The Mistresses Collection. Оливия Гейтс

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СКАЧАТЬ wasn’t a dorm room, but a tiny space with room for only a bed and a chair. Single occupancy. Double at a squeeze. Nothing like the magnificent room they’d shared in his condo.

      ‘Of course I was worried about you.’ He shut the door and turned to her. His face was paler than usual, it made the line of his scar all the more obvious. ‘You’re not interested in whether I’m okay?’

      ‘I can see that you are.’ She tried to shrug.

      ‘Do I really look okay to you?’

      She glanced back at him swiftly. He sounded angry. Well, she was fast joining him on that one. She didn’t want him here. Didn’t want him feeling as if he had to ensure she was ‘okay’. That wasn’t anywhere near enough for her. And she sure as hell didn’t want him thinking he could pick up where they’d left off. No way could she touch him again—the fling was flung. And just because they were in a bedroom again, didn’t mean she was going to let him—

      ‘What’s the problem?’ She yanked on the toughest shell she could. ‘Blue balls?’

      ‘Caitlin.’

      To her annoyance, the man smiled.

      No. She wasn’t letting him do this to her. She wasn’t falling for his charm again. For his tease and flirt. For his gorgeousness and good humour and generosity.

      It wasn’t enough.

      There was only one thing she could do—push him away. Hard. Fast. For ever.

      ‘Look, it was just sex, James,’ she said as blithely as she could. ‘That convenient holiday-fling thing. We were sharing the room, why not have a few frolics at the same time?’

      He stared at her. To her discomfort, his expression only grew even more amused.

      ‘Oh, Caitlin.’

      ‘Don’t go thinking it was anything special.’ She shook her head and backed up as he walked towards her. The backs of her legs bumped against the metal-framed bed.

      ‘You think you can do the bad-girl act and push me away?’

      ‘It’s no act. I am what I am.’ She shrugged, curling her damp fingers into fists.

      ‘Nothing is black and white. No one is a stereotype. You’re not all bad girl. And I’m sure as hell not all hero.’

      But he was. He so was. He couldn’t help himself.

      ‘You know I’m far from perfect,’ he reminded her.

      She switched tack. ‘Quite right. I was getting bored already.’

      ‘That so?’

      ‘Yeah. I’m ready to change it up.’

      He took the last pace to stand directly in front of her. Reached for her. ‘You think some other guy can turn you on the way I do?’

      She stood like a stone, refusing to move. To be moved. ‘So we do good sex,’ she said crassly. ‘We can make each other come in record speed. So what? You can’t construct a relationship built on something so ephemeral. So meaningless.’

      His eyes gleamed. He didn’t seem bothered by her crude bluntness. ‘It’s a starting point.’ He was too calm. Being too damn reasonable.

      She didn’t want him to be reasonable. She wanted to push him away. Had to push him. ‘But it’s sand, not rock. Sexual appetite will wash away. And there’s nothing else to us. There never has been.’

      He put his head on the side, ran his hands down her arms. ‘You really want me to believe that?’

      Caitlin’s heart stopped. To believe her? To believe in her lies? She suppressed all the pain. But she’d suppressed too much pain, for too long. ‘It doesn’t matter to me what you believe,’ she choked.

      ‘So you’re going to walk away?’

      ‘I’m not walking away from anything much.’ Blinking, she determinedly stuck to her line, wishing like crazy that he’d walk away right now. ‘A bit of sex. A few laughs. But that’s it. There’s nothing more to this and never has been.’

      ‘People might have accused you of all kinds of things, but I never thought you were a coward,’ he said quietly.

      ‘I’m not a coward.’ She shook with defiance. She wasn’t. She’d tried and tried and she’d keep on trying.

      ‘Yes, you are,’ he said softly. ‘You run. You hide. You won’t stand up and say what’s really true. What you really feel. What you really want.’ His hands slipped up and gripped her shoulders. ‘And I don’t blame you for that. You’ve been hurt. Your dad. Hannah. Dominic. And me.’

      Caitlin bit on the inside of her lip. Hard. Stupid when she was already trying to blink back tears. But she had to stop herself from speaking. From breaking down.

      ‘I hurt you.’ He stepped forward, right into her space so she could feel his heat. His rock-solid strength. ‘I left you when you needed me. And I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.’

      She stared up at him—at his dark, dark, beautiful eyes. She tried to swallow the lump of jagged glass in her throat.

      ‘Caitlin.’

      She closed her eyes. ‘Please leave.’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Please leave. Now.’

      ‘No.’

      Couldn’t he do that for her? Couldn’t he leave her with that illusion of dignity before she sank to the floor and howled? She opened her burning eyes and pleaded.

      ‘I can’t do this,’ she begged him. ‘Please don’t ask me to do this.’

      ‘Don’t try to push me away. It won’t work.’

      ‘I’m trying to do the right thing,’ she whispered.

      ‘Then do the right thing, the right way.’

      And what was the right thing?

      She knew already. Being honest. Being brave. Speaking up.

      ‘What is it you really want?’ he asked softly. ‘Tell me what you really want.’

      She licked away a tear that had tumbled down to her lips. A pointless action as several more immediately followed the track of the first.

      ‘Caitlin?’

      She knew that look on his face. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hold her close. More than anything she wanted that too. But she couldn’t. She was too selfish. And he needed to know that.

      ‘I want you,’ she cried. ‘But I can’t have you. Not the way I want. I can’t cope with being left alone time and time again. I know it’s pathetic of me. I know what you do is so important. Much more important than anything else. Than me.’ СКАЧАТЬ