The Stationmaster’s Daughter. Kathleen McGurl

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СКАЧАТЬ that’s me done, then,’ she said, trying to sound cheery though inside she felt like crying. ‘No more work. I’m going to give it a couple of months then start job-hunting.’ She opened the fridge and took out a bottle of Prosecco that had been chilling there for weeks. ‘Fancy celebrating my freedom?’ Without waiting for an answer, she tore off the foil, untwisted the wire and popped the cork.

      He watched her, unsmiling. ‘Tils, there’s something I need to talk to you about.’

      She took two glasses out of a cupboard and filled them, passing one to Ian. ‘Sure. Well, cheers, here’s to my freedom.’

      He pushed the glass away, untouched. ‘Not for me, thanks.’

      Great. So she’d be ‘celebrating’ alone. ‘Sure you won’t have some? Go on, keep me company. No one in the office felt like going out.’

      ‘No. Listen, Tils, I guess the timing’s not great for what I need to say to you, but then again, there’s never a good time for this kind of thing.’

      She felt suddenly cold inside. ‘What kind of thing?’

      He sighed. ‘We’ve wanted a baby for so long. I’ve wanted one since the day we married, but I was happy to wait until you felt ready. I can’t wait anymore, though.’

      ‘I guess we can start trying again,’ she said. It had been several months since the last miscarriage. Long enough, she supposed.

      Ian shook his head. ‘I can’t put you through the pain of any more miscarriages. It’s not fair.’

      ‘What, then?’ Was he suggesting they adopt a child, perhaps?

      He picked up a coaster and began flipping it around his fingers as though it were a cheerleader’s baton. It meant he didn’t need to look her in the eye as he spoke, she realised. ‘The thing is, I want children so much. If I can’t have them with you …’

      ‘What?’ she said again, her voice emerging in a squeak.

      ‘… I’ll have them with someone else. Well, with Naomi, to be precise.’

      ‘Naomi?’ Tilly had heard the name, and vaguely remembered meeting a pretty blonde at one of Ian’s Christmas work parties.

      ‘Yes. Listen, Tils, I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened like this, but, well, it has. We’ve been seeing each other for a while now. And … she’s pregnant. Sixteen weeks. All looking good on the scans and everything.’ He smiled. ‘This time it’s going to work. I’m going to be a dad.’ He picked up the glass of Prosecco and took a swig.

      ‘She’s having a baby?’ Tilly whispered. It wasn’t making sense. What did he want – for them to adopt Naomi’s baby?

      ‘Yes, she is. Well, she and I are having a baby. I know it’s difficult, what with you losing your job and all, but there’s no great hurry. Move out in a month or so, perhaps? That’d still give us time to get her settled well before the baby comes.’

      ‘Move out?’

      He looked sheepish. ‘Well, yes, you can hardly stay here when Naomi moves in. We can sort out the legal stuff later. It’s OK – you can name me as the guilty party. The house is in my name anyway. I know you’ve paid something towards the mortgage, but I can compensate you for that, I guess.’

      ‘You’re divorcing me?’ Tilly stared at him. What he was saying was just not sinking in at all.

      ‘Technically you’ll divorce me, for being unfaithful. But yes. This is the end, for us. This children issue – or lack of children – it’s so important. If only we’d known you couldn’t have them sooner, we could have—’

      ‘Divorced sooner?’ She spat the words out.

      ‘Well … No, I don’t mean it like that. I loved you. Still love you, I guess. But I want children. And Naomi can give me that.’

      ‘Do you love her?’

      He hesitated for a moment before saying, ‘Yes. Yes, I do. She’s glowing in pregnancy.’

      ‘Well fuck you, then,’ she shouted, grabbing his Prosecco out of his hand and throwing its contents over him.

      ‘I deserved that, I suppose,’ he said, his tone infuriatingly mild as he brushed the wine out of his eyes. ‘I’ll go and stay in Naomi’s flat for a few weeks. Just until you’re able to find somewhere else.’ With that he stood up and left the kitchen, leaving Tilly staring at the chair where he’d been sitting. A few minutes later the front door banged shut, and she realised she was alone. Alone with an almost full bottle of Prosecco to ‘celebrate’ her new, unwanted freedom from both job and husband. She topped up her glass and stayed sitting exactly where he’d left her, her gaze fixed on her bleak, lonely future.

      *

      When she’d finished telling her story, she picked up the cup of tea Ken had quietly placed in front of her and sipped it. Ken was silent, but she could see a muscle twitching in his cheek, as though he was clenching and unclenching his jaw. He lifted his own cup of tea but before it reached his mouth, he put it down again, hard, so that some spilled and joined the red wine that already puddled on the table.

      ‘I can’t believe it. So he’d been cheating on you with this Naomi. And now she’s pregnant. And I’d thought I liked the man.’ Ken reached for her hand. ‘Tilly, pet, you are definitely better off without him, although I know it might not feel like it right now.’ He looked distraught.

      ‘You’re right, Dad, I am. Not that I had any choice in it. But I can see now that we’d been drifting apart, after that last miscarriage. I guess there are some things a relationship can’t cope with.’

      ‘For some people, it’d make them closer. Shared tragedies.’

      ‘Not us, apparently.’ She drank more of her tea. Her half-drunk wine was still there, on the table, but she no longer wanted it. ‘Thanks, Dad. For listening. It’s definitely helped.’ It had, she realised. He knew nearly all of it now. Not everything – but he knew about the miscarriages and Ian, and somehow that made it seem just a tiny bit easier to cope with.

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