loved me a thousand times better than ever you do.”

      “All right,” said Paul.

      He only wanted to be left alone now. He had his own trouble, which was almost too much to bear. Clara only tormented him and made him tired. He was not sorry when he left her.

      She went on the first opportunity to Sheffield to see her husband. The meeting was not a success. But she left him roses and fruit and money. She wanted to make restitution. It was not that she loved him. As she looked at him lying there her heart did not warm with love. Only she wanted to humble herself to him, to kneel before him. She wanted now to be self-sacrificial. After all, she had failed to make Morel really love her. She was morally frightened. She wanted to do penance. So she kneeled to Dawes, and it gave him a subtle pleasure. But the distance between them was still very great—too great. It frightened the man. It almost pleased the woman. She liked to feel she was serving him across an insuperable distance. She was proud now.

      Morel went to see Dawes once or twice. There was a sort of friendship between the two men, who were all the while deadly rivals. But they never mentioned the woman who was between them.

      Mrs. Morel got gradually worse. At first they used to carry her downstairs, sometimes even into the garden. She sat propped in her chair, smiling, and so pretty. The gold wedding-ring shone on her white hand; her hair was carefully brushed. And she watched the tangled sunflowers dying, the chrysanthemums coming out, and the dahlias.

      Paul and she were afraid of each other. He knew, and she knew, that she was dying. But they kept up a pretence of cheerfulness. Every morning, when he got up, he went into her room in his pyjamas.

      “Did you sleep, my dear?” he asked.

      “Yes,” she answered.

      “Not very well?”

      “Well, yes!”

      Then he knew she had lain awake. He saw her hand under the bedclothes, pressing the place on her side where the pain was.

      “Has it been bad?” he asked.

      “No. It hurt a bit, but nothing to mention.”

      And she sniffed СКАЧАТЬ