All Our Tomorrows. Irene Hannon

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СКАЧАТЬ That I kept him stable through the storms of life. After I gave this to him, he never took it off. He said it was his good luck charm.”

      Her voice choked on the last word, and David swallowed hard. No doubt they were sharing the same thought: that he hadn’t been so lucky the day he’d gone to the marketplace.

      “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you for two years, Caroline. I’m sure you know that Michael and I argued about Mom the night before he was…before he died. And that our relationship had been strained for several weeks. You have every right to put at least some of the blame for his death on me. I know he was upset when we talked. And I’m sure he was distracted when he went out on that assignment the next day. I lived with the guilt for almost two years, and even though I found some measure of peace about it after a great deal of prayer, I suspect it will always be with me to some degree. I just want you to know how sorry I am. And that I hope you can find it in your heart someday to forgive me.”

      The regret and anguish on David’s face mirrored that in her heart. Yet she knew hers was far more deserved. That she was even more culpable than the man across from her. No one else was aware of that, though. She’d never spoken to anyone of the part she had played in Michael’s death. But now that she realized the depth of David’s distress, had glimpsed the burden of pain that weighed down his heart as he shouldered all the blame, she couldn’t in good conscience keep her role a secret from him. It wouldn’t be honest. Or moral. She might not agree with the steps he’d taken, against Michael’s wishes, to institutionalize their mother, but she couldn’t let him continue to think that he alone was at fault for the tragedy.

      Gripping the medallion in a tight fist, Caroline rose. When she spoke, her voice was taut with tension. “The guilt isn’t all yours, David. Or even mostly yours.”

      “What do you mean?” He sent her a puzzled look.

      She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. “Michael shouldn’t have been in the marketplace that day. It was supposed to be me. I was working on a hot story, but I got sick. He volunteered to meet my contact for me.” Her face contorted with anguish, and when she continued her voice was a mere whisper. “I was the one who should have been killed by the suicide bomber.”

      A shock wave passed through David as he digested Caroline’s revelation—and tried to comprehend its ramifications. Somewhere, in a far corner of his mind, he realized that her confession had absolved him from a portion of the blame for the tragedy, and he felt a subtle easing of the guilt that had burdened his heart for two years. But in the forefront of his consciousness was the realization that for those same two years the woman across from him had borne a burden even greater than his on her slender shoulders. The man she loved had done her a favor, had taken her place and he’d been killed. He’d thought his guilt had been wrenching. How much more intense it must have been for Caroline, who lived now because Michael had died.

      The devastated look on her face bore that out and twisted his gut into a painful knot.

      “I’m sorry, Caroline.” The words were wholly inadequate, but he didn’t know what else to say.

      “I’m the one who’s sorry,” she whispered. “You have every right to hate me.”

      “How can I hate you for getting sick?”

      “Because I shouldn’t have let that stop me. I still should have gone. It was my responsibility, not Michael’s.”

      “How sick were you?”

      She shrugged. “Pretty sick. I had some weird virus.”

      “Did you have a fever?”

      “Yes. A hundred and three.”

      “You needed to stay in bed.”

      “That’s what Michael said.”

      “He was right.”

      “No.” Her voice was resolute. “I should have gone.”

      “You’d have been killed.”

      “I know. But it should have been me.” Her voice broke on the last word.

      “Do you think that’s what Michael would have wanted?”

      David’s quiet question startled her. And the answer was obvious. No, of course not. Given a choice between who would live and who would die, Michael would have taken her place in a heartbeat. But that was beside the point. She wouldn’t have let him.

      She shook her head. “Thanks for trying. And thank you for this.” She cradled the medallion in her hand, fighting back tears. She hadn’t cried at work in a long time. And she didn’t intend to start now.

      “Maybe God had other plans for you, Caroline. Maybe that’s why He took Michael instead of you.”

      Jolted, she stared at him. That was a new thought. And a generous one, considering that she was the primary reason David had lost the brother he loved. But it wasn’t one she put much stock in. She saw no greater purpose in her life than had been in Michael’s, didn’t think she had any more to contribute than he had. His work had been Pulitzer-prize quality. She was good at her job, but not as good as he had been. No, that explanation didn’t hold up for her.

      She was saved from having to respond by the jarring ring of the phone, reminding her that she had an interview to conduct. Even if talking with the mayor right now about the new zoning law was about as appealing as…playing her mother’s guessing game.

      “That must be your interview. I’ll let myself out.”

      “Thank you for coming today,” she said as she reached for the phone.

      “It was long overdue.”

      As she put the phone to her ear, mouthed a greeting and waited to be connected to the mayor, she watched David make a quick exit, then weave through the newsroom toward the front door. When he reached it, he turned back. Their gazes connected, and held, for a brief second. But it was long enough for Caroline to sense that for David, their meeting today had provided a sense of closure. Then he lifted his hand and disappeared through the door. It shut behind him, with a symbolic sense of finality, giving her the distinct feeling that he had no intention of contacting her again. That his visit today had tied up the last loose end associated with Michael’s death.

      Caroline wished she could find that same sense of closure. That she, too, could shut the door on her past. But for her, the pain, the regret, the guilt, just wouldn’t go away.

      David, on the other hand, seemed to have found some sense of comfort, some relief, some absolution, in his faith. Not to mention a wellspring of charity. Instead of hating her when she’d revealed her part in Michael’s death—as he’d had every right to do—he’d put it in the hands of the Lord, suggesting that perhaps God had other plans for her.

      And for just a moment, as she had on that Christmas when they’d met, she envied him his bond with a greater power, which had given him answers and lightened his burdens while hers still weighed down her soul.

      Chapter Two

      “That’s good news on the funding front, Martin. Every donation helps. Thanks for the report.” Chairman Mark Holton checked the agenda for the Uplink board meeting. “Looks like you’re СКАЧАТЬ