The Royal House of Karedes: Two Crowns. Кейт Хьюит

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СКАЧАТЬ swallowed. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered, and Aarif jerked his head in the semblance of a nod.

      There was no reason to stay in the warm, lamp-lit intimacy of that room, the sound of cicadas a loud chorus through the open windows. Yet she wanted to. She wanted to curl up in a chair and tell Aarif things she’d not told anyone else.

      Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am. I’m caught between two worlds, two lives, and I wonder if I chose the wrong one.

      She bit her lip to keep from spilling such secrets, for she knew Aarif did not want to hear them. Worse, he would think less of her if he knew she thought such things. Wouldn’t he? Or would he perhaps understand? She’d seen that flicker of compassion before, had felt it like a current between them.

      She wanted that feeling again; she didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave him.

      ‘Perhaps I’ll get a book,’ she said, and stood up, roaming the shelves. ‘Any more Agatha Christies here?’ she asked, trailing a finger along the well-worn spines.

      Aarif sighed. ‘I’m afraid not.’

      No, she saw, the shelves were filled with dusty old classics, and, like Aarif, she wanted something light. She wanted escape.

      ‘Ah, well,’ she said with a little smile and a shrug, and selected a volume at random.

      She plopped down into a chair across from him and with a sunny smile opened the book.

      It was in German. She stared blankly at the words, fixing a look of interest to her face, although why she was pretending she had no idea.

      Aarif sighed, a smile lurking in his eyes even though his mouth was still no more than a hard line. ‘Can you read German, Kalila?’

      She glanced up, the answering smile in her heart finding its way to her lips. ‘No, can you?’

      ‘No, but my father could. Most of these books were his.’ His lips twitched. ‘How long were you going to stare at that book, pretending you could read it?’

      ‘I’m not sure.’ Kalila closed the book with both reluctance and relief. ‘I don’t want to be alone,’ she said quietly, and saw Aarif stiffen.

      ‘It is not appropriate for—’

      ‘Oh, Aarif, hasn’t the time for such things passed?’ Kalila cut him off. ‘What harm can come of us sitting here, in a library?’ Yet even as she said the words she heard the answer in her own heart. The room was cast into pools of light and shadow by the little lamp and the thick, velvety darkness outside. It was an intimate environment. A dangerous one, and as Kalila watched Aarif’s eyes flare with awareness she knew he realised it too.

      She felt it herself, coiling around her heart, making her body tingle. It would be so easy, she thought, to rise from her chair and go to Aarif, to take the spectacles from his nose and the book from his hands, and—

      ‘Go to bed, Kalila,’ Aarif said quietly. ‘It is late.’

      It wasn’t that late, only nine o’clock or so, but Kalila knew what he was really saying. Stay away from me.

      And yet she couldn’t. She didn’t want to, even though it was dangerous. Even though it was wrong.

      Aarif continued gazing at her, his expression steady and becoming cold, the warm, sensual atmosphere dissolving into arctic awkwardness. After a moment Kalila rose from the chair, trying to keep her dignity although it was hard. Aarif said nothing, just watched as she took a step backwards.

      ‘Goodnight,’ she finally whispered, and turned around and fled.

      It took her a while to find her way back to the bedroom, and Kalila was glad. For a few minutes she lost herself in the darkened corridors, her footsteps a whispery slapping sound against the worn stone. She didn’t want to return to her bedroom, her prison.

      This is my life now. All of this, my life.

      She closed her eyes. How could she have not realised how this would feel? A loveless marriage, born of duty? Hadn’t she realised in Cambridge, back when she had had a choice or at least the semblance of one, how this would feel?

      How miserable she would be?

      And yet, it didn’t matter, because in the end, even when she’d found something different, deeper with Aarif—maybe—she would still do her duty, would have to, and so would he. That was what hurt most of all.

      She slipped into her bedroom, a cool evening breeze blowing in the scent of jasmine from the gardens.

      Kalila went to the window seat and curled up there, her flushed cheek pressed against the cool stone. She gazed down at the shadowy tangle of bushes and shrubs below, and it reminded her so much of her garden at home—a garden she’d loved, a garden she didn’t know when she’d see again—that she let out an involuntary choked cry of despair.

      I don’t want to be here.

      A tear trickled down her cheek, and a knock sounded on the door.

      Kalila slid from the window seat, dashing that one treacherous tear from her face, and went to open the door. Aarif stood there, his face drawn, as ever, into harsh lines, his eyes dark and almost angry, his mouth pursed tightly.

      ‘Is something wrong…?’ Kalila asked and Aarif thrust something at her.

      ‘Here.’

      Kalila’s hands closed around the object as a matter of instinct and she glanced down at it. It was a book, a mystery by Agatha Christie, one she hadn’t read. Her lips curved into an incredulous, hopeful smile and she glanced up at Aarif.

      ‘Thank you.’

      ‘I thought you might want something to read, and I had some in my room.’ Then, as if he’d said too much, he shut his mouth, his lips pressed tightly together once more.

      Yet Kalila could not keep from smiling, couldn’t keep the knowledge from blooming inside her. Somewhere, somehow, deep inside, Aarif cared. About her. Maybe just a little bit, a tiny bit, but—

      It was there.

      ‘Thank you,’ she said again, her voice dropping to a whisper, and Aarif looked as if he might say something. He raised his hand, and Kalila tensed for his touch, wanting it, needing it—but he dropped it again and gave her a small, sorrowful smile.

      ‘Goodnight, Kalila,’ he said, and turned and walked slowly down the darkened hallway.

      He needed to stay away from her. Aarif knew that, knew it with every instinct he possessed, and yet he denied what his mind relentlessly told him, denied and failed.

      Failed his brother, failed himself, failed Kalila. Was there any test he would not fail? he wondered cynically, his mouth twisting in bitter acknowledgement of his own weakness. Was there anything—anyone—he could be trusted with?

      The last time he’d been entrusted with another’s care, his brother had died.

      Take care of him.

      He СКАЧАТЬ