Windows of Opportunities. Heinrich Psscht
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Название: Windows of Opportunities
Автор: Heinrich Psscht
Издательство: Издательские решения
Жанр: Юмор: прочее
isbn: 9785005334503
isbn:
– I have been longing to ask…
– You may ask now, Hans, just hurry up, he has already started speaking!
– Do you understand what he is saying?
– What sort of question is that, Hans? He speaks the same language as you and me, normally you are to comprehend every word he says.
– I can understand every word, sir, each one individually, but I just can’t grasp the meaning…
– Don’t you get that “it is necessary to promote flight safety in every possible way, but the effectiveness of mission planning is the key to our success, and our task, among other things, is”…
– No, I got that, sir!
– So, what is it then, Hans?
– But he will be mumbling it for 3 hours!
– To be exact 3 hours 23 minutes, Hans!
– Without a lunch break, sir!
– Why does it surprise you? The robot is speaking for him in his own voice!
– Who writes the text?
– Nobody does, Hans! The text is compiled by the System automatically!
– But why, sir!
– For you to listen!
– Don’t they understand that we aren’t listening to them?
– They understand it all! Moreover, they understand that we understand that they understand!
– That we don’t watch or listen, sir?
– We’re listening alright, Hans! That is why you are so bored. We are stewing in our own juice while they just add some spices to it. But your brain catches everything! The incoming voice for this is modulated in a special way. We are sure to answer test questions at the end, so don’t get too distracted.
– You mean to say that I can remember that “it is necessary to promote flight safety in every possible way, and the effectiveness of mission planning is the key to their success, and our task, among other things, is”… ah, damn it!
– That’s right, Hans, exactly, and, word for word!
– Are we doomed forever? Will this stuff get stuck in my head and keep buzzing just like it is now: “it is necessary to promote flight safety in every possible way”…
– Of course not! What’s the matter with you, Hans! Some kind of panic attack stained with misanthropy! You will soon forget most of this crap! So will I, fortunately! It will lower into your subconsciousness in the form of a set of instincts. You should realize this, you are a biologist by specialization…
– I beg your pardon, sir! Serving the system, sir!
– Come on, Hans, our life is meaningless unless we can have some fun in every way, even during this lecture. So, let’s have some fun and take it easy!
Questions
– Sir, I’m itching to ask you!
– What have you got this time, Hans?
– I’ve read somewhere about the planes of the old days…
– A good beginning!
– The trick was such: if the landing meters failed, the pilots poured water into a glass and landed the plane along the slope made by water!
– It’s very stimulating, Hans. But in our case it won’t help: as in zero gravity, water will fly around the cabin in drops of different forms and sizes, and if an artificial gravity is turned on, then it could be directed to any point. And how do you determine which is which: the top or the bottom? So, it’s entertaining, but useless! The same peculiar method may be used to determine air pressure in the ship with a condom!
– Gee! How is it done, sir?
– You’ll have to inflate it, Hans, and watch its size.
– The size is marked on the package, sir!
– Not inflated size, Hans, I’ll show you the gag if you find the thing on the ship! What’s the matter with you, Hans? You’ve frozen still strangely!
– Our ship, sir!
– Not again! What about it?
– It’s working so far, sir, but I’m worried about what may happen if the engine breaks down?
– What an evil thought, Hans! Didn’t you check the engines before takeoff?
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