Christmas In Whitehorn. Susan Mallery

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СКАЧАТЬ her, she’d walked away from Kell—for the second time in her life—only a year ago. And now, her entire professional life rested on achieving closure with this man, a consummate warrior in her white-collar world? A teensy little fly in her great big jar of ointment? Dread washed over Jamie. Resting an elbow atop her knee, she leaned forward, rubbing at her forehead. “Great. Kellan Chance. The story of my life. I thought you meant undergo more sessions, talk about my feelings for him, something like that.”

      “I do. We’ll continue those as well.”

      “Dr. Hampton, perhaps I should explain. Kellan and I have quite the history. We go way back. Since before high school. Then, eight years ago, when I was twenty-one, I left him at the altar. Full church, white dress, all the trimmings. He was not amused at being humiliated in front of the whole town.”

      “I suppose not. So you’re saying you don’t believe Mr. Chance has feelings for you?”

      “Oh, he has a lot of feelings for me. All of them centering around murder.”

      Dr. Hampton eyed her skeptically. “Are you certain? Because you said earlier in this session that you’d been involved with him after the, um, failed wedding.”

      Guilt had Jamie darting her gaze around the room. “Yes. Two years ago we got together again. We lasted about a year.”

      “I see. And how did it end that last time?”

      “Badly. I walked away. Again.”

      “Ah. Why is that?”

      Jamie was getting tired of this being all about her. “Look, you need to understand the Chance family. It isn’t just a name with them. It’s their motto. The whole family takes chances in some way. Kell has two brothers—Brandon and T.J. Brandon is older than Kell. He used to be a Nightstalker pilot. Now that he is out of the military, he’s still taking risks, running his own security company. And T.J., the youngest, is into extreme sports. Very extreme. Even their parents are gamblers—real gamblers. That’s how they earn their living. So anywhere it’s legal, they’re there. When the boys were young and the Chances needed to go ‘earn a living,’ they’d have Aunt Tillie—who deals cards on a riverboat—sit with them.”

      “Good heavens.”

      “That’s milder than most people put it.” She stopped and looked Dr. Hampton in the eye. “And that’s the crux of the problem. I just don’t think Kell could change, even if he wanted to. And I don’t think he does. Taking risks is in his genes. He gambles with his health, his life, his body. Everything but his heart. He—”

      “Jamie, what would you do if he did change?”

      Her body’s response to that question startled Jamie. Fear had jetted over her. Fear, not relief. Warily, she eyed her therapist. “What do you mean?”

      “If he quit taking risks. If he settled down, got a stable job. Would you marry him?”

      “Wow. I can’t imagine Kell like that.” She laughed. “No, I guess he wouldn’t be himself, so I wouldn’t love him as much as I do. So I couldn’t marry him.”

      Dr. Hampton just stared at her.

      Jamie sobered. “Oh, God, I am so messed up. How could I get this far without knowing myself?”

      Dr. Hampton relented, smiling. “I see this all the time at this stage, Jamie. We’re so busy learning and examining everyone but ourselves that we forget we’re human, too. I’m simply saying there’s something here worth exploring. Some unresolved feelings between the two of you. Do you agree?”

      Jamie’s shoulders slumped with defeat. “Yes.” What choice did she have?

      “Don’t look so glum, Jamie. You’ve made real progress in the past few weeks.”

      “I suppose. I’m almost not against marriage anymore.”

      Startled, Dr. Hampton sat forward in his chair. “That’s an odd conviction, Jamie, for someone who’s training to be a marriage and family counselor.”

      Jamie started backpeddling before she lost more ground. “I’ll be a good counselor, Dr. Hampton. You know that. Just because something isn’t right for me doesn’t make it wrong for other people. I can separate the two.”

      “Well, the only way we’ll know that for sure is for you to achieve a satisfactory resolution with Mr. Chance. In fact, I think your success in private practice depends on it.”

      This was a disaster. Jamie exhaled slowly. She’d give anything if she could tell him the truth, that she wouldn’t be going into private practice. Then it struck her. It didn’t matter if she went into private practice or not. She’d still need the same skills, the same compassion, when she wrote her book because she’d still have patients, hopefully millions of them. Her readers.

      Dr. Hampton was right. Facing Kell again would only make her a better therapist, a better author—a better person. Dammit. She brushed her hair back from her face. “So. Kellan Chance.”

      Dr. Hampton nodded, seemingly a bit mollified. “Afraid so. But I don’t think it’s as dire as you believe.”

      “Oh, it’s dire. I am the last person on earth Lieutenant-Commander Kellan Chance wants to see.”

      “You’ve said as much. But isn’t he stationed here in Tampa at MacDill Air Force Base?” He flipped back through his notes. “Yes. Here it is—Special Operations Command, right?”

      “Right,” Jamie grumbled. She knew how close Kellan was to her…geographically.

      “Good. Because if you take care of things with Commander Chance promptly—then we might not have to delay your licensing for long.”

      “Seriously?” Jamie perked up. “How long?” Maybe she could stall Highline Publishing. Maybe she could tell them her license was being processed. She could plead logjammed paperwork, delays at the post office, things like that.

      “Well, how long depends on you. But I’m thinking maybe thirty days.”

      Relief coursed through Jamie. Thirty days were so doable.

      “I believe that since Mr. Chance lives here, all you need is opportunity.”

      Jamie shook her head. “And more courage than I’ve ever had.” She could just see herself knocking on Kell’s door…after having told him, a year ago, that it was over forever between them. She could still see his stony expression that hid the hurt in his dark eyes. Guilt pushed aside her short-lived relief. She couldn’t play with Kell’s heart for her own gain. She had to be sincere in whatever she said or did. Or she’d never respect herself again. “So, all I have to do is get him to talk to me, just work out our issues? I mean, I don’t actually have to commit to anything with him, do I?”

      “Oh no, no. We’re not in the business of forcing love. I wouldn’t counsel that. But, Jamie—is this something you can do? Do you feel safe, comfortable, in his presence?”

      “Safe?” She thought of Kellan’s hawkish stare, his muscled body…the way his hands, his mouth, felt on her. She sighed. “Safe and comfortable are two things no one feels around Kell. He’s so intense. But in this context, СКАЧАТЬ