The Surgeon's Secret Baby Wish. Laura Iding

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СКАЧАТЬ check on the ICU patients and then come back,” Rick said, his voice fading as he moved away. She didn’t bother to respond. If Emily’s vena cava was torn, things were going to get worse before they got better.

      More suction, and she still couldn’t quite pinpoint the source of the hemorrhage.

      “We’re losing her. I have maximum doses of three different vasopressors running with no response in blood pressure,” Matt informed her.

      “Give more blood.” Sweat pooled at the base of her spine as she fought to slow the bleeding. The vena cava wasn’t an artery but its proximity to the heart made things tricky. “Does anyone know when the CT surgeon will arrive?” she asked, hoping the tremor in her voice didn’t betray her.

      “I’ll check.” The circulating nurse left.

      There was way too much blood. If she didn’t do something to get the bleeding under control soon, this poor little girl would die. “I want her placed on the heart-lung bypass machine.”

      Matt’s gaze met hers over the supine body of their patient. “Are you sure?”

      “I don’t have a choice. I can’t fix the tear in her vena cava without additional support for her heart.”

      The second circulating nurse in the room wheeled in the heart-lung bypass machine. Naomi was out of her depth with the extent of this surgery and she knew it. “Call Dr Weber back, tell him I need help.”

      “I spoke with Dr Yulton, the CT surgeon on call. He’ll be here in ten minutes.”

      She wasn’t sure Emily had ten minutes to spare, but she nodded to indicate she’d heard. The techs set up the bypass machine while she began to cross-clamp the major arteries in preparation for the switch-over.

      “I’m here.” Rick’s voice had never sounded so good.

      “I’m losing her,” she said, her voice steady. “The CT surgeon will be here soon, but I need help now.”

      Rick didn’t say a word but helped her perform the switch to bypass. They managed to get Emily safely transferred to the heart-lung machine just as the pediatric cardio thoracic surgeon walked in.

      Naomi didn’t leave, but was more than happy to let the CT surgeon take the lead. Rick stayed too, and once Craig Yulton got Emily’s bleeding under control, she breathed a little easier.

      “I’ll take her from here,” Craig said, glancing up at Naomi from the opposite side of the patient. “I heard about the multi-car crash after the ballgame, so I’m sure you have other patients to see.”

      They did, so Naomi nodded gratefully and stepped down off her stool away from the table. Rick followed her out of the O.R. suite.

      They stripped off their face masks simultaneously. The post-adrenaline rush hit hard and she struggled to breathe.

      “Are you all right?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

      She tried to nod, but her knees trembled and she suddenly felt weak. Taking a few steps, she sank into the nearest chair and buried her face in her hands.

      “Naomi?” Rick’s hand on her shoulder was warm, when she was cold inside and out.

      “I almost lost her.” Regret for every minute she’d wasted burned in the back of her throat. She took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together, but kept remembering how she’d sent Rick back to the ICU when she really should have handed Emily’s care over to him. “I let my ego get in the way and I almost lost her.”

      “What are you talking about?” Rick asked in an incredulous tone. “You did everything exactly right. It was your decision to put her on bypass.”

      “Too late. I should have made the decision sooner.” She lifted her head, forcing herself to meet Rick’s puzzled gaze. “I should have asked you to stay. I’ve never done an open-chest case on my own.” The truth weighed on her shoulders like a truckload of bricks and she glanced down, noticing how badly her hands were shaking yet powerless to make them stop. “It’s my fault if Emily dies.”

      Rick stared at Naomi, realizing she was completely serious. Her hands were shaking and she was truly upset. Pediatrics wasn’t an easy specialty, not when their small patients had so much life yet to live. But even so he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen a surgeon take a patient’s outcome so personally. “No, it’s not. Five pediatric trauma cases is a major disaster. There were several adults we sent over to Trinity, too. You did everything possible to save each and every patient. If this young girl dies, it’s because a car landed on her, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.”

      She shook her head, refusing to believe him.

      His heart ached for her, and if they were handing out blame, he knew he deserved a large portion for himself. If he hadn’t convinced Naomi to switch shifts with him, he would have been the one in charge and would have stayed in the trauma room to triage patients. The seven-year-old with the crushing chest wound would have ended up as his patient. But he didn’t honestly think he could have handled the surgery very differently than Naomi had. Heck, it was always easy to second-guess yourself after the fact, dissecting every little thing you could have done differently.

      “We’d better get over to the ICU,” Naomi said in a low voice, clearly struggling to pull herself together. “There’s still a lot of work to do.”

      She was right. They did have a lot of work yet to do, but he couldn’t stand to see her beating herself up like this. Especially when she didn’t deserve it. He took her hands and drew her to her feet. Naomi was a tiny thing, her figure hidden by the baggy O.R. scrubs, but he could see silky wisps of her ebony hair escaping the edges of her cap. There was something about her that drew him to her, something he couldn’t ignore. He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “Naomi, you’re an excellent surgeon.”

      “Thanks.” She didn’t meet his eyes and he knew she was simply being polite. She didn’t believe he meant what he said.

      He had the crazy urge to fold her into his arms for a reassuring hug, but held himself in check. After all, he was her boss and he barely knew her, only having met her for the first time at their meeting that morning. He willed her to see he was telling the truth. “I’m not handing you a line, Naomi. I haven’t been here long, but this situation tonight would have put immense pressure on any member of the team. I’m impressed.”

      “You wouldn’t be so impressed if one of the more experienced members of the team was here,” she pointed out. “I just happen to be the youngest and least experienced surgeon on staff.”

      “No, actually, I’m most impressed because of how much you care.” Rick released her hands and took a step back, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground. For too long he’d been so lost in his own misery he hadn’t allowed anyone close. Hadn’t allowed himself to care about anyone except his sister Jess and his niece Lizzy. Yet suddenly, here with Naomi, he was feeling dangerously vulnerable. “You’re a trauma surgeon who truly cares. I think some of us tend to keep ourselves distant from our patients.”

      She tilted her head, regarding him warily. “I guess I can understand. I mean, you’ve been treating pediatric trauma patients for years and after a while I’m sure it’s difficult to handle the loss.”

      He СКАЧАТЬ