Hopelessly Devoted To You. Jill Steeples

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СКАЧАТЬ it might be.’ Laura shrugged, her mouth curling in distaste. ‘I know it wouldn’t be for me because I’d want to know that the person I was marrying loved me just as much as I loved them. Now it may be that Finn would still want to marry you knowing that you don’t love him in the same way, but I do think he has the right to know the truth about your feelings. Don’t you?’

      Ruby felt her skin prickle with shame under Laura’s intense steely-eyed gaze. Tears stung her eyes. Her heart pounded in her chest, reverberating in her ears so loudly she thought her head might explode. If she could just close her eyes and shut it all out. Everything: her own tormented thoughts, Laura’s accusatory words running around her head and Finn, oh, God, the image of Finn’s smiling, unsuspecting face taunting her mind. She clutched her hair in fists, the pain at her temples a welcome distraction.

      What kind of person was she? To go ahead with a wedding just because she was too lily-livered to do the decent thing and tell her fiancé she didn’t know if she loved him. Was that it? Was she prepared to go ahead and marry a man she didn’t love simply because she didn’t want to lose face in front of Finn and all her family and friends? It looked as though she might be.

      If she broke off the engagement, she’d be vilified, she knew. Ex-communicated. She might need to get away for a while, lie low until all the fuss had died down. But she couldn’t imagine a time when that would happen. No one would understand why she didn’t want to marry the most perfect boyfriend in the world. If she couldn’t understand it herself, how on earth could she expect anyone else to understand?

      ‘You’re right!’ she said, jumping up from her seat and pacing the length of the living room as if she’d been struck with divine inspiration. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, I can’t marry Finn. You know that. I know that. He deserves someone much better than me. I must tell him. I’ll do it today.’ She looked at the phone as though it were a lethal weapon. If she picked it up and pressed Finn’s number she knew it would shoot a thousand bullets into both their lives. She paused, her gaze drifting out of the window. ‘Well, maybe not today.’

      Laura raised her eyebrows doubtfully.

      ‘When, then? You’ve been talking about it for ages, but you never seem to get round to it. I know it’s hard. One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. But you’re running out of time, Ruby. You just need to do it, get it over and done with. And then you can get on with the rest of your lives. Both of you.’

      ‘Yes, yes. Absolutely.’ An urgency filled Ruby’s veins. ‘Tomorrow. How about that?’ The enormity of what she had to do crept over her body like a huge heavy rain cloud. ‘I’ll do it tomorrow. Actually, thinking about it, it’s probably just as easy to send him a text?’

      Laura’s dark expression gave Ruby a definitive answer.

      ‘No.’ Ruby shook her head, agreeing with Laura’s silent admonishment. ‘I can’t do that. How about an email? Would that be better?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘I don’t suppose you could tell him for me, could you?’

      ‘No. Absolutely not.’ Laura tutted, actually tutted and folded her arms in front of her chest. ‘You have to do it. It has to be face to face. He deserves that at least. Right. Let’s think about this. You need a plan. Work out in your mind what you’re going to say to him. When are you next seeing Finn?’

      ‘Tomorrow night. He’s meant to be coming round for supper.’

      ‘Perfect. That will be the ideal opportunity. Just get it straight in your head what you’re going to tell him and then all you have to do is come out and say it. No beating around the bush. I know it’s a horrible thing to have to do, but once it’s out there you’ll feel so much better.’

      Ruby glared at Laura. It was easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one on the verge of breaking the heart of the sweetest man in the world. She was just watching from the sidelines at the train wreckage about to unfold. With a little bit too much barely contained glee, suspected Ruby.

      But still, Laura was right. She had to do it. However awful it was. She should have done it much sooner than this. Absolutely. There was no getting away from it this time. No avoiding the issue. No pretending that there wasn’t a huge white wedding booked that would need to be unbooked. She would just have to tell Finn how she felt and all those other issues were just mere practicalities that she could deal with once she got the awfulness out of the way. Come what may, this time tomorrow night Ruby would no longer have a fiancé.

      ‘Yes, I’ll do it!’ Ruby slapped her hands down on the arms of the chair, saying the words more to herself than to Laura.

      ‘Well, make sure you do.’ Laura stood up, looking at Ruby with a no-messing expression on her face. ‘If you don’t do it, I’m going to boycott the wedding. I’ll stand outside the church waving a placard and you don’t want that to happen, do you?’

      Ruby gave a wry smile.

      ‘It’ll be fine,’ Laura said sympathetically. ‘Remember I’m on your side. I’ll pop round tomorrow night. About ten o’clock. After my date. If I haven’t heard from you by then I’ll know the coast is clear.’

      ‘Another one?’

      Laura shrugged nonchalantly.

      ‘Well, it’s a numbers game, isn’t it? And I reckon my lucky number must come up soon. This one’s an alternative comedian. His name’s Max. He sounds really funny and quirky and right up my street.’

      ‘Oh, great. Well, I hope it goes well. And I’m really sorry about tonight. Do you want me to call you tomorrow night just in case?’

      ‘Nah, don’t worry. You’ll have enough on your plate with Finn and if I run into problems I can always use the tummy-bug excuse, but I don’t think I will. I have a really good feeling about Max.’

      ‘You do? Well, I keep my fingers crossed for you.’ Ruby smiled. The excitement she felt at Laura’s enthusiasm for her next date was quickly squashed by the complete dread and trepidation she felt for her own big date with Finn. If only they could swap places, Ruby thought with a sigh.

      ***

      The following evening the doorbell rang and Ruby’s heart plummeted to the bottom of her pumps. Ordinarily she would have worn a tight little black number with a pair of the black strappy high heels that Finn so loved, but she didn’t want his last memory of her to be one where she was looking absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous amazing. Perhaps if she looked a bit ropey, kept her make-up to a minimum, and threw on some old jeans and a sweatshirt then, sub-consciously, Finn might think it wasn’t so bad that he had just been dumped after all.

      Who was she kidding? Finn wasn’t like that. He had depth, sincerity and honesty, qualities Ruby felt sadly lacking in at the moment. She knew Finn would think her beautiful dressed in a black bin liner. She didn’t intend going that far but her black trousers and a green floaty blouse would have to do. Smart but not too frivolous. And definitely not sexy.

      She sighed. There were far too many decisions to be made when it came to dumping your boyfriend.

      As well as what to wear, she’d thought long and hard about what she should prepare for their ‘Last Supper’. Should it be Finn’s favourite meal of lamb noisettes in a redcurrant jus or would that just be rubbing salt in the wound? Would it be better СКАЧАТЬ