The Deadline. KiKi Swinson

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      When he dumped out more drugs, the hairs on my skin stood up. I felt my entire body tense up; somewhere in my little brain I sensed danger. Call it our bond or instinct, but in that moment I knew something bad would happen. I had told myself I needed to run in and save her, but I froze. I couldn’t move, as if my feet had grown roots into the carpet. The man had a small pile of the drugs ready for my mother again.

      “Don’t be scared, sexy. Just take it in and forget all of your troubles. This shit here works wonders,” the man had said, smiling wickedly at my mother. I had seen the Devil himself in that moment. My mother was laughing, but I knew better. It wasn’t happy laughter. I didn’t have a good gut feeling about it, but I couldn’t move. I watched in horror as my mother bent down and inhaled like she had no cares in the world.

      “Yeah, baby!” The man grinned, urging my mother on. “This is what is going to take you away from all of your troubles. This is your new daddy. I’m telling you, sexy . . . you will never be the same after this shit. Just like my man Drago said, we can use half the amount and get doubly as high. This is that premium shit, baby. You going to love me forever for showing you this shit here,” the man was saying as my mother took yet another large inhale of the drug. She was giggling the whole time, like she was giddy as hell.

      “Let’s go. You’re going to experience more happiness than you’ve ever known. Get your mind right and have a good time. You can’t walk around worrying about shit all of the time. Life is for living, and this shit here is for taking!” The man kept up his pep talk.

      “Yes! Life is for living while you have it,” my mother sang.

      I flared my nostrils and breathed in. I was holding my breath. My head felt swimmy and I wanted to scream. I felt buried alive in my own body, and, boy, this was a horrible feeling.

      My mother sniffed again. This time she reacted like someone had slammed a hammer into her chest. I had watched in horror as she stumbled backward. She immediately threw her hand up over her nose, and tears leaked out of her eyes. She held on to the sides of her head as if she were trying to stop some kind of pain or slow her mind. The man was laughing hysterically at my mother’s reaction.

      “Oh, shit. What the fuck?” my mother grumbled as she shook her head. Within seconds she was moving as if she were floating. Then, out of nowhere, she was back to happy and giddy. She stumbled around, trying to find a seat. Finally she slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs.

      “I see light . . . a lot of light. All colors,” my mother had slurred, her head moving around slowly. Her lips curled into a smile, but it wasn’t a happy smile.

      I was seeing that my mother had no control over her own body parts. One minute she would barely be able to stand, and the next she’d leap up for a few seconds, singing and dancing and jumping around. She’d flop back down into the chair and stop moving for a while. She looked like she couldn’t move, even if she wanted. My mother hung on to the chair for dear life, because every few seconds she looked like she thought she’d fall. Her mouth was moving, but she wasn’t saying anything.

      Seeing her like that had truly broken my heart. My eyes had filled with tears and I contemplated going to wake up Kyle. I knew he’d probably rush in and save my mother. But again, for some reason I was stuck, unable to move. I blamed myself silently, yet I still couldn’t stop watching.

      My mother waved her hand at the man as he dumped another small mound onto his hand. In my head I was screaming, “Mommy, don’t do it!” But my mouth wouldn’t move.

      “I love it, I love it, I loooovve it,” my mother sang. I couldn’t believe her. But I watched as she deeply inhaled yet another little mountain of drugs through her nose. Her reaction was instantaneous.

      “Agh!” my mother belted out. She bent over at the waist for a few seconds. That’s how powerful whatever she sniffed was. Then she stumbled around, took another small amount of the drugs, and placed it up against her nostrils again. She opened her arms wide, like she was about to try to fly. She started spinning around and around, looking like a child playing the get-dizzy game. My heart was pounding as though I had run miles and miles at top speed.

      I watched as my mother spun around in front of me. Sweat poured down the sides of my mother’s face. Finally she had worn herself down until her body finally collapsed to the floor. My mouth opened, but I couldn’t scream. I suddenly felt like I was suspended in the air.

      “Help me,” my mother gasped. “I can’t see. The light . . . the light is clouding my eyes,” she continued, squeezing her eyes shut. “Help me!” she screamed out.

      The next thing I saw was some unknown force moving her body like she was being electrocuted. I suddenly felt a cold breeze whipping around me. I remember shivering, but I was unable to cover myself with my hands.

      “Ay! C’mon, get up,” the man shouted at my mother, using his foot to kick at her body as it jerked violently.

      I didn’t know if she was dying or what, but suddenly I was able to move and I rushed out of my hiding spot. I was plastered to her side, screaming, “Mama! Mama! What’s wrong?” I felt like throwing up, but nothing came up. She was not inside her body, which was painfully clear now. Now I knew what people meant when they said, when you die, the soul leaves.

      From my view my mother was dead in that moment. She was sprawled haphazardly on the floor. Her beautiful legs were splayed in an awkward position that looked like it hurt really bad. “Mama! Wake up!” I hollered. When her body stopped jerking, she resembled one of my broken Barbie dolls. As for me, I felt the pee leaving my bladder from my nerves.

      “Mama!” I screeched. She had gone still and was lying flat on her back. Her mouth hung open, her eyes were wide, staring straight up at nothing, and her hair lay around her like a death shroud.

      “Get up, Mama! Get up!” I was screaming, but nothing happened. I was stuck on that floor, looking at my mother, but she lay on the floor stiff. I wouldn’t leave her side to go get Kyle. I was praying he would wake up from my screams. I couldn’t breathe, and that throbbing in my heart had already stopped. I couldn’t help my mother or myself. I was powerless and I couldn’t wake her. I looked around, and the bastard that got her like this was nowhere to be found. I wondered if he had a conscience and was regretting giving my mother the drugs.

      It was useless to keep screaming. We no longer had a phone in our house. I didn’t know if I was going to be stuck there forever, or if someone would eventually find us. I definitely wasn’t leaving her. The feeling of powerlessness was one that I had never experienced before and the one that I couldn’t understand then and probably would never be able to speak about again.

      “Mama, you can’t go. You can’t go,” I cried, placing my head on her chest. After that, I just remembered a flurry of activity and suddenly Kyle was there. The last thing I remember thinking was, if she lives, I will make her proud, and I will never, ever use drugs in my life.

      * * *

      Kyle suddenly blew out some more smoke and snapped me out of that nightmarish memory of watching my mother overdose. I shrugged off the thoughts about him and his drugs. I figured, to each his own. And if after what we went through, he still didn’t care about what drugs could do to his life, who was I to tell him? I’d done all of that when we were teenagers. The counselors we went to as kids and teens had said both of us would have our own coping mechanisms as we grew up. If nothing else they said was true, that statement definitely was. Kyle and I had chosen different ways to cope with all of the СКАЧАТЬ