To Be a Dad. Kate Kelly

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СКАЧАТЬ into bed beside her tiny daughter.

      Sarah had inherited Teressa’s red hair, but instead of being heavy and straight like hers, it corkscrewed out of her head in zany curls. Teressa had talked her into growing it long, hoping the weight would help straighten it, but that idea wasn’t working out so well. It wouldn’t be long before the insults started coming Sarah’s way on the playground. At least she could teach her daughter how to stand up for herself. As a child, it hadn’t taken Teressa long to realize that following her mother’s advice—to ignore what the other kids said and take the high road—wasn’t going to cut it. She’d gotten as good at handing out the insults as receiving them. She kissed her daughter’s forehead and moved across the room to Brendon’s bed.

      As usual he’d kicked off all his blankets. He had his father’s blond curls, and her brown eyes. She put her hand on her stomach. Would this baby have Dusty’s coloring? Dusty had blond hair and blue eyes so beautiful she could spend hours looking at him. He wasn’t movie-star gorgeous; he was a fisherman, after all, and his face was lined from years spent on his boat, and from laughing. Dusty laughed a lot. Often just thinking about him made her smile, but not tonight.

      Being a Carson meant something in the small fishing village of Collina. Not that the Carsons were rich. But Pops Carson was as close as they got to a mayor around here, and everyone respected the family. Growing up, she and Dusty hadn’t run with the same crowd, because he was four years older than she was. But once they hit their twenties, age didn’t matter as much anymore. She and Dusty had flirted with each other off and on, but once she had Sarah, Dusty switched to big-brother mode, which was his way of telling her they could be friends, but that was it. For all his crazy and wild ways, he’d become her sounding board and good friend. For the past three years she’d buried the physical attraction she had for him, until a few months ago when they’d both started spending time with the new guy in town, Adam Hunter. Unfortunately, Teressa had confused her friendship with Dusty as something more than physical attraction, and now there was a good chance their relationship was going to be put to the test because chances were she was pregnant.

      When she heard a knock at the door, she pulled the blankets over her three-year-old son and dropped a kiss on his forehead. She should have told Anita not to come when she’d called earlier to ask if she could drop by. Anita was so reserved Teressa hoped some of her restraint would help keep her own emotions under control. But Anita would insist Teressa take the pregnancy test tonight, and she wasn’t sure she was ready. She didn’t think she’d ever be ready for a third child.

      “What’s that?” Teressa asked as she entered the kitchen.

      “A bottle of nonalcoholic bubbly.” Anita stashed the bottle in the refrigerator between the milk and the orange juice. Anita was tall and willowy, her long blond hair falling in a perfect curtain across her back. She used to have the perfect figure but had lost too much weight last summer, unlike Teressa, who had noticed lately that bits and pieces were starting to sag and shift, like those half-deflated balloons people tied to their mailboxes.

      Two years ago, Cal and Anita had eloped before anyone from the family or the village had met Anita, and Cal, in his usual impervious way, presented his bride to everyone, expecting them to love her as much as he did. It had taken a while for folks to warm up to Anita because she was so different from the rest of them. But in the past few months, Teressa had been enjoying getting to know her better.

      “I’m going to need something stronger than fake champagne to lift my spirits, girl,” she admonished Anita.

      Anita crossed her arms and tried to look stern, an almost impossible accomplishment for someone with Bambi eyes. “Have you done it yet?”

      “No.”

      “Where’s the kit?”

      “Bathroom.”

      “What are you waiting for?”

      Teressa’s shoulders slumped. “I just... It’s not that easy.”

      Anita’s voice softened. “Whatever you decide, I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

      Teressa wrapped her arms around her waist. “It’s not that I don’t want the baby.” That wasn’t the complete truth. She did, and she didn’t. Already having two children, she understood what an incredible gift it was to have a child, and she knew in her mother’s heart terminating a pregnancy was not an option for her. But bringing up three children by herself? She wanted to cry every time she thought about the work and the responsibility.

      “You’re a wonderful mother, Teressa. Anyone can see that. If you’re pregnant, and you want the baby, we’ll all help in any way we can. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I think Dusty is going to be a great dad.”

      “I just bet he’s jumping up and down with joy right now.”

      “I imagine he’s scared. Almost as scared as you.”

      “Scared he’ll get stuck with me and my brood.”

      “Maybe.” Anita shook her head. “But he cares about you, Teressa.”

      “If this were a few years ago, and it was just about Dusty and me, maybe we’d have a chance. But I’m twenty-eight years old, too old to get stars in my eyes. And I travel with a posse these days, in case you haven’t noticed.”

      “You’re arguing to avoid the inevitable. Go.” Anita pointed toward the bathroom.

      * * *

      ANITA TRIED TO ignore the sadness that tugged at her heart as she watched Teressa disappear into the washroom. Sadness for her friend because her life had always been so hard, and sadness for herself because more than anything, she wanted to have Cal’s baby. But Cal, afraid of history repeating itself, refused to start a family, and the miscarriage she’d had a few months ago had only confirmed his fears.

      Once Teressa was out of sight, Anita sank onto a kitchen chair. She’d insisted on coming over tonight against Cal’s wishes. Teressa deserved to have someone to hold her hand for this. Anita just wished there was someone stronger than her. She sighed and leaned back.

      Everything was a test these days. Was she strong enough to stand by her friend without breaking down and tell her of course she was lucky to have a third child while Anita longed to have just one of her own? Could she fit into a community that was as alien to her as her father’s world of rules and rituals would be to almost everyone living in Collina? Could she become a strong woman like Teressa and her sister-in-law, Sylvie? She wanted so much, but mostly she wanted a family of her own, and she was going to do whatever was necessary to make that happen.

      She straightened when she heard a truck pull into the driveway. She’d found the courage to leave her old life and follow Cal to Collina, and she’d find the courage to prove to her husband she was emotionally and physically ready to have a child.

      * * *

      THE HALLWAY FELT miles long as Teressa trudged toward her future. The past few weeks, she’d been playing a mental game, trying to trick herself into believing she wasn’t pregnant when she knew she damn well was. Of course she was! She’d never caught a break.

      Her life had derailed almost before it had started. When she’d become pregnant with Sarah, she’d had to forego the opportunity to attend the chef school she’d been accepted into and had gone to work as a sous chef in the local café she now owned in order to support herself and her new baby. She’d been there ever СКАЧАТЬ